(Closed) My MOH backed out of my wedding 2 weeks before the wedding

posted 8 years ago in Bridesmaids
Post # 32
Member
55 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

@hpsporty:  I feel for you. I lost my Maid/Matron of Honor  in early March. When I asked her to be my Maid/Matron of Honor I knew her time would be limited because she was going tohack to Hawaii to finish school. But When She decided in January not to go back I thought ok cool she can help me. Well she decided to move  to SA and help one of her friend adopt a kid and pretend to be in a relationship with him. I remember one instance in which I asked her if she could get me some vases from Dollar Tree since in SA there are many and where I live there is only one. I sent her the money and everything. Well she was suppose to drop them off after i got out of work. But since I am a teacher, we had an after school STAAR training, so I texted her and told her I would go and pick them up. Well let’s just say the box was waiting for me outside my house. She threw the stupid box over the fence and broke all 12 vases. When I called her to ask her what happened, she proceeded to tell me that she could not wait for me because she needed to go back to SA. Well needless to say I asked her not to be a part of the wedding. she was a complete nightmare. And I did need hel. Since most of the decor was DIY. I just thank the heavens for having such an awesome future husband and a group of amazing co-workers who helped me out. I have to say that without her in my wedding party has been awesome. 

Post # 33
Member
94 posts
Worker bee

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@VegasSukie:

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@VegasSukie: I TOTALLY agree with you. I am new here and I have had some things that I needed support on and have not dared write about them here. I am horrified that people in need of support get verbally bashed here. I have tentatively posted some minor things but haven’t dared go into anything emotional.

    One thing that really makes me so sad about all the wedding posts is when brides are told “No one cares about your day as much as you do /You should be thinking of your BM’s feelings not yours / Your Bridesmaid or Best Man owes you nothing/ all she needs to do is just turn up on the day” All of this makes me cringe!

   My bridesmaids are both thrilled to be taking part in this role on my day. And it is a role you have in a wedding. A bridesmaid isn’t a guest. They aren’t expected to just turn up on the day if that was the case they would be part of the congregation wearing what they want and doing what they want. They would not be at the house getting ready with the bride, accompanying her to the venue, adjusting her train or veil, standing up next to the bride, seated at the top table, mentioned in the speeches….

   One of my bridesmaids has never been a bridesmaid before and says that she is as excited as I am! So much for this forum mantra of “No one cares as much about your wedding as you do”!

    People who reply on these boards could remember that we are all human – we all have faults. Typing about something emotional like this is never easy for the OP, and yes people might not express themselves well in a stressful situation but we should perhaps take a deep breath before replying judgmentally. You might totally disagree with someone and of course you are entitled to do so….but we don’t have the right to judge people.

    Perhaps less critique of her situation as you view it and her mistakes and more emphasis on how she can go about correcting a situation that went sadly wrong. When I read this OP I don’t think how bad she is – rather this is a sad situation where two friends were on different pages and both reacted badly. Nothing is ever as black and white as “you are wrong and she is right” We have all done things in our past that with hindsight perhaps wasn’t the best way to handle it – it would be a much nicer place if people remembered this before answering

Post # 34
Member
300 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: February 2013 - Colonial Country Club, Ft. Myers, FL

I’ll make it short and sweet, otherwise I’ll go off on a tangent.

This applies to friends and loved ones in general:

DON’T MAKE PROMISES YOU CAN’T KEEP

(unless its an emergency of course, you can’t control those :oP)

 

 

 

 

Post # 35
Member
82 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

Ok… I don’t think it was very nice of her to dro out just befor your wedding. I have been doing everything myseldf and my Maid/Matron of Honor keeps asking me what she can do cause that is what she is there for. A Maid/Matron of Honor is not unpaid labour but someone to help you plan your big day.

I hope you find someone who will replace her and will help you in your final countdown to your special day!

Post # 36
Member
1469 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: April 2012

@hpsporty: Sorry everybody is being so harsh on you, I know i would have been dissapointed if my Maid/Matron of Honor or bridesmaids had not planned at least a girls weekend or something and were not willing to help me.  And a ture friend would not drop out unless you were truly abusing them, so she must really not be as good of a friend as you thought 🙁

I think it is really sad that she did not help, I would be upset too…. and I think most people would be, even the ones who say they wouldnt, they would, thats the point of the Maid/Matron of Honor, if you dont want to help then say no when you are asked.

I really feel for you, I am so sorry.  and it is true nobody cares about the wedding as much as you do, but a true bestfriend will want to be there to help and to support you!  This is supposed to be a fun time, if you dont want to help then be a guest and say no I do not want to stand up with you on your wedding day…… How sad, please dissregard all the harsh comments made by previous posters! 

She does not sound like a good friend and to bail on you right before the wedding?!?  I would say to not try and fix the relationship, she has issues you are probably better off!!!   

Post # 38
Member
1736 posts
Bumble bee

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@hpsporty:  I am really glad that you were able to have a fun night out with the ladies that mean that most to you AND it’s awesome that your Fiance took the time to help them plan something for you. In the end, these things all happen for a reason…I hope that you and ex-MOH are able to work things out in the long run. Good luck and congrats on the impending nuptuals! 🙂

Post # 39
Member
1880 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2012

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@Zoe75:  I love EVERYTHING you said and completely agree!  If you ever need to vent or advice or anything and you don’t want to post, please, please feel free to PM me.  I promise to not judge you and try to be as helpful and honest as I can be without bashing you or making you feel bad for even asking. 

This goes to any Bee that wants some non-judgmental support.  I’m here if you need me! Wink

Post # 40
Member
1880 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2012

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@hpsporty:  I am so happy to ready your update!  It’s great when friends and loved ones take the time to celebrate each others’ accomplishments, successes, etc.  As for your friend, perhaps she just needs some time to work things out in her life.  It’s up to you whether you will be there for her if she comes back.  Good luck to you!

Post # 41
Member
94 posts
Worker bee

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@hpsporty:  I am so glad to read your update and at least you know something more about the situation. And WOW to the idea of you being kidnapped and it is great your fiance planned some of it! Sounds like they are the kind of friends you should treasure. I hope that in time things can be resolved with your Maid/Matron of Honor, though I think you have to accept that there is not much you can do about it at the moment as she may not be in a place where she can deal with it. The main thing you should focus on is that you are  happy. 

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@VegasSukie:  Thank you so much – It would be good to share some stress. Definitely not the place to do it here! ;o)

Post # 42
Member
1513 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

glad you got to have some sort of bachelorette outing! that is a pretty weak reason for your Maid/Matron of Honor to be endangering your friendship… i hope she gets over her jealousy soon :/

i agree with all the bees out there asking people to chill a little on the harshness. i see it here more and more but i would be very disappointed if my girls didnt plan a bachelorette for me, as i have/will do for them… i think thats natural!

and i will be pulling my local girls in to help from time to time  because i love my friends and i am doing this without a mother, so i need my BMs to be a support for me. if they took issue with that, they wouldnt be very good friends, would they?

Post # 43
Member
94 posts
Worker bee

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@bostongirl27:  Yep totally agree. I think that it is a shame that posts repeatedly say that ‘BM’s are not slaves’ when I really don’t think the majority of brides here have ever wanted their friends to be slaves. Reading this just makes the brides feel very guilty about wanting their friends to support them and share in the biggest day of their lives.

 If a Bridesmaid or Best Man thinks that the ‘support’ role of Bridesmaid or Best Man is too much then maybe she needs to think about her relationship with the bride and if it is worth continuing with, or at the very least decline being Bridesmaid or Best Man – because at the end of the day their attitude to the stressed out bride is making her more stressed.

   I am very lucky I know – My Maid/Matron of Honor would do anything I asked as she is my best friend in the world and in her own words “I will do ANYTHING to make sure that you have the wedding day of your dreams” I don’t think I treat her like a slave because I don’t want to hand everything over and make her do it. The most important thing to me though is knowing that if a problem came up and I was having difficulty with it she would help me. She would be devastated if I decided that all she had to do was just show up on the day and smile. She is a natural organiser and in fact she would probably want to do more than she is already doing!

Post # 44
Member
151 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: June 2011

OP, glad you got to have a bachelorette party that you enjoyed! 🙂

 

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@Zoe75:  Totally agree with your posts!

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