Post # 1
This isn’t really a rant, I’m just sort of incredulous right now. My Mother-In-Law to be just showed me her wedding outfit for my wedding in 2 days, and it is really matchy with my outfit. It is a white dress with a pale nude lace overlay. (She had told me initially it was a light pink). I am wearing an ivory dress with lace. I am wearing dark pink shoes and dark pink lipstick (a raspberry color). My Mother-In-Law bought her shoes 2 days ago (after she’d seen mine!) and they are a nearly identical shade of dark pink. She also just showed me her lipstick and it is almost the same color as mine. Also, she was originally planning on wearing another dress, but switched to this one a few days ago, again AFTER she had seen my dress. When she showed me her outfit, I said “oh, I guess we’ll be matching” and she was like “no, the lace is nude.” The base layer of her dress is actually whiter than my dress- it is pure white, and the lace is very open so mostly you just see the base layer with a bit of nude lace overtop.
What should I do?! My partner saw the dress first and tried to talk to her about it, but my Mother-In-Law kept insisting that the dress wasn’t really white and that the outfit was different enough. I generally get along with my Mother-In-Law and I don’t want to cause drama. I don’t think she’ll look like the bride or out shine me or anything like that, I just think it will look really weird and that people will definitely notice and comment. When people had asked me what to wear to the wedding, I specifically said they could wear anything except white, even black or anything they liked. And if she had chosen a different accent color that would have been somewhat different, but both of us in basically white lace dresses with nearly identical lipstick and dark pink accessories, it’s just gonna look weird. I’m leaning toward just sucking it up, because I think it will be clear to everyone that she copied me, not the other way around. I just kind of can’t believe she did this and I feel super uncomfortable about it… Mostly I think it’s going to look extra weird in pictures, what do you think?
thoughts? Advice? Support? Thanks all.
Post # 2
just tell her no… I have no idea why people pussyfoot around this, its obviously attention seeking behavior and anyone with half a braincell would know its a no and you cant do that but sometimes some selfcentered people actually need to be told ‘no’ to get the message
let her sulk but the wedding is not about her so she’ll either get over it or look like the petty one
Post # 3
Imitation is the highest form of flattery. I was an easygoing bride, so I’d let it go. She will learn her own lesson. You will look fantastic, and people will wonder why she chose to wear what she did. The bride and Mother-In-Law pictures will look very interesting.
Post # 4
Better still, have fiance tell her no. It’s his mom and even he doesn’t sound happy about it.
Want to point out though that lipstick and shoes? You just need to suck it up there.
Post # 5
Have Fiance tell his mom that people will be talking about her behind her back.
Have your mom wear something similar to the rehearsal tonight?
Spill red wine on her just before the wedding? jk.
Post # 6
Yeah have Fiance tell her he doesn’t want his mom looking like his bride and she needs to go back to the first dress.
Post # 7
your fiance needs to tell her not to wear this!
Post # 8
So many people have already tried to talk her out of it, including my fiancée who specifically told their mom “you can’t wear that, it’s too close to white.” Apparently my Father-In-Law also tried to talk to her about it too. Like the lipstick and shoe color would have been fine with a different dress, but now we’re not just both wearing white dresses, we’re both wearing white dresses with dark pink accessories.
I already made it clear I’d rather have her wear the dark blue dress she was originally planning on wearing. We’re hoping her sister, who she’ll listen to, will take one look at the dress tomorrow and tell her not to wear it. She just keeps insisting it’s not at all white and looks nothing like my outfit. Like she was concerned it would be too similar to the color of my mom’s dress, which is a dark rose. I think somehow she doesn’t see how similar it is, and my partner thinks that when she sees the photos later, she’ll realize it and regret it. It’s so weird. I tried to tell her we’d be super matchy!! But now I’m just going to let her make her own decision and wear it if she wants to. It’s more important to me that she enjoys our wedding and is in a good mood, but I’m just kind of shocked she’s so insistent it’s different!
thanks for the support, everyone! It’s a strange and awkward situation and I wish I weren’t in this position right now…
Post # 9
Are you near enough that you can bring your dress over and lay it beside hers? Maybe an ounce of perspective, but honestly she sounds like she’s made up her mind no matter what you do. I think she’s being delusionally rude if so many people have already told her it’s inappropriate.
Post # 10
Does she live nearby? Can you have her bring the dress over and hold it up next to yours?
It’s great that you are cool with the idea – but I’d ask your Fiance to nix the idea. She will be in the main family photos and will look like an identical twin in the photos.
The dark blue dress would be perfect and she won’t be the subject of nasty gossip.
Post # 11
- Wedding: November 2009 - New York, NY
Let’s hope she comes to her senses and chooses to wear the blue dress; if she doesn’t, it will reflect badly on her.
Post # 12
can you have your partner speak to her if it bothers you?
Imitation is a form of flattery- but maybe your partner can talk her into the idea that the other dress is more suited.
Post # 13
Since Future Father-In-Law doesn’t seem too keen on the idea of her wearing this dress either, can you guys hide it?
Post # 14
No one is that stupid. She damn well knows that the dress looks very similar to yours. She’s playing dumb because she wants to wear it.
Post # 15
I think your fi needs to firmly and kindly put his foot down. This wouldn’t be up for discussion to me. She doesn’t need to agree. She does need to be mature and respectful, and not make a damned fool of herself. I’d take her shopping, and make it out to be an enjoyable bonding experience, but encourage her very strongly to choose another dress, or go with the blue one. If she continues to refuse, you can tell her the white lace dress is absolutely, obviously innappropriate and you would really prefer that she didn’t wear it this one night, and ask that she respect your feeling on the matter and just choose another dress. That’s not asking too much.