(Closed) My Maid of Honor isn't taking things seriously/blowing me off! (A little long)

posted 4 years ago in Bridesmaids
Post # 2
Member
4496 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

I would just tell her she can pick her own dress and not try to make it a joint shopping trip. You can give her parameters if you like (e.g. color, style) or not. Since there aren’t any other bridesmaids, it makes it easier, in a way, because she doesn’t have to coordinate with anyone.

As for the other stuff… it’s annoying that she offers to help you and then flakes. That would bug me. Next time she promises to help you do something, say, awesome, thank you, I’m going to tackle that project this Saturday morning (or whatever). Then she either shows up or she doesn’t, but you are not waiting for her. In other words — don’t count on her help, and don’t put yourself in a situation where you are hounding her.

 

Post # 3
Member
1601 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2016

Give her parameters (length, colour and fabric type if you want) and tell her to get her own dress. As long as she has one by the wedding day you are golden. You don’t need to go shopping together. 

Post # 4
Member
73 posts
Worker bee

I agree with the previous post. Tell her the plan, but don’t expect her to show up. If she does, great, but if not, no big deal.

As for the dress, just give her the overall parameters and let her find it on her own time. You’ll both be less stressed out that way.

Also, I’m sure she is excited about your wedding in general…but maybe she doesn’t actually enjoy things like planning, dress shopping, etc, and feels obligated to say “yes” to these things as she is your friend and wants to make you happy.

 

Post # 5
Member
1410 posts
Bumble bee

At 4 months out- you may need to just pick it and order it. 

One of my girls lives out of state, so she just needed to send her measurements in for the dress as she wouldn’t have been able to go shopping with me, and the store ordered the appropriate size.

Can you pick the dress or maybe 2 or 3? Then whenever she has time she can go in, get measured and pick the style she likes best?

Post # 6
Member
384 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: April 2018

Yes to all PP… but if you’re paying for her dress I think you deserve to be on the shopping trip. Sorry OP, it sucks not to have the support of those you thought you could count on. Is there something super stressful going on in her life right now? Is she going through a breakup? Maybe she’s jealous?

Post # 7
Member
1601 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2016

Adding that she can also get something from a regular store and not need to order something from a bridal store. There’s not as much time stress or rush that way. I think one of my bridesmaids got her dress three weeks ahead of time from a regular dress store in the mall 

Post # 9
Member
1601 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2016

Well if you are paying for the dress and want to have input then just find something, get her measurements and order/buy it. 

ETA: it clearly seems like trying to get a date/time for shopping together is getting stressful. So avoid the stress and don’t go together. If I were her I’d want input. But if you’re paying and she’s not showing up…

Post # 10
Member
14095 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

Agreed – let her pick a dress and you can either reimburse her or order it yourself.  After that, I’d stop expecting her to do anything wedding related, because she’s made it very clear that she isn’t interested in helping. 

Post # 12
Member
129 posts
Blushing bee

I think it’s a shame she is being so flakey when as your best friend she should bring supportive. I Don’t think you’re being demanding in any way – she is being crap. Also if you’re paying for the dress hell yes you get to have a say in it and it’s a shame she can’t be bothered for a fun girly afternoon shopping. She doesn’t have to help with anything else if she prefers not to so just take any further offers of help with a pinch of salt.

Maybe tell her you need to order the dress by X date so ask for her measurements and tell her to give a date between now and then when she is free when the dress will be chosen and ordered with or without her input.

Man, I hate uninterested bridal party members.

Post # 14
Member
1601 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2016

Ok, so what if you tell her to find one herself and you’ll reimburse her? Then she can do it whenever and you don’t have to worry about sizing. 

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