(Closed) My MOH is a deadbeat…what do I do?

posted 11 years ago in Bridesmaids
Post # 19
31 posts
  • Wedding: July 2010

I’m so sorry. That is really sad that she won’t be able to make it at all. I actually uttered an “Oh no” aloud when I read your last post. Really sad. I’ve loved being at and in my friends’ weddings (despite the inevitable dramas that ensue) because it’s made me feel so close to them, being a witness and supporter of their marriage.

I would try to understand her still though. Sometimes life can be really painful and that’s an easy time to make bad decisions to distract you from the pain and then you end up hurting the people who love you. It sounds like that’s what she’s doing and I think one day she’ll regret not participating. Be the bigger person and remember there’s life outside of the wedding? I think that’s what I would do. I’m sure she loves you but isn’t herself these days.

It seems like it’s time to move on though and it’s great your mom has taken the role. I know my mother would be absolutely ecstatic if I let her have that position 🙂

It sounds like you have some great people supporting you. 

I hope you enjoy your wonderful day and the “super happy fun time” leading up to it. That’s how you should feel!

Post # 20
2738 posts
Sugar bee

Well, and that’s the reason my Maid/Matron of Honor is my sister. I know she’s not going to pull a stunt like this. And then my other bridesmaid is my other sister. I always feel bad when I hear stuff like this. I was once a bridesmaid in a wedding. We were six, by the wedding, three of us had been replaced. I made the cut tho’ ! To the OP, I’m sorry things turned out like this but it’s better now than later I think.

Post # 21
326 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2011

I think “deadbeat” is a little harsh!

I’m an out-of-town Maid/Matron of Honor for my best friend’s september wedding. We’ve been two peas in a pod for 20 years. As you stated, she never really expected me to help out with too much since I’m over 300 miles away. What meant the most to both of us was that I’d be standing next to her on one of the biggest days of her life. (She will be my out-of-town Maid/Matron of Honor for my summer 2011 wedding!)

I guess the difference between your Maid/Matron of Honor and me is that I try to make a little effort to pitch in! We email a lot, and make late night phone calls to bounce around ideas. I have a ton of stuff going on in my life, but I always wait to share that info AFTER we’ve covered all her stuff!

But all in all, I feel like a crappy Maid/Matron of Honor. I don’t know her friends and the other bridesmaids, so I have no part in planning the bridal shower or bachelorette party. I can’t go with her to taste cakes, or try on dresses. But all in all, my best friend only needs me on the day-of, to take my rightful place next to her!

 I agree with many of the other posts on here – talk to her, be upfront and honest, and see where it goes from there. Sometimes people get so caught up in their own stuff that they don’t realize what they’re doing (or not doing in your case!). If you guys have been good friends for this long, you should have pretty open lines of communication. Let her know that these next few months are going to fly by and only happen once (well, depending on your situation!) and it’s her call if she wants to participate. Good luck!

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