(Closed) My MOH is cheating on her husband

posted 8 years ago in Emotional
Post # 33
Member
5995 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

@Anonymous_Bee20:  You need to talk to her. I have a feeling this could end badly. If her husband finds out (and eventually he will), this could turn worse, both for her situation and possibly long term custody of her daughter.

I also think it is wrong for her to “use” her husband as support while she gets her degree, if she knows she’s going to leave him anyway.

And why does this new guy want to date a married woman? My intuition tells me that the new guy either (a) already has a partner and is cheating with your friend, or (b) only wants no strings sex.

I know you know this, but you really need to convince her to move out.

Post # 35
Member
1125 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2015

@Anonymous_Bee20:  She has NO right to be putting you in this position.  You need to let her know that she needs to tell her husband, or you will.  Even if he’s a jerk, she is a jerk for using someone for their money, and there is no reason you should be dragged into this. 


ETA, saw your further updates. Her husband sounds like a piece of work, for sure, but that still does not excuse what she is doing. She should be leaving him anyhow (he sounds emotionally, who knows, maybe even physically abusive), and this affair sounds like a crutch to make her feel less like she needs to leave. 

Either way, it is good you will not be letting her use you as her crutch anymore. 

Post # 36
Member
1874 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: April 2013

@Anonymous_Bee20:  Sounds like you need to tell her either she do something about this or you will. Bluff to get out of this situation!

Post # 37
Member
779 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

@Anonymous_Bee20:  yikes, this is just one ugly that’s being dug by MULTIPLE parties. Obviously this affair is nothing more than that… he’s committed as well. 

I would not stand to be her cover in this situation. MAYBE I would help her out if I knew she really loved and wanted to be with this new guy and needed help leaving her husband. But this is clearly not the case…  

Post # 38
Member
4560 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: October 2010

@Anonymous_Bee20:  Give her some info on DV and local resources that can help her get out of her marriage. Ask her if she wants to see her daughter end up with someone just like her Dad…

Post # 39
Member
849 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: November 2012

Off with her head!

In all seriousness, her marriage and what she does with it is none of your business. Unless she comes to you seeking help or advice, you should keep your nose out of it. You have nothing to feel guilty about, she’s the one cheating.

Post # 41
Member
5879 posts
Bee Keeper

Nip her using you as an excuse, let her know moving forward you will not cover for whether she tells you in advance or not.Im all for staying out of folks business but she’s totally putting you in the mix. Not cool.

Post # 42
Member
57 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: May 2015

How did she end up with her husband in the first place? Have they ever been happy together? In that case. maybe they can fix things. Maybe he’s being controlling because he can see that she is not taking their marriage seriously, and he doesn’t know how to solve the problem. 

If they’ve never been happy and were forced to marry for some reason, then maybe the only solution is to split up. I think you should tell her that getting a divorce will probably be a lot less messy than if her husbans finds out she’s been cheating, especially with his controlling behaviour. It’ll put her in a much worse situation than if she ends it on a better note. 

 

Good luck!

Post # 44
Member
2453 posts
Buzzing bee

@Anonymous_Bee20:  her husband really sounds dangerous and his abuse of her is probably leading to her low self esteem, her using you as a cover, and her lack of movement out of this relationship. she is NOT in a good situation and is also not acting clearly either. You can tell her to stop using you as her cover. When she complains to you tell her what she can be doing but if she is only venting, you can do only do so much. Distance yourself from her at this point, this is not a healthy friend. Don’t get wrapped up into her life. 

Post # 45
Member
1057 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: April 2015

@Anonymous_Bee20:  I’m sorry, but regardless of her situation, I think she is a terrible friend for putting you in that situation. I agree with pp, tell her you love her, but do not agree with her decisions or her actions and you can’t support them.

Post # 46
Member
5995 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

@Anonymous_Bee20:  And what’s going to happen when he finds out? It could get so much worse, really quite dangerous. She has to get out.

There are all sorts of horrible ways he can find out, e.g. new guy’s girlfriend finds out and calls him. She really needs to leave on her own terms – not when he suddenly finds out.

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