- 8 years ago
- Wedding: July 2011
I want to type this out and hear any feedback and am not really looking for a specific answer, you know how typing things out or re-thinking your thoughts and putting them into words helps make things make more sense?
I was engaged in July, getting married next July. Fiance has asked/told his Bridesmaid or Best Man and GM’s (5 total) to be in our wedding.
I, on the other hand refuse to tell people by phone or email and want to ask them all around the same time. 2 I won’t see until December -over Christmas.
Fiance came up with the number 5, and I do want to match his numbers.
I do not have a “mutual” best friend where she and I are bestfriends and wouldn’t call anyone else a best friend. I have many good friends, and many different groups of friends, through sports, life and school.
I have a sister, she is 8 years younger than me, we grew up totally differently and if we weren’t sisters I would probably beat her for the amount of stupidity she oozes -however, I do love her.
Originally I said sister would be my Maid/Matron of Honor for “easy” reasons. Not having to pick a friend, she will always be my sister, blah blah. Sister, we will call her “M” is very rough, like beyond rebellious, not scared of anything, irresponsible rough -in high school still, failing courses, and being wild. We keep waiting for her to “hit rock bottom” and rise up, I offer support like crazy, offer her or connect her with so much opportunity wise and she will bail (on jobs, volunteer hours, etc) and my Mom ends up having to cover -she doesn’t understand the effects of her actions and the ripple effect it has on others. She is a known liar to the family, but has no care or shame. I love her, when she’s great, she’s awesome and we click, however, her bad side leaves harsh memories and hurt on family members.
Fiance has two brothers, one married, one not (but in longtime relationship, let’s call married one “J”, and longtime relationship “T”. I am definitely closer with T, I attended J’s wedding last summer and that is where we met for the 1st time. J and T live halfway across country with FI’s brothers and rest of fam.
I have a few lontime friends,
K, who is a get along with everyone, would never betray you, or say anything wrong of anyone friend. We’re not super close, but I could and would confide in her for anything and love getting together (we live an hour apart and of course are very busy). I have known K for 4-5 years.
V I have known since I was 12, and we grew up getting into trouble at the barn (horse girls) and then into our teens at local parties and just being crazy teenagers. Went opposite directions for university, we could not speak for weeks, months and catch up like we never missed a beat. Similar in outgoing wildflower personality and is someone I can count on, but has let me down before (as I have to her as well, I won’t lie). V has met Fiance twice as she just mved back into the province, but is still 3 hrs away.
A I have known since I was 4, A has 2 very, very close bff’s, but A and I have a friendship different than that of the bff’s because we go so far back. Could tell her anything and would never worry. A works in the city for big bank and lives an unreal lifestyle compared to mine, but we still can be on the same page when we get to catch up. A loves my Fiance (even caught us on the town on our 2nd date!) and can’t wait to meet someone like my Fiance (so she says!)
S, is a recent work friend, who I worked with, then ended up working for me in a different office within the same company. We have always had a lot in common and S is about 4 years younger and young into her university career, but still wise and we come from divorced families and just have a great chemistry to our friendship. S knows the ins and outs of my and FI’s relationship.
S, A, K, V are all independant of each other, only know of each other as much as I have talked about to them. J and T of course know each other, but not any of the girls here, and of course sister is sister, knows V and has only heard of the rest. There is no drama of having to pick one, and not the other, with exception to J and T!
Originally, my “list” was…..
Maid/Matron of Honor -M (sister)
J, T, K and S
I made this call when sister was being great. The past two weekends have been hell with her (my poor Mom) I am long out of the house and my sister is medway through high school) and my Mom doesn’t think I should include her in the wedding party and I am so on the fence. My new list has her “out”, but I will give her some role, usherette, helper, etc. I struggle with this as down the road I don’t want to wish M was included. If M was a couple years within my age and we shared some basic common ground, then I think no matter what I would include her. With such a difference in age (which results in so many other differences) this is my current list.
Maid/Matron of Honor -V (and yes I acknowledge V wasn’t in my first list, but I don’t think I was thinking clearly and this is why I refuse to make a decision in any sort of rush! haha
J, T, K and A
A and S I toss between, one goes so far back with and that can never be “beaten”, but S knows more of Fiance and I currently -probably because we see each other every week. A and I can only get together every 2nd/3rd month or so now. Either would stand beside me proudly.
J and T I am including because they are family and FI’s brother’s will be in the wedding party. I would probably include T if she was just my friend and not FI’s brother’s girlfriend, but I can’t include her and not J -I wouldn’t want to “go there”.
That’s where I’m at. I want to sleep on this, for more than one night -and I have. I would love to hear any insight (and yes, I know I’m nuts….so no crazy comments needed :p) anyone might have!