(Closed) My MARRIED brother is on Ok Cupid

posted 6 years ago in Family
Post # 46
Member
486 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2016

It happened to me… I found out Fiance was on OKCupid by his sister who casually told me one day “hey tell Fiance I’m gonna try OKCupid” then I was like ok sure… I had no idea what she was talking about so I went online and found out it was a dating site. I was wondering how the heck Fiance would know about this dating site??…well of course by being on it!! Sure enough I found his account and went livid. While skyping with Fiance that day I told him what his sister had told me and I innocently asked “what is that site?” And he mumbled something about a dating site and sure enough I made him confess that yes he had an account, but he said he learned about it through some conference and that it was made by engineers (his field) so he was curious as to what types of questions they asked so that’s why he created an account, but somehow he had forgotten to tell me and forgot to delete the account afterwards… The worst part is that I know Fiance is clueless enough to do smth like this. You can be sure I didn’t talk to him for 3 days after that And almost cancelled my trip to go see him the next weekend (yup we are in a LDR so you can imagine how freaked out I was when I discovered this!) So before jumping to conclusions consider if your brother could be on it for curiosity as stupid as it may sound yeah its possible.

 

Ok I just read your comment and hmm. The info on his profile is worrisome. I agree that you should talk to him first directly but please dont imply his wife just yet before talking to him it might make matters worse :/ I hope he replies something as silly as my Fiance…

Post # 47
Member
1062 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: April 2015

I wouldnt go through all the trouble of cstfishing. Just straight up ask him.

Post # 48
Member
894 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

View original reply
WestCoastV:  OMG yuck… yeah, and all the flirty messages sent back and forth before meeting… nope not gonna happen with MY bro! 

 

I’d just take a screenshot, meet him, and go WTF!

Post # 49
Member
339 posts
Helper bee

I’d be worried if I saw that on my brother’s phone and wondered what the heck he was doing on that site.  I would ask him what’s going on.

Post # 50
Member
1319 posts
Bumble bee

First, make sure your husband knows about this so he doesn’t think YOU made a profile to get other guys! Second, the no picture thing is more suspicious to me than having a picture. Seems like it would make it harder to get caught.

I would message him with just “hey *username*, what are you looking for?”. Be prepared for him to send back some gross sexual stuff, but he might also say “hey, wife and I are in open relationship, cool with that?”.

BUT, if he’s like “hey sexy, I’m single and looking to have fun”, say “I’m your sister dumbass I saw the emails on your phone, you better tell SIL so she can get STD tested, or I will.” 

Post # 51
Member
177 posts
Blushing bee

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thesummerangel:  

You actually buy your FI’s story?

Post # 52
Member
1188 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: April 2015

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thesummerangel:  um, that sounds very shady. how long ago did that happen?

Post # 53
Member
1463 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2016

I’m sorry you’re in this predicament.  I’m not sure what I would do, but I’ll just point out one thing:  I seriously doubt his profile would say ‘single’ if he were in an open relationship and/or they are swingers.  It’s been several years since I was on OKCupid, but I seem to remember that those are actually options that users can choose if they’re appropriate.  The fact that he didn’t choose one of those options is an indication that he is hiding something.  And it’s not uncommon.  When I was doing the internet dating thing, I met at least two men who claimed to be single, but when I started googling their info, I found out they were lying.   One of them I caught because his name came up in the search results, indicating that he and his wife were responsible for serving the coffee at church the following Sunday.  

Post # 54
Member
268 posts
Helper bee

For those of you who say “stay out of it”….I’m actually ashamed of you. If you knew your friend was being cheated on by her low life husband, I’m sure 100% of you would be all up on telling her and helping her leave the POS because she doesn’t deserve to be cheated on. And I’m also sure that 100% of you would want someone to tell you if they knew your husband was cheating on you. 

What makes this any different? The fact that OP has more loyalty to her brother than his wife because they’re related? He’s still being a low life. If it turns out that SIL knows and is cool with it, cool. No harm, no foul. But if she doesn’t, any decent person who knows about this should tell her and let her make her own decisions about what to do about it. 

Seriously, shame on you. 

Post # 56
Member
267 posts
Helper bee

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MrsWizard:  

He probably has the cartoon picture up because he doesn’t want people he knows IRL to see that he is cheating! I think that catfishing is a waste of time, but you could just send an email saying you are interested and ask for a pic. Then if he sends his pic you’ll know he is really doing it.

Also I do not think this is a swinging situation because there are specific websites for that and he would mention her in his profile.

Post # 57
Member
266 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2017

Why not just talk to him? Seems like a waste of time to do all that. You could’ve done that in the time it took to write up this post and be done by now. 

Post # 58
Member
376 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2016 - Winery

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thesummerangel:  You actually bought that? Umm ….

Post # 59
Member
5641 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: November 2009 - New York, NY

I would confront him directly ASAP, definitely no catfish.  He’s still your brother, not a random guy

Post # 60
Member
245 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: March 2016

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MrsWizard:  well if your brother saw your husbands ok cupid would you want him to tell you? Flip the situation around. I would tell his wife the info you found. If my sister was doing this to her husband-the man that takes care of her baby more than she does I’d tell him. That’s what I would do….. I hope you do the right thing.

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