Post # 1
I’m getting married on 13th of September and my Maid/Matron of Honor tested me 2 days ago and said the following “Hey, I just heard that Nick (her ex) is your fiance’s groomsman. To be honest I feel really uncomfortable with this and I don’t know if I can be your Maid/Matron of Honor anymore… I’m having second thoughts”
I calmed down before I went beserk at her. I sent a long email to her saying how dare you do this so close to the wedding. My fiance is so agnry and upet with you. Even after we have already conveniently paid for every thing. Your so selfsh to put your hang ups about your ex boyfriend before our big day. She knew for over a year that he was coming to the wedding and now I think she just expected me and my hubby to just chuck him out JUST for her… We would never. So now after I said all that she calls me crying saying that I’m the B**** and what I said was so hurtful and now she doesn’t know if she wants to be apart of the wedding and SHELL let me KNOW… I’m so mad! She doesn’t know that I’ve officially uninvited her and she still thinks she’s Maid/Matron of Honor.
I made my sister Maid/Matron of Honor and now I’m calling my fiances cousin to ask her if she wants to be Bridesmaid or Best Man. What do I do about this friend? Was I right in telling her this?
Post # 3
Did she know that her ex was a groomsman all along? Or did she just think he was attending the wedding as a guest? Only it is all very well castigating her for dropping out 6 weeks before the wedding but to be fair, there’s a big difference between encountering her ex as a guest and having to spend the day with him as part of the wedding party. If this is something she has only just discovered then she couldn’t have made a decision any earlier.
Post # 4
@karma92: In my opinion you should have phoned or visited instead of email. (Even though she was so rude as to use text herself). But your approach is 100% correct. If she can’t handle her ex standing a few metres away from her, then yes she’s out of the wedding.
Post # 5
Instead of emailing her I think you should have called her. I try to stay away from texts and email when I’m upset. Granted she should have called you instead of texting you initially but I still think your response should have been nicer via a phone call, she’s not just anybody you’re obviously close enough to her that you made her your Maid/Matron of Honor.
Post # 6
- Wedding: October 2014 - UK
It doesn’t sound very much like you calmed down before you sent her the email, and it sounds like you’re still very angry about it.
Did you ask her why she was uncomfortable about being so close to her ex? Was their breakup not amicable? Does one of them still have feelings for the other?
Rather than chewing her out, you might have been better asking what her concerns were and addressing them – as your Maid/Matron of Honor she is supposed to be your best friend, but you’ve seemed a bit unconcerned with her issues except as to how they affect YOU.
I think maybe you need to take a chill pill and cool down, and when she calls again apologise for the email and ask why she is worried about her ex being a groomsman (if I understand it right, if she’s Maid/Matron of Honor and he’s a groomsman they won’t be paired up or anything, she’ll be paired with the Bridesmaid or Best Man for photos, won’t she?) and see if you can alleviate her worries a bit.
Post # 7
So a friend comes to you about her concerns and you go beserk at her? Sorry OP but I don’t think you are being much of a friend here.
There is a big difference between knowing someone is going to be present and having to interact and stand up with someone. I think it was unfair of you guys not to tell her that he was going to be a groomsman. If she had kown earlie she could have stepped down then or had time to get used to the idea.
She also didn’t say she was stepping down, she said she was having second thoughts. Maybe instead of going beserk at her you could have been a friend and talked it through withher. Reassurred her that it would be fine and that your Fiance would talk to the groomsman about respecting her space.
Sorry but I think you are so in the wrong about this one and your ex friend has every right to be angry with you. I think you need to get your head out of the bride bubble and remember that the world doesn’t revolve around you and your wedding.
Post # 8
If you calmed down before you went off on her I would hate to think what else you could have said. She had concerns, you ripped her a new backside. Poorly handled. Just as she is supposed to be your best friend, YOU are supposed to be hers also and you should have calmed yourself down (for real), and asked her why she felt this way and what could you do to help her.
Post # 9
@karma92: whoa. She doesn’t sound as if she was all that important to you. Your response was extremely mean and immature. You did her a favor here.
Post # 10
I feel sorry for your friend. She goes to someone who she thought as her best friend and inside of being sympathetic and reassuring you go off on her. on top of that now you are going to be spiteful and not only kick her out of the bridal party but uninvite her completely behind her back! What you should do is apologize.
Post # 11
Being completely honest, it doesn’t seem like you calmed down before you sent her the email. The email sounds very harsh, and if someone responded that way to me over saying I felt uncomfortable in a situation, I would probably be in tears too.
I think that talking it through before starting with the “How dare you” statements might have helped get you both to a resolution. She was probably feeling hesitant and just wanted to chat about it, but you took it as a “I’m not coming any more”.
I think there’s two options – wait until you’ve calmed down and chat to her about how her comment stressed you out, and apologise to her for the reacting the way you did, OR continue with getting a new bridesmaid. I hope that you can both work through it. Good luck xo
Post # 12
I agree with previous posters – it sounds like she honestly came to you to talk it through. Being in the same room as someone is one thing, being in a small group with them is quite another. She said she had to think about it, not that she’s stepping down.
Also, “She doesn’t know that I’ve officially uninvited her and she still thinks she’s Maid/Matron of Honor.” Errr, no. She’s not uninvited until you tell her she’s uninvited.
Post # 14
- Wedding: June 2013 - Upstate NY
You “calmed down” before you went ape shit like that? Yikes… I wouldn’t want to be your Maid/Matron of Honor either with the venom you just spat.
Post # 15
- Wedding: September 2014 - Manhattan Church Rec Center
Sorry girl I think you were harsh. The emil was a bit overboard and hurtful
Post # 16
- Wedding: October 2013 - A Beautiful converted Barn
I think this thread should be called “I’ve demoted and uninvited my Maid/Matron of Honor with 6 weeks to go”
you overreacted – you need to calm down and phone her to sort things out… and apologise. Sounds like you got a little bridezilla in your views of whats important.
By the sounds of it she hasn’t definitely dropped out or stepped down…Also – if you have ‘uninvited’ her – you need to tell her, otherwise thats just childish and petty.