Post # 1
I asked my big brother to be my man of honor and he’s amazing! He’s helping with wedding planning (he is in charge of catering at his work and he WANTS to be an event coordinator) and he finds me sales on wedging stuff and he’s honoring me with a bachelorette party! Even asked if I want dicks every where or if I want it to be classy af lol.
He came into town Saturday and we went out for drinks with some of his and my fiancé’s friends and my brother brought one of the two girlfriends that he lives with. He’s polyamorous and I’m super cool with that but I do NOT like this girlfriend of his. She’s immature, manipulative, and they both seem unhappy. She threw a fit because she spilled her drink all over herself and the floor and she was embarrassed and she walked off. one of our friends said she drove away Without my brother.
He goes out and tries to find her and while he’s out his friend tells me that his girlfriend is unhappy but she won’t leave because (the music got loud here but I THINK she said) he gives her a place to stay away from her parents house. He won’t leave because he’s too loyal.
I can’t shake the feeling that she’s using him. PLUS he seemed embarrassed of her, when he tried to include her in the conversations we had she would whisper into his ear instead of talking to the whole table and he told her to just talk to us and she pouted the rest if the night.
Should I tell my brother what I heard or ignore it because it’s all hearsay and I’m not even sure I heard the friend correctly and we were all a little bit drunk? Every time any of us tries to convince him to leave this girl he thinks we are attacking his lifestyle but I couldnt be more supportive, I just don’t like the individual girl he is with Because I feel like she isn’t doing right by him.
Post # 2
I understand being protective of your brother – I have two and damn any woman (or man) who tries to take advantage of them. But with that being said, I would stay out of it. I wouldn’t bring anything up that you heard, because like you said, it’s heresay and may do more harm than good.
I think you can approach it and be like “hey I noticed there was tension between you and x is everything okay?” Or “x seems pretty upset about the other night, is everything okay?” And sees if he opens up to you that way. If he doesn’t, it’s best to just leave it be.
Post # 3
You let him live his life. You are getting married and he is your big brother, he is old enough to handle this on his own.
I have no experience in a poly relationship! I wouldn’t know how to advise on it anyway, and if it were a conventional relationship and the girlfriend was acting smarmy I would do nothing.
They will probably be broken up by the time your wedding happens.
Post # 4
Its his life, let him be – Im sure hes a big boy.
Post # 5
This is a tough one. I would tell him something like the PP suggested, but add that you’re there for him if he feels like discussing it. “I noticed some tension between you and x…I hope you’re doing okay. I don’t want to pry, but I’m here if you ever want to talk.”
Post # 6
I definitely think that you should not talk to him into his relationship. Instead you should just tell him that you’ve noticed he’s not as happy as he normally is, and that you’re always there for him if he needs a ear.
Post # 7
Thanks for your responses! Not saying anything was kind of my second thought. My first reaction was obviously to pull him away from that situation but it is his life and he can choose whether to stay or go, he knows his relationship better than anyone else.. I just had to get some other opinions because I vented to our mom about it and she is SO against him being with this girl that she said I absolutely HAVE to tell him and I was like “but I don’t want to upset him wth hearsay” and she disagreed with my decision so I was second guessing.
Post # 8
I’m the opposite of everyone else. If its your brother, you should be comfortable talking to him about things. I would say something. Not exactly telling him hey you need to leave her, but mention to him what was going on and ask him if he needs to talk about it.