(Closed) My mamaw has a "favorite" grandkid [VENT, LONG]

posted 4 years ago in Family
Post # 4
Member
2876 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: March 2013

@BakerBee16:  i cant comment from a money perspective, but i watched my grandma treat my dad so so differently from my uncle

 

my dad would go over all the time, take her to dr’s appts, help with chores, bills etc. my uncle rarely saw her…we’re talking like at christmas and a few other times a year. yet she used to rave about my uncles “achievments” (i use the term loosely) and his wonderful qualities and act like my dad was just part of the furniture. every appearance of my uncle was treated like the return of the prodigal son etc and so forth

 

i could see it hurt him, even at a really young age, but he did the right thing. he was there for her and loved her despite the inequality in treatment

 

at the end of the day, you cant change her. she is set in her ways and feelings and even if you did talk to her…most likely she wouldnt know where you were coming from. and talking to the cousin would do no good either 

 

So you can dwell on it, or try to move on. i know thats not helpful and it hurts but there isnt going to be a happy resolution to the problem

 

the only thing you could possibly do is refuse to let her wallow in selfpity about all the things she could have spent her money on?

edit – give up on trying to explain their lies. she wont believe you and i think itll damage the relationship

Post # 6
Member
168 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: June 2015

unfortunately I have seen similar behaviour from my older relatives as well. anyone they depend on or see frequently is treated poorly and sometimes hated. I guess they view it as a reminder of their growing disabilities. the most appreciated often do the least. 

 

Good luck

Post # 8
Member
982 posts
Busy bee

My aunt has done SO much for my grandfather – opened her home to him, added to her home so he had a place of his own, cooks for him, drives him places, does so so much but unfortunately he can’t see this. He still sees her as a teenage girl who got herself knocked up (whole other crazy story there) and he just can’t seem toget past that. Yet he will dote of my other aunty who never visits him, never calls, barely keeps in contact. 

I will never understand, but it isn’t just your mamaw who is blind to some people and the good work they do. 

Post # 9
Member
259 posts
Helper bee

I would have to distance myself from that situation. It sounds too upsetting & frustrating to watch her ruin herself – especially because she KNOWS what’s going on. She doesn’t sound oblivious to me at all; could it be she feels forced/pressured and so dismisses your concerns because she’s scared she can’t defend herself?

Post # 10
Member
1106 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

Yep, my grandma plays favourites with my Aunt and pushes my Mum to the wayside.

 

It’s just not fair.

Post # 11
Member
159 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

i was in the exact situation. Except with my grandpa and  my aunt (who didnt depend on drugs but worked 1 day a week and somehow managed to go on extravagent vacations) He bought her house. he gave her his car….so she could get to work ( i swear to you less than 10 min walk…..) it drove us crazy and we accused her of stealing from him since she was in charge of his finances.  He got mad and basically toook us from the will (my dad was incharge of the will befor the confrontation) my dad was left $1000 his sister who also suspected something fishy got $10!! And the one stealng got a car and 2 houses (theres no money because she spent it before he died). We found visa statements for over 1000 for the past year! All on hotels restaurants shoes and nice clothing. shes evil.

 

Sorry i hyjacked. A vent just happened! I FEEL YA SiSTER!

Post # 12
Member
2905 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: March 2014

oh poor Mamaw, it really sounds like she is trying to buy their love & keep them happy. This often happens with senior people who begin to feel like they aren’t valued anymore. I don’t think she is playing favorites, I think she knows you love her and will be around no matter what but knows that isn’t the case with your cousin. Shame on your family for taking advantage of her in this way. 

 

Post # 13
Member
1181 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

this situation sucks and I completely understand how you must feel. As a pp has stated I would probably distance myself from the situation.  I know people say that life isn’t fair but, Really?  My fiance is in a similar situation with his brother and his mother, he makes sure he goes to visit her, gives her gifts takes her to lunch and dinner, took care of her when she was very sick but in her eyes they are both fantastic. Her other son didn’t even talk to her for years! I don’t understand people sometimes, so blind as to what is actually happening around them. 

Post # 14
Member
1406 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: November 2011

@BakerBee16:  My grandparents play favorites to their youngest son (my Uncle) b/c “he’s had a hard life.” They allowed him to get drunk in their house as a teen and he’s been a full blown alcoholic since. They must feel some guilt for allowing it. They treat his kids differently than me and my cousins. And now my uncle’s son (19 yo) has a daughter and they spoil the crap out of her. Nevermind the fact that they have 4 great grandchildren they’ve never met.

My BIL is the “black sheep” and my MIL is constantly taking care of his lame a$$. He just quit his most recent job (1.5 months long) even though he has twin babies. Does he have to worry about formula, food? Nope, his FI gets food stamps. Does he worry about diapers? Nope, family feels for them and keeps buying them. Does he have to worry about his rent? Nope, MIL prepaid his rent for him for a year. So now, he’s gonna sit at home w/his FI and babies and live off of everyone else. 

Sorry, I just have an issue when someone chooses that lifestyle and doesn’t “learn” from their mistakes. There are people that genuinely need help (like the recent tornado victims) and those are the people I’d rather help. Family or not….if you need something I’m willing to help…just don’t expect me to work my a$$ off for years to pay for your life!

Post # 15
Member
7194 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2010

I think it is very normal for granparents/parents to have a favorite- and not even for logical reasons.  I am not the favorite grandchild in my family, but my daughter is the favorite of my mother in law’s 6 grand kids.  The problem is that they are taking advantage of her- but she is letting them.  That is very sad.

Post # 16
Member
67 posts
Worker bee

It’s human nature to have preferences. I can understand your frustration, but it’s her prerogative to have favorites and waste her money on her leaching grandson. Maybe you should call an agency designed to protect seniors from exploitation? There is such an agency where I live. I’m not sure if there’s one where you live, but try to find one. 

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