Post # 1
My maid of honor recently admitted to me that she really dislikes my fiance. She basically said that she thought he was rude and condescending to her on multiple ocassions but when I read a few of their conversations that she pointed out, he was responding in a completely normal way and she was the one taking things the wrong way and basically escalating things. I asked how I could help fix their relationship since I obviously care about both of them and she asked him to apologize, which he did. Her response to this was “well, it’s too late now” and said that even though she doesn’t like him as a person, that it has to reason to affect me because she still likes me. Now theres all of this tension between them and I’m stuck in the middle and it really gives me a lot of anxiety and negative feelings.
How can she be my bridesmaid knowing that she doesn’t like the man I’m going to marry if she’s supposed to support me through this time in my life? All I can picture is if she gave a toast, how if she said how happy she was that we were getting married that deep down it would be this weird lie.
I’ve tried to talk to her multiple times but she won’t budge and started getting irritated that I was defending him and saying that we were rushing into our marriage.
What do I do? Should I just try to ignore it and keep her in the wedding? Am I the one being too sensitive?
Post # 3
Realistically, how much contact are they going to have after the wedding?
You cannot force people to be friends, and I do not see how her personal like or dislike of your fiance means she cannot be your MoH, support you, or be a good bridal party member.
I was a bridesmaid for a very good friend of mine. I did not like her husband. He was very nice, but I was not fond of the guy. I was mature enough to put my dislike of the gent away for a while and support my friend.
I assume your friend can do the same, and you need to leave the issue alone. You’re just going to aggrivate a wound that you cannot fix. It isn’t your responsibility to fix it. If she wanted to be his friend, she’d fix it.
Post # 4
I would not have anyone at my wedding that didn’t support me and my SO as a couple. I especially wouldn’t have a Maid/Matron of Honor that didn’t respect my relationship or disliked my Fiance. Like you said she is supposed to be supporting you and helping you through this but instead she is causing drama and tension between you and your SO. I would tell her that you love her as a friend and you hope you can still remain friends after the wedding but her lack of support is uncomfortable and you need to be surrounded by love and support on of the most important day of your life. Shape up or ship out!
Post # 6
I would not have someone in the bridal party who did not 100% support my marriage including being friends with my fiance.
Post # 7
I dislike some of my friend’s significant others. I still love my friends. I would still be in someone’s wedding AND be happy for them unless this person was an abuser or cheater.
Post # 8
When I marry my SO there will be no one in attendance who does not sincerely love us both and support us as a couple, never mind standing beside me as Maid/Matron of Honor. The day I take my vows of marriage is far too important and intimate of an occasion to have unsupportive people present.
Post # 10
Just because your MoH dislikes your fiance does not mean she will be unsupportive or any less happy for you. If she is a mature woman, she can easily say, “I think you’re rushing things but I will support you anyway.”
Post # 11
I don’t necessarily think the Maid/Matron of Honor has to be friends with your Fiance. She is there to support you. There have been lots of thread about how someone is asked to be In the bridal party, but don’t really approve of the marriage. The general consensus on those threads is– suck it up and support your friend/family. Of course, you should do what you’re most comfortable with. But in reality, none of my bridesmaid really spend much time with DH, so it wouldnt have been a big deal to me if the didn’t get along. And actually, now I think about it, they kinda don’t.
Post # 12
I’m my sister’s Maid/Matron of Honor and only bridesmaid and I can honestly say I don’t like her Fiance. In fact my whole family doesn’t BUT we love her and support her, she is the one we care about. Being there for her is important to her and we love her so we deal with it. I don’t think your friend should have told you she didn’t like your Fiance, but you cant make them like each other and they probably won’t have to spend a ton of time together. I don’t think you’re being overly sensitive, it sucks to hear your friend doesn’t like your Fiance, but hopefully she can be there for you and put her feelings aside to support you. I think the fact that she agreed to be your Maid/Matron of Honor shows she supports you. I would keep her in the wedding, as long as she wants to be in it!
Post # 13
This one would be hard for me. I would feel in the middle. I know that my Maid/Matron of Honor would never say anything if she didn’t like my fiancee or stir trouble. She would internalize her thoughts, for my sake. friction like this can cause problems. If they are going to handle the whole dislike thing maturely then no problem, but I thought her comment a little immature.He did appoligize, which was thrown in his face. Badly done by Maid/Matron of Honor.
Post # 14
If you Maid/Matron of Honor is willing to be nice to your Fiance and doesn’t plan on causing drama with him, or between you and him, I wouldn’t be overly worried.
If she is making things difficult, then I agree with the posters who have said that she shouldn’t be a part of you wedding day if she refuses to support your marriage.
Post # 15
Honestly if my best friend told me she had concerns about my fianance or disliked him then I would be worried that I was blinded by love. Sorry but the reason someone is your close friend is because you love them, respect them and trust them. It would certainly make me think twice about someone. If you have a perfectly common relationship with this friend (as in it is not co-dependant or this is not a normal trait for them) then they really have no vested interest in causing trouble or breaking you up. It would make me think that I may be glossing over the issue. I would definately talk more with her and maybe with others to see if it was something I am refusing to recognise.
Post # 16
I disagree. The reality is there are going to be people in the world that we don’t like. It doesn’t mean OP needs to question her relationship with her Fiance. It just means that there’s something about MOH’s and FI’s personalities that don’t mix. Maid/Matron of Honor doesn’t have to like Fiance and vice versa but they should be respectful of each other for the sake of OP.
I do not have an Maid/Matron of Honor because she does not like my Fiance. He has made every effort to befriend her and I think it’s because of her own relationship problems that she can’t accept him. Since you have already made your friend your Maid/Matron of Honor I would just try to not worry about the friction between the two. It is ultimately something they either work out or not. No need to stress yourself out or put yourself in the middle. That said, I know it can be difficult to hear the two people you love most in the world don’t like each other.