- 5 years ago
- Wedding: July 2013
Sorry, I just need to talk about this and I’m not ready to tell my friends, other bridesmaids, etc yet. So, it’s a little random, but thanks for being the “someones” I can tell.
I talked to my best friend, who I had asked to be my Maid/Matron of Honor in September. She’s been living in Australia with her fiance, and has been waiting to find out what job the two of them are getting for next year (when my wedding is.) They are performers, so they’ve been to tons of auditions.
The two we’ve been waiting to hear from are in Japan and on a cruise ship. And I’ve known for about a month that if they got Japan all happy she can take vacation and afford to come to the weddng. If they get the cruise ship, they can’t come if the wedding falls during the contract they are offered.
I guess I was just in denial, she’s audition for tons of cruise ships and hasn’t made one yet, why would this be different? But they made the cruise and they didn’t make Japan.
So… we talked last night, and she told me… And I really get it, I do. I’m so proud of her, and happy for her, she and her fiance now can live together again (Visa situation, they won’t see each other til April!) And it will help be able to offset this last year of unemployment they’ve had, and it really is so great.
But I’m just heartbroken, it’s really hard for me to picture my wedding day without her there, we did our whole 20’s together, commiserated as nearly every other friend got married, turned thirty together, got engaged the same year, we travel to a variety of countries to see each other at least once a year. For her not to be there on that day just feels so empty. So impossible. And I know, I know it’s about me and my fiance. I know. But I lived a long and important life before he was in it, and she is very much a part of that.
Also, I already have another bridesmaid who has also been a best friend for more than ten years hoping to get pregnant ASAP, and if she does she also can’t come to my wedding. And I get it, they lost their infant daughter last year, and are desperate to complete their family. I want that for her. But if she gets pregnant by spring, she also won’t be attending.
I get it, I really do. I want these things, these successes for my dear friends. but I can’t help but experience it as a loss too.
It hurts that this is the way everything happened. I don’t blame either at all. I just, can’t believe that after all this time life is unfair in this one thing. Now I feel like a whiny baby. Agh. Anyways. sorry for the long post. I just needed to process, thanks for reading.