Post # 1
So my mom is hosting my bridal shower, because my maid of honor already has three little children under the age of three so she is super busy. I already had trouble with her almost flaking out of my wedding. She felt sorry for me and said, “Scratch all of what I said, I will be in your wedding”. She also volunteered her son to be a ring bearer and her daughter to be a flower girl. Her excuse for not being able to be my Maid/Matron of Honor in the first place was because she was so excited to be my Maid/Matron of Honor and be in my wedding and all that she hadn’t thought up until just now that her daughters birthday will be one week after my June wedding and her other son’s birthday will be a month later and they spend a lot of money on their children’s birthdays. She said that she doesn’t think that she can afford to be in my wedding, but like I said she said never mind I will be. Well, since she was too busy to plan my bridal shower. My mom planned it and set the date for May 1, 2010! Then my mom called to invite her and talk about her dress. She said she wouldn’t be able to make it on that date because her children had soccer practice and she was going to put her daughter in Gymnastics and she couldn’t afford the dress because of all of her children’s birthday parties. I later call her and offer to buy the Maid/Matron of Honor dress for her, and she accepts but this was just over the phone I didn’t really see her reaction it might change when I see her in person. Then she tells me about the bridal shower and tells me the same excuses she told my mom and tells me a couple new ones. Let’s see she can’t make it to my bridal shower because: A. Her son is in soccer every Saturday and her baby daddy is the coach, her daughter is a cheerleader, and she is the “soccer mom”. B. She has a First Communion and party afterward of her niece that she knew about a year ago.
I’m really sad. I mean it seems like she’s really busy and stuff like that, but I really can’t plan my wedding and the wedding parties around her schedule. Any how I just wanted to get it out of my system. I mean having a bridal shower is like a wedding tradition so I can’t not have one just because she’ll be busy that day…….. so I guess she’s not going. So I guess I won’t have my mother send her an invitation… I hope she will at least show up to the rehearsal dinner and my wedding… and not make up all these excuses why she can’t. Oh yeah and she said she would be really busy to take 5 minutes out of her schedule to do one fitting for her custom made Maid/Matron of Honor dress. I mean give me a break.
The show must go on.. right?
Post # 3
The show does go on….
Sorry your going through this… 🙁 *HUGS*
Post # 4
How was your relationship before the wedding planning? Is she always this busy? If you were/are close friends, she should be able to tell you how she’s feeling. Three kids is hard work and I don’t want to down play that. She just needs to be honest with herself and you.
It seem to me that she doesn’t understands her role as a Maid/Matron of Honor very well or that she’s really into helping with your wedding. She tried to bail once but couldn’t go through with it and now she has every excuse in the book to not go to things or even get a dress. It almost seems like she’s waiting for you to give her the boot. I’d have a talk with her and see where her heart it is. It might be best for both parties involved if you had a different Maid/Matron of Honor.
Post # 5
sorry if this sounds a bit harsh, but I think she has made it pretty clear that she doesn’t want to/can’t be in your wedding but doesn’t want to hurt your feelings but just quitting. She does seem very busy with three kids, and it doesn’t seem like your bridal shower is at the top of your list.
Post # 6
I think charm bracelet is right. I think although it may be hard you should have a chat with her and see if she REALLY wants to have the Maid/Matron of Honor role….. I have two kids and it is hard work fitting everything in but as a mum you also need time out! I know if it were me i’d find child care for the few hours of the shower and dress fitting etc… It would be a nice break for me. You shouldn’t give up your life just because you have children…. Is there anyone else you could ask to be MOH? It’s a tricky one and i really hope you get things sorted out. It’s not nice having to go through these things when you just want it all settled and everybody happy! You dont want this hanging over you and ruin your wedding planning!
Post # 7
I am sure she cares about you alot but I don’t think she really realized that she would be giving up all of her regular scheduled events. You both need to take a step back and talk it out. It’s probably best if she is not the Maid/Matron of Honor (the person who is supposed to have the biggest role in your wedding party).
Good luck and I hope your wedding day is amazing!
Post # 8
I think you need to really think about this yourself and decide how you want to handle the situation going forward.
She has already told you she can’t fullfill the normal Maid/Matron of Honor duties (buy a dress, plan a shower, devote lots of time/money to your wedding). It sounds like while she is willing to still participate it is going to be tough and it is going to be a very limited role. I think you either need to come to terms with the fact that she can’t do all the traditional Maid/Matron of Honor things for you. If you expect her to be a full blown Maid/Matron of Honor and fullfill all the traditional Maid/Matron of Honor duties then you will continue to be disappointed.
If you really want a traditional Maid/Matron of Honor that can be there for you and do all those things then you probably need to let her go as Maid/Matron of Honor and find a new one or something.
Post # 9
Well, what I felt worse about choosing her was that later on 2 months before my wedding she’s telling me that she can’t be in my wedding, but just because she feels bad she says never mind I will be. I mean I don’t know if I feel right with having her in my wedding if she really doesn’t want to be just so she doesn’t hurt my feelings. If she drops out completely I can always just promote one of my other bridemaids to the position of Maid/Matron of Honor. I mean she did try to help me plan my wedding but I was being fickle and that’s one of her biggest excuses for not having a dress by now. I couldn’t choose the colors. I changed my mind like 20 times. (I finally am getting them custom made in the color mauve (pinkish-purple)). Okay I have come to the realization that she won’t be able to do all of the traditional Maid/Matron of Honor things. I just wish she could at least make the effort to come to my bridal shower. I mean if someone asks me who is my Maid/Matron of Honor and I say she’s not here that would be pretty embarrassing. All I want her to do at this point is get fitted for her dress that I am going to buy, show up to the rehearsal dinner and attend my wedding as part of the wedding party where she marches up the aisle after all of the bridesmaids….. Is that too much to ask?
When she finally has time to talk to me I really need to get this straightened out. I mean can she be in the wedding or not? Is the reason why she can’t only because of the cost of the dress because I can just pay for the dress. I mean it will be hard on our wedding… but it’s completely doable…
I haven’t made the ceremony programs yet, but I would like to get this all figured out before I put her name where it doesn’t belong……….
How should I ask her? Are you in or out?