(Closed) My loony SIL and her baby shower

posted 7 years ago in Babies
Post # 3
Member
7431 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2009

When does she want it? I would tell her due to your schedule you will be too busy, or something like that

Post # 4
Member
643 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: April 2009

That’s a very hard position to be in! I think it depends on whether you WANT to throw her a shower or not. If you don’t, maybe you could just arrange for a group of her friends to get together for lunch. Everyone could buy their own meal, and have gifts for your SIL? It would need to be worded very carefully when you invite everyone, as a “shower” typically means that the hostess will be providing food of some sort. 

At the end of the day, her mother could always give her other daughter (the sister) some money to throw it… 

Post # 5
Member
6661 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: May 2010

Can you be the ‘hostess’ but have her friends help you out? I would be hard pressed to deny my Future Sister-In-Law a baby shower, esp if she asked me to throw it..

Post # 6
Member
4803 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

Wait wait, so because of ehr religion she can’t attend your wedding and she is okay with that…but when her religion means she can’t have a baby shower (which that must be the case since her regligious friends won’t do it), that is somehow ok? Or am I assuming wrong?

Post # 8
Member
1214 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2010

It depends I think. If she asks you to throw her a shower and you say no, if she’s the grudge holding type, do you really want to deal with that? It might just be easier to suck it up and throw her the shower.

That being said, I do not think it should be a free for all where you wind up paying hundreds of dollars. Ask her how many people she wants to invite, and if it’s a large amount (like over 25, or to the point where it couldn’t be at someone’s home) then I think you can say you would need someone else to co-host. But if it’s a small enough gathering, make some cookies, set out some veggie trays and a few bowls of chips, hang up some balloons and call it good.

For the record, I do not think it’s appropriate to ask someone to throw you a shower. I think that’s putting someone on the spot. But since she did ask, and presumably is going to be in your life a long time, you could maybe throw her a bone and host a modest shower. If she starts coming at you with extravagant requests then I think you need to put your foot down because at that point she’s just taking advantage.

Post # 9
Member
1493 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2009

@Tatum: 

“For the record, I do not think it’s appropriate to ask someone to throw you a shower. I think that’s putting someone on the spot. But since she did ask, and presumably is going to be in your life a long time, you could maybe throw her a bone and host a modest shower. If she starts coming at you with extravagant requests then I think you need to put your foot down because at that point she’s just taking advantage.”

I threw a baby shower in part because I was sort of asked. When our friends announced their pregnancy, the mom to be told me that her nearest and dearest friends weren’t in a financial position to throw her a shower. I immediately volunteered to because I thought it was crappy that these girls couldn’t throw her shower. So I stepped up after hearing that her closest friends didn’t. My point is that sometimes the line is blurred on issues like that.

Post # 10
Member
4803 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

@Beansy: I’d be super pissed. So her religion’s beliefs can be interpreted so that weddings and baby showers are not allowed, and she has decided that even though she’s not coming to your wedding because of that, you should go to the trouble of throwing her a baby shower anyways?? So she just gets to pick and choose when she listens to her religious leader based on whether or not it benefits her. I would tell her that you know her religion means a lot to her since she isn’t attending the wedding due to it, and that I don’t feel comfortable throwing her a shower knowing that is also frowned upon within her religious views.

Post # 11
Member
1214 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2010

@carrieknitscake

“I immediately volunteered to because I thought it was crappy that these girls couldn’t throw her shower. So I stepped up after hearing that her closest friends didn’t”

See, that is not the same thing to me as your friend walking right up to you and asking you to throw her a shower. She mentioned no one was throwing her one, and you volunteered. Sure, she may have brought it up hoping you would offer, but that is not the same as directly asking. And I’m glad you were willing to throw her one, because I’m sure she was very grateful.

Post # 13
Member
1493 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2009

@Beansy: @Tatum:

Hint or not, I would bend over backwards for this couple and their family. They’re extremely close to us, so to hear that her oldest friends couldn’t get it together for her, I was sad. At the time, we just moved into our condo perfect for entertaining and went with it. Our dining room table arrived two days before the shower which helped alot. The mommy was extremely grateful for everything. I’m happiest when I give and it’s appreciated. She was so grateful in fact that she’s determined to throw us a baby shower when our time comes and make a baby diaper cake like I did for them. I kept on telling her that I made it because I wanted to do something crafty for them. She’s still so warmed by the party and our continued friendship, so it really made a difference volunteering my time and energy for them. Basically for me, a thank you whether on FB/email/card goes a long way with me.

Post # 14
Member
14488 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2011

If her friends religious reasons prevent them from throwing a shower, are they ‘allowed’ to attend one?? 

Post # 14
Member
14488 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2011

double post

Post # 15
Member
9029 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2011

I would just do it since she is your SIL and you kinda want to maintain the peace

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