- 6 years ago
Hey ladies! So, I literally have near to no one to vent to, ever, especially about a wedding. And usually I just think things out in my head, but now i feel like I need advice.
I’ve posted a couple times before about my Maid/Matron of Honor which would be really helpful for you to read before reading this one, but anyways, I’m back again and I just feel terrible. I feel like our friendship is falling apart – we’ve been friends for almost 8 years.
The first 4months of my engagement i was an Maid/Matron of Honor to an October wedding, (the bride to that wedding is my current MOH). So for those 4 months i made sure to not get all wedding-talk happy because i truly wanted my best friend/my Maid/Matron of Honor to fully enjoy her own wedding right around the corner. I did, however, start the ground work of my own wedding planning, (venues, colors, other vendors, centerpieces, etc.) Her wedding came and went, and then her honeymoon. After 6months, i finally took the leap to talk with my Maid/Matron of Honor about my wedding and details/what i came up with in the last 6months. She didnt seem to care at all. Which was a little odd. It felt like something was upsetting her. So for another 3 months I sorta laid off and kept going at my own pace getting things done by myself, (which is 100% fine with me!! I’m really independent and don’t need help with DIY stuff. i really don’t mind cruising along the planning process with just me and my hubby). So i talked to her at month 9 to see if she was okay and turns out that from the beginning she was jealous of my planning and liked it more than her own wedding which was only 2 months before introducing her to mine and she was totally weird about it. And that’s why she’s been so disconnected. This totally caught me off guard. We talked it out and I told how amazing and beautiful her wedding was blah blah blah and everything was fine.
Then, she saw how much i got done in the last 9 months… she was totally upset. Made me feel really guilty. i wasn’t trying to do things without her to be mean, but that’s how the cookie crumbled while she was emotionally unavailable. So i apologized and promised there was plenty more for her to help with, (so I came up with extra projects and stuff to make sure she felt really involved).
Since then I have really bent over backwards to involve her but she either doesn’t show up when we make plans or never replies to me. She only ever messages me to tell me about her life or when she wants to do her own thing. It’s been really bothering me. Like i said, i don’t need help, i haven’t asked anyone for help. I’m totally cool with running to the finish line with my fiance and calling it a day! My girls standing up there by myside on the big day is my only concern! I’m just so confused on what my Maid/Matron of Honor wants from me!! She’s upset that she’s not included, so when i halt my crafts to include her, she either ignores me, acts uninterested or is a flat out no-show. I don’t know what to do. Ive already talked to her twice, and i feel like a moron talking again. And i also don’t want to just flat out uninclude her and move along because i dont want to hurt her.
Well here’s the other part – Ever since before I was engaged EVERYONE knows that a bachelorette party just isn’t my thing. I didn’t want one from the very beginning. I have my Maid/Matron of Honor, and 3 bridesmaids – no one knows each other. Plus, its just not my thing – girls night with or without drinking. I hate being the center of attention and anyone that knows me, knows I like to hang back.
Well, when she saw how much I got done she was totally pissed that I reminded her not to throw a party. She begged me and told me I havent let her do anything and that this was the least I could do. She wanted to go to bars and drink and party with me and the girls and she made me feel sooo guilty. I finally caved and said fine, whatever. Well, she been trying to get pregnant for the last couple of months and really wants it to be before my wedding. Which, trust me, I totally get that I shouldn’t expect people to put their lives on hold for my wedding, and I don’t expect anyone to!! If she wants a baby, go for! BUT now what about the bachelorette? She made me feel so crappy about not letting her throw a party and now she will be pregnant. She went on about her drinking and having fun and the only reason I said yes was so that she could do that.I KNOW you can have fun without drinking and I totally get that but I just really don’t want one! Never did, and never will! Even if it’s a spa day or something, its just really not my thing at all! Would it be rude to ask her to not throw one? I mean, after all, even before being engaged she knew I didn’t want one. It’s been 8 years. She knows me. She knows I don’t like doing stuff that involves me being the center of attention. My wedding day is already filling me with anxiety beyond belief! Please give me advice. I love her, its just been a weird 12 months, I feel like she is pushing away and whines to be involved and when I do involve her she absent and now this. I don’t know. Shes soooo different now. I cant even explain it.