(Closed) My MOH dropped out 6 weeks before the wedding!!!

posted 7 years ago in Emotional
Post # 17
Member
3080 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: July 2014

@karma92:  Wow. What a snot. She should have sucked it up for you. Especially since she knew all along that he was a groomsmen. I say good riddance. Better off without this toxic person in your bridal party and your life.

Post # 18
Member
9452 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2013

@karma92:  you are both in the wrong.  you wrote a very nasty email.

you should have called her.  spoke to her calmly and tried to see if you could work something out.

what i don’t understand is.  she told you she isn’t the Maid/Matron of Honor anymore, yet still thinks she is?  how does that work…

Post # 19
Member
1833 posts
Buzzing bee

As far as I’m concerned, you owe her for her dress too.  “To be honest I feel really uncomfortable with this and I don’t know if I can be your Maid/Matron of Honor anymore… I’m having second thoughts” doesn’t mean she dropped out of your wedding, it means she needed to talk to you.

You have kicked her out so you need to reimburse her.

Post # 20
Member
877 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2013 - A Beautiful converted Barn

@hermom YES!!! TOTALLY agree with this!!

Post # 21
Member
12244 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: May 2013

Yeah, I’m with PPs. It sounds more like she wanted to be coddled and reassured (Don’t worry, you’re doing better than he is, look how gorgeous you are, he’s going to be jealous of you all night, I wouldn’t worry…) than that she wanted to drop out!

Post # 22
Hostess
7547 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: January 2013

View original reply
@j_jaye:  Agreed

Post # 23
Member
229 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

@karma92:  Hey Bee! I cannot believe the responses that you are getting. Some posters on here are replying as if their Maid/Matron of Honor canceled on them six weeks before the wedding, they would be calm and not be angered by it…yeah right! This Maid/Matron of Honor was not a very good friend to you and is being completely inconsiderate. I totally agree with you and what what you did. I would be pissed too! She has no right to cancel her part in your wedding six weeks beforehand. Especially if she knew a year ago that her ex was in the wedding party. I think you should just ignore her and if she comes To the wedding, great! If she doesn’t, fine. Either way you should definitely keep replaced as your Maid/Matron of Honor. You don’t need the drama! You can have a long conversation with her after your wedding.

Post # 24
Member
396 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: April 2013

If she just thought he was going to be a guest that is one thing. But having to be with him all day in a bridal party for pics is a totally different thing. And i personally think she has every right to drop out. It’s your fault for not disclosing this information to her prior. I would probably do the same depending on the circumstances of my break up.

 

Post # 25
Member
3080 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: July 2014

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@ashleyr0512:  She said that she did disclose them, a YEAR prior.

Not for anything, but this girl sounds like a crap friend. I have been in a bridal party with an ex before and you know what, you SUCK IT UP for your friend. There are things in life that make us uncomfortable, there are people that we don’t like but have to live with, but sometimes we just have to do things that we don’t like.

Sure, the OP might have over-reacted but I would LOVE to see how a lot of these posters would have reacted if their Maid/Matron of Honor told them 2 months before that she was having second thoughts. That’s totally not cool.

Post # 26
Member
1030 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

@karma92:  Ugh, as bad as it was for her to tell you she might have to drop out… i read what she said as reaching out and needing support. 

Maybe all she needed to hear from you as a friend was that everything will be okay, that you will make sure they aren’t the ones walking together or paired together. She probably also felt betrayed that you had not discussed it with her sooner and was hurt and offended by that as well. I think that was one of the moments when you had to stop being a bride and her stop being a Maid/Matron of Honor and just treat her like a friend. 

I know as a bride you were really hurt and as a Maid/Matron of Honor it was wrong for her to suggest dropping out. But in that moment, she needed a friend, so when her friend didn’t show up and the “bride” did – I think you really hurt her. She probably felt that you cared more about your wedding than her feelings and like you weren’t really listening to her or taking her feelings into consideration. 

Try and talk to her and smooth it out. its not worth loosing a friendship over. be the bigger person and apologize for not considering her fears and offering support. Give her a few days to digest it and hopefully she will. If not, then maybe you move on. But i dont think you should abandon this yet and risk ruining the friendship for longer than just on your wedding day. 

Post # 27
Member
2479 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: May 2013

We still haven’t heard all the facts here. Like how long ago did the Maid/Matron of Honor know that her ex was going to be a groomsman. It’s all very well saying she’s known he was coming to the wedding for a year but as pp have said (and indeed I think I have too!) attending as a guest is not the same.

I’m another person who thinks that if the OP’s email was the result of “calming down” then I hate to imagine what the less than calm version might have been. I suspect it would have caught fire on receipt!

I do think that the ex-MOH has good reason to feel hurt. She mentioned that she was having second thoughts but instead of having the chance to discuss this sensibly, she’s now been the recipient of an aggressive email and promptly sacked as Maid/Matron of Honor. Although on a pedantic note, if she doesn’t know she’s been removed from office then she’s not been officially uninvited, has she? 

Whatever the ins and outs, I think you can successfully conclude that your friendship is now history though, OP.

 

Post # 28
Member
11518 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: May 2014

i agree with PP’s, i think you went a little far on this one.  it doesn’t sound like you calmed down at all.  I think your Bridesmaid or Best Man might be right and you were a little harsh with her.

Post # 29
Member
419 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2012

@karma92:  THIS WAS ME LAST SUMMER!!! Exactly the same situation. Mine dropped out on me becuase she didn’t want to walk with Mr. D’s best friend. It was an awful, awful situation, I still have bad feelings toward her. 

Let me tell you one thing….do not for one second think about this on your wedding day!!! Not for one second. She’s being irrational, not you. 

Post # 30
Member
777 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2009

@karma92:  She didn’t drop out. She tried talking to you about her concerns and you FLIPPED out. You are absolutely the one in the wrong here. I feel sorry for your friend.

Post # 31
Member
999 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: March 2012

If that happened to me, I would’ve talked to my friend, convince her that its no big deal that her ex is in the bridal party. Maybe she’s holding on to some strong old feelings that she’s having a hard time coping. A friend will help her through to open her eyes that its no big deal. If she still had an issue with it then it would be best that stepped out of the bridal party. BUT IF WOULD’VE BEEN BETTER TO CALMLY TALK IT OUT. An email saying that your fiance is mad, etc etc was kind of mean on your part. You could’ve come across differently. I understand it’s your wedding, big day, but no need to be hurtful to friends. Seems like you’ve already made up your mind of not including her. Make sure you let her know, don’t assume she does. Kind of feel bad for your friend. Good Luck to you guys.

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