Post # 1
my sister is 13 years older than me. when i was younger i thought everyone in my life had it together. now that i’m 27, i’m learning that is not the case. my sister is divorced with three amazing children. she has been seeing this guy and found out she is pregnant. she loves him and wants to marry him but her budget barely lets her scrape by as it is. she’s not even paying payments on a house (she’s way past due). i just feel awful for her and wish i could help. today i looked at her budget but living very, very modestly she can maybe save $300 per month. maybe. and like i said – this doesn’t even include a house payment or a baby in her future.
i guess there is no real point to this. it just makes me sad to see those close to me in such tough situations. i’m tight on money because i’m choosing to have a wedding. it’s by choice.
oh, the joys of being an adult! it reminds me of a lizzie mcguire episode where lizzie wanted to be treated like an adult by her parents but then her mom started telling her marital problems between her grandparents and lizzie was like nope. no more being an adult. i hear ya, lizzie. i hear ya.
Post # 3
Its so disappointing when older friends/family don’t have it all figured out. I felt the same and still feel the same now. Who can we look up to in these situations? No one.
Post # 4
Well when I face difficult times, it really helps when I think about how fortunate I am to find my hubby, how fortunate everyone in my family is in good health, how fortunate to be in good health. When you think positive, you will find more positive light in life.
Post # 5
@amandasouthcarolina: I get it. I really do. My situation is a little different, but I totally get the whole “my family does not have it together” thing.
My mom is a wonderful person, but she is a freakin’ train wreck. She just spent about 4.5 years living with my grandparents after her loser husband left them and they lost their house. She’s gone back to school but hasn’t had a job all this time. She JUST got a job (this week, literally) and is looking at places to move to. She’s literally looking at condos that are $1000-$1400 a month! (We live in Michigan! That’s insane for a condo) She has a part time job. And she recently asked me to move in with her and my little siblings so I could help. Um, sorry. Heck no. I can’t, in good conscious enable her like that. She needs to live within her means, suck it up, and realize she’s not a princess and needs to move to a cheaper city and deal with driving the kids to school every day. Period.
I definitely have moments where it’s REALLY hard for me. I try not resent the fact that I’m a lot more functional and in many ways, “grown up” than my mom is, but sometimes its really hard. My mantra during times where it gets hard is “I am the way I am because she is the way she is.” In other words, I worked super hard to overcome my limitations because I’ve watched my mom flounder for nearly two decades.
Also, this is also kind of true for DH’s parents. I think we are freakin’ BLESSED to have one another because we both really care about our marriage and our family, and have seen first hard how it can all play out.
Hang in there.
Post # 6
Thats so unfortunate 🙁 ive been lucky enough to never really have been in any dire financial situations, but ive never really been completely financially independent yet. I wish there was something i could do or say to make it all better 🙁
Post # 7
My mom is also a train wreck. She is getting older and finding it hard to maintain a job because she has such a harsh personality that she butts heads with everyone. She is also getting a bit on the frail side because she never exercises so doing physical labor is not a possibility. This being said, I hardly make above minimum wage and she sometimes tries to guilt trip me into giving her money. I really wish I could help her, but I’ve got a mortgage and other financial obligations, ya know? She’s been like this since I was about 18, and now I’m almost 30. I feel like I’m the adult and she is the child.
Post # 8
It’s a hard situation when a family member doesn’t have it together and is struggling. I’ve been payin my mother’s cell phone bill for years now! If I didn’t pay for and make sure she had a cell phone, I would never hear from her. I need to stop mothering her. Can your sister move to a place that is cheaper to live?
Post # 9
- Wedding: June 2013 - Upstate NY
I’m sorry, it’s not fun to think of our older relatives as suffering financially 🙁
Post # 10
@amandasouthcarolina: oh my! Is she stresed about her situation or is she totally blissful? I’d have a heart attack!
I think I’m the only one in my family that is doing OK financially. My dad was a gambling addict and left my mom with $6.13 when he died and almost lost the family house.
I’d thought that my sisters would see my parents’ mistakes and take note, but they did not. Debt, no retirement, living beyond their means. How come only I got the message to do the opposite?
Post # 11
thank you everyone for your responses! i can’t imagine having mothers like some of you. my mother is not very financially responsible, but at least she is very mother-ly.
my sister is really stressed. at first she even thought about getting an abortion. i think she has changed her mind now.
and on top of all of this, she hates her job (she’s a teacher. has literally taught all levels, hates it all) so she’s wanting me to find her a new job. the ones i find, she doesn’t apply for. and she wants like an admin job. well obviously she won’t make as much as she does now. UGH. she doesn’t always make the greatest decisions…and trying to switch jobs before having a baby for a pay cut when you can’t even make it on your salary now doesn’t seem like the BEST idea. sigh. i just hope something works out for her. it makes me sad.
Post # 12
@amandasouthcarolina: It totally sucks to see people you love struggling. I do believe that most people are a product of their choices. It took me a long time to see life that way because I am a rose-colored glasses kind of girl but it’s true. Every choice we make has an impact on us, for better or worse.
I think you’re best off to keep loving your sister unconditionally. You can’t fix her problems but you can keep loving her without reserve.