Post # 17
Thanks everyone. I did have a talk with her a few weeks ago and she said she would try, but she is not doing a very good job. She had originally told me about a month or so ago that she would be getting here for the wedding the Thursday before. So, with that news, I made some appointments and plans for us to do relaxing stuff, pedicures, massages, etc. Plus, my bachelorette is that Thursday. Now, she is telling me that she isn’t coming until Friday and she doesn’t even know what time she will be here so she may not even make the rehearsal. She’s just turned into such a flake. I would actually be genuinely concerned that she would not even show up for the wedding. She’s done and said some other things, too, but I’m so drained, I can’t even relive it because it makes me hurt.
I’m just trying to decide if I should keep stressing about it or just ignore her. Unfortunately, there is no easy or good way to fix this.
Post # 18
Thanks everyone for the advice. I did finally make a decision after my Maid/Matron of Honor told me that her problems are so bad that it makes it impossible for her to be happy for me. Kind of a rough blow to take by someone that is supposed to be your best friend, but I accepted it. I told her that I wanted her to be my Maid/Matron of Honor, that is why I asked her, but if she felt more comfortable being a bridesmaid, or just a guest, then I was ok with that, but I did want her to be a part of my day. She told me it was probably best that she didn’t come at all. Fine. If you don’t want to be a part of the biggest and happiest day of my life, then you don’t want to be a part of my life at all.
So, I have asked my mom to step in as my Maid/Matron of Honor. She was more than ecstatic. She cried she was so happy. Everything happens for a reason and I think that this is a blessing. There is no one more perfect to be my Maid/Matron of Honor than my mother and when I look back in 20 or 30 years, I will know that it was the best decision that I ever could make.
Post # 19
I’m so sorry. That is really sad that she won’t be able to make it at all. I actually uttered an “Oh no” aloud when I read your last post. Really sad. I’ve loved being at and in my friends’ weddings (despite the inevitable dramas that ensue) because it’s made me feel so close to them, being a witness and supporter of their marriage.
I would try to understand her still though. Sometimes life can be really painful and that’s an easy time to make bad decisions to distract you from the pain and then you end up hurting the people who love you. It sounds like that’s what she’s doing and I think one day she’ll regret not participating. Be the bigger person and remember there’s life outside of the wedding? I think that’s what I would do. I’m sure she loves you but isn’t herself these days.
It seems like it’s time to move on though and it’s great your mom has taken the role. I know my mother would be absolutely ecstatic if I let her have that position 🙂
It sounds like you have some great people supporting you.
I hope you enjoy your wonderful day and the “super happy fun time” leading up to it. That’s how you should feel!
Post # 20
Well, and that’s the reason my Maid/Matron of Honor is my sister. I know she’s not going to pull a stunt like this. And then my other bridesmaid is my other sister. I always feel bad when I hear stuff like this. I was once a bridesmaid in a wedding. We were six, by the wedding, three of us had been replaced. I made the cut tho’ ! To the OP, I’m sorry things turned out like this but it’s better now than later I think.
Post # 21
I think “deadbeat” is a little harsh!
I’m an out-of-town Maid/Matron of Honor for my best friend’s september wedding. We’ve been two peas in a pod for 20 years. As you stated, she never really expected me to help out with too much since I’m over 300 miles away. What meant the most to both of us was that I’d be standing next to her on one of the biggest days of her life. (She will be my out-of-town Maid/Matron of Honor for my summer 2011 wedding!)
I guess the difference between your Maid/Matron of Honor and me is that I try to make a little effort to pitch in! We email a lot, and make late night phone calls to bounce around ideas. I have a ton of stuff going on in my life, but I always wait to share that info AFTER we’ve covered all her stuff!
But all in all, I feel like a crappy Maid/Matron of Honor. I don’t know her friends and the other bridesmaids, so I have no part in planning the bridal shower or bachelorette party. I can’t go with her to taste cakes, or try on dresses. But all in all, my best friend only needs me on the day-of, to take my rightful place next to her!
I agree with many of the other posts on here – talk to her, be upfront and honest, and see where it goes from there. Sometimes people get so caught up in their own stuff that they don’t realize what they’re doing (or not doing in your case!). If you guys have been good friends for this long, you should have pretty open lines of communication. Let her know that these next few months are going to fly by and only happen once (well, depending on your situation!) and it’s her call if she wants to participate. Good luck!