(Closed) My maid of honour… *siiiiiiigh*

posted 6 years ago in Bridesmaids
Post # 3
8675 posts
Bumble Beekeeper

Honestly she is probably blowing you off because she can feel your judgement of her choice of life style.

Post # 4
1427 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

@j_jaye:  +1

I agree…. You can either accept her for who she is (going through this life crisis) or you can have a heart felt talk with her over if you still want her to be your Maid/Matron of Honor if she’s so “un-involved.”

Post # 5
10366 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2010

You’re basically saying you don’t like any aspect of her life, and then you’re mad at her for not participating in yours? Sounds like you chose your Maid/Matron of Honor poorly. Lots of brides on here choose their “oldest” or “lifelong” best friend when they are actually growing out of the relationship. It usually ends with lots of “She’s blowing me off” and “why doesn’t she care” posts.

Post # 8
8675 posts
Bumble Beekeeper

@Purple_Bride:  What most people don’t realise is that whilst they don’t vocalise their distaste to the person their actions and reactions do. An eye roll, a sneer, a scrunched up face and most of the time people don’t even register that they are doing it. Not to mention that if you have gossiped about this girl with your other mutual friends then it is more than likely to have gotten back to her.

Post # 9
6221 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: August 2013 - The Liberty House

@crayfish:  +1

You need to start trying to understand her lifestyle and how it can fit into yours instead of just being angry that she has changed. If you hate all these guys so much, why not help her find someone?

Post # 11
488 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

i have a bridesmaid like this too. she can be frustrating, but just think about it from her point of view. she probably looks at you and sees this perfect life she wishes she had. i dont know how often you talk about wedding stuff with her, but i would suggest cooling it unless it’s something really big, and you might be surprised how excited she gets for you. If she is really your friend, she should at least make sure she puts in enough effort to sustain the friendship; just don’t expect more than the bare minimum and hope that she grows out of this phase soon.

Post # 12
2863 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

Well why would she wants to be friends with someone who thinks she has no morals and thinks so badly of her? 

Post # 13
3092 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

@mixtapehearts:  Yeah yikes! 

I don’t really think any of this is about your friend’s dating habits or morals.  I think you possibly had expectations for how your Maid/Matron of Honor was going to be involved in your life leading up to your wedding and you’re disappointed that it’s not going that way at all. 

It kind of sucks but you’ll save yourself a lot of stress if you just let it go.  Let her live her life.  If you care about her and want to be the shoulder for her when she needs it then keep doing that.  If you need distance, take it. 

Obviously the cliche answer is that you can’t change other people…you can only change yourself.  So it seems to me you would benefit from a reframe of the situation, acceptance, or cutting off the friendship. 

Post # 14
1638 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

@Purple_Bride:  I think this has more to do with her maybe being jealous or hurt she isn’t getting married yet.

I would ask her if she thinks she’s too buys t be a Maid/Matron of Honor and you would understand if she needs to come as  guest.

Post # 15
847 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: December 2015

@Purple_Bride:  Right, so basically ‘I only judge her to her face a little!’. You say you’re giving her advice in ‘how to stop guy hopping’ it sounds to me like you are becoming the smug married friend she can no longer stand. No matter how close you are, you don’t have a right to judge her love life, because it is HERS not YOURS. 

She’s just trying to find the guy who is right for her and just becusee you’re engaged does not mean that you know everything. Also, all of this anorexia business dhould be something you support her through, not something to add to the ‘why she isn’t good enough to be my MOH’ list. 

Either accept her for who she is or admit you think she is a train wreck and slowly distance yourself, eventually cutting her out of your life altogether.

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