- 6 years ago
- Wedding: June 2015
For all you know they have arrangements and she’s totally aware (and might have her own profile somewhere). Assuming your brother IS cheating, you have many options:
Option 1: Print out the notification and confront your brother. Tell him to get his shit together, that his wife deserves better, etc. It will embarrass the hell out of him but he’ll probably just learn to be more careful about hiding it in the future.
Option 2: Tell your brother’s wife. This is throwing a live grenade on their marriage, and it’s probably not your place to do that.
Option 3: Get into his profile and learn the extent of his transgressions, then fuck with it (“interests: milking ferrets”, answer messages sent to him, etc) or delete it all together. This will probably have a similar outcome to option 1.
Option 4: Pretend like nothing happened. Lose respect for your brother and sit back as your resentment festers and eventually corrodes your relationship with him and his wife.
Option 5: Leave a “Not my problem, but know that I know” note. Out of sight, but not out of mind.
Its a shitty situation with no non-shitty solution.
If you remember his user name I would go on OKCupid and find out before you say anything. It says when the last log on was, so you can see if he’s logged on recently, and you can see what he put his relationship status as.
If you’re really suspicious about this, you could always log in to OK Cupid yourself and check out his profile. I’m not familiar with the site, but many sites list dates when changes were made to the profile etc. If you really believe he’s active, you could even message him through your fake profile and see if he responds. That will probably give you an answer one way or another.
… of course, if you’re actually going to do this, you should tell your husband first, lest he thinks you’ve secretly signed up to the site to do the dirty behind his back!
Personally I’d stay out of it. As other bees pointed out you don’t know what the contents of the email were. It could be he just never bothered to close the account. It could just be junk. They could be swingers. It could be any number of things but I’m not sure it’s your place to dig into it.
I was going to say maybe it’s an old profile until I saw you said they’ve been together for 10 years, I think that makes it far less likely. I still get notifications from eHarmony, and I haven’t been on the site in probably 5 years.
I think you should definitely say something to your brother. I would probably say something like, “Hey so when I used your iPad the other day, your email was open and there was a notification from ok Cupid. What’s going on?”
I wouldn’t have a problem saying something like that to my siblings, but I’m not sure what your relationship with your brother is like.
Id slap my brother upside the head. Say something. You may prevent him from making the biggest mistake of his life.
I would not say anything. Kill the messenger, anyone? It’s their marriage, it’ll work out eventually.
I would 1000% talk to him about it. If he has a perfectly good explanation for it and you both have a good laugh, great. What you DON’T want to happen is for sh*t to hit the fan soon (or worse, in a couple of years) and it comes out that he was cheating on his wife the whole time and YOU knew anything.
You’d feel AWFUL, and you’ll over-analyze every instance you’re with them and every detail of their relationship and drive yourself crazy until then, so just bite the bullet and bring it up in a non-accusatory way and cross your fingers your brother’s not one of those guys…
I’d ask him about it, but I wouldn’t go flipping out and telling his wife or accusing him of cheating or anything like that. There could still be an innocent explanation or it could be that his wife knows about it and is fine with it.
It’s possible that it’s spam. It’s also possible that it could be an old account, though 10 years seems a bit much, but maybe they broke up at some point during that 10 years and you didn’t know about it. I have an in a relationship coworker who made an account just for fun to see what people we knew/worked with had on their profiles (she was actually matched with a really weird coworker, which is funny).
My point is, that you don’t know that he’s cheating at this point, so accusing him isn’t going to do any good. I’d just casually ask him about it.
I joined OK Cupid (at least I think that’s the right site) way back when it was more about quizzes and less about dating – although both existed. I got emails well after I had forgotten my account info and it had switched to be much more about dating. I finally got fed up and just blocked it.
I also agree about the spam, I’ve had that from other dating sites I’ve never touched. Sometimes they can grab some info from stuff on other sites.
So it really could be nothing!
he’s your brother. not just a friend. you can do it!
Ditto the other PP who recommend asking your brother about it. It would still be worth a shot to log in to okcupid to confirm his activity level (or lack thereof).
I keep an OK cupid account and look at it from time to time because (99% of) the people on there are so weird and the messages I get are pure gold.
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