Post # 47
While she should be able to vent to you about her husband, seeing as they don’t have a very good marriage, tell her that you don’t condone her affair and that you don’t want to hear about it. Also tell her that while you won’t throw her under the bus, you also won’t lie for her.
OP, as her friend, you should really be pushing for her to just leave the jerk. I don’t agree with how she’s handling it now because two wrongs don’t make a right, but it seems like she was simply settling for her unfulfilling marriage until something better came along.
Post # 48
@CorvusCorax: I do try and tell her to leave him now instead of waiting for her to finish her teaching degree…she just doesn’t listen. She said she won’t be able to support herself or her child financially, so she is scared he will get custody.
Post # 49
@Anonymous_Bee20: If she’s so scared he’ll get custody if she divorces him now, if she’s caught cheating, his chances of getting custody probably go way up. I really have no sympathy for the husband, but I do have sympathy for the child who might have her whole life screwed up because Mom couldn’t keep it in her pants for a little while longer.
I wouldn’t kick her out of the bridal party though. It sounds like her husband has been trying to isolate her and if she loses friends, she may resort to even more destructive behavior. And as far as “sancity of marriage,” IMO her husband has already violated that because it sounds like he either lied to her or at least seriously misled her about his (unreasonable!) expectations of his wife before marriage.
Post # 50
It’s one thing not to want to be used as her alibi but it’s even worse for Jane to call you right in front of her H. If he is really as controlling and abusive as he sounds, then she puts you at risk the moment he realizes that you were actively in on deceiving him. At that point it’s not just Jane using your name against your will, you would be seen as fully in on it.
Post # 51
@weddingmaven: I know, I was talking to my Grandmother about this (the only person IRL I told besides my FI). She said when she was younger, she was covering up for her best friend’s affair. & guess what, the husband found out and was mad at HER for helping her friend cover it up.
Jane’s husband is a real asshole, so god only knows the things he would do if he found out she was cheating and I was her coverup.
Post # 52
@paula1248: +1 I thought the EXACT same thing about the gf finding out! ugh, she needs a reality check.