Post # 1
I need some help. I asked my sister and one of my oldest, closest friends to be joint Maid/Matron of Honor. I love my sister, but she is flaky and undependable – case in point, she bailed last minute on my bachelorette party. In contrast, my friend, the co-MOH is incredibly reliable and VERY efficieint. She’s wonderful. She volunteered to plan my weekend bachelorette party, and I agreed. I helped with the guest list, dates and then finding houses to stay in. She wanted to take care of the rest. Its gone down-hill from there. She lives on the east coast, and all of my friends who are coming are on the west coast (also where I live). She has met many of them through various visits, but is not good friends with them. I have spent the past 3-4 months fielding emails from her about how people don’t reply to her emails, how stressful it is planning this party (for me), how awful people are. “Someday we’re going to go out and drink margeritas and laugh about how awful your friends are”. I asked a good friend on the west coast to help her out (also a part of the bridal party), thinking that a level head on this coast who knows many of the girls might be a good idea. And that proved even more disastorous (they now hate each other and my west coast friend is threatening not to come because Maid/Matron of Honor was so mean).
This single party is more stress than my entire wedding. I have never dreaded a weekend more (and its my own bach. party!). I’ve planned large events before (weekend parties, party buses, school-wide events), so I know things can hectic, but you manage the situation. This has become insane. Every email I get I reply with comments such as “I’m sure this will be a great party. Thank you so much for all of your hard work. Please don’t stress out. Let me help”, etc but she rebuffs everything and takes her hysteria to a new level. I’m at a point where I don’t even want to go. I need help turning this party around! How should I deal with her and this situation?
Post # 3
I’m so sorry. She should NOT be putting you in the middle. That is super inappropriate.
I suggest at this point, the next time she emails you say something like “I’m so happy you’re doing this for me but I feel uncomfortable knowing the financial details and who is contributing what. I think it is better for our relationship and that between me and the other participants that you just leave me out of the loop.”
If that doesn’t work, maybe have your Fiance screen the emails and give you the need to know details.
Post # 4
This seems like it’s the flaky friends fault and not the maid of honors. There are times when people just don’t respond, what would you suggest she do. Your the one who asked these girls and she is far away. Maybe you could send an email to the girls saying if they don’t or can’t go please just let your moh know by this date. If no response by that date their out. I don’t think it’s her fault, seems like her hands are tied and she needs you to decide what she should do.
Post # 5
@bricon: I see your point. But these girls aren’t bad or mean people – just busy like the rest of us. Its not ideal for not everyone to miss a deadline, but there’s alwasy one or two stragglers – it all works out in the end! No one is going to try to skip out on paying! I offered to harrass those who didn’t pay her, she said no- in the end, everyone paid (of course). I also know she’s concerned about money and I’ve offered to help with deposits and such, but she refuses. ANd then she mentioned that she was “somehow out a lot of money for this party”, but she prepared the budget and asked everyone to pay her accordingly … I am just frustrated because I’ve offered solutions to the problems she’s proposed (afer listening to her vent about many of them), but she doesn’t take them, and then gets MORE frustrated later. I don’t want her stress to ruin the experience, and feel terribly that she feels this way, but nothing I seem to do is helping the situation- its like she WANTS to be stressed out and WANTS to make me feel guilty… which I do! Horribly! HELP!
Post # 6
I think everyone is a bit to blame here but I hate that some of the fun is being taken away!!
Try and gently tell her you don’t want to know its stressful for her and then bow out of the conversations regarding the party.