Post # 17
Congrats to her!
I would just call her and see where she stands. 25 days to the due date, I would NOT fly! and anyone who has been pregnant knows that 25 days before your due date and you are EXTREMELY uncomfortable, so the option of driving would probably sound like sticking a fork in your eye at that point.
I dont think you are being bridezilla’ish.. they are completely valid concerns. You expect certain things from your maid of honor, and you understand its wrong of you to expect these things when she is preparing for a baby.. so I think you are right in that sense.
I would call her and see how she feels about being a regular bridesmaid due to concerns over her health and time. Give her the option of ordering a maternity dress and be sure she understands she might be out the money for this dress if when the date comes she can’t handle the travel. I would leave the decision up to her, but also give her an out.
Post # 18
@Janna- I don’t think people need to plan their family around a wedding. However, you shouldn’t promise to be in a wedding if you know there is a chance you won’t be able to because you’re trying to conceive.
I made a promise to my friend. If I had felt that waiting 4 weeks to try wasn’t a possibility, I wouldn’t have offered to help until I knew I wouldn’t be too pregnant to travel.
If you’re being asked to be Maid/Matron of Honor by your best friend, I think you can tip your hat and let her know there’s a possibility you won’t be able to fulfill the commitment because you are trying to start a family.
Post # 19
Your friend is so committed that she’s willing to drive out to your wedding. That speaks volumes to me about her dedication as a friend!
Unfortunately, now that you’ve talked to other friends about it, I feel like the horse is at least partially out of the barn, and now your poor friend who is willing to drive out for you knows that you are less than pleased.
I don’t understand the demotion bit, because if she’s going to be there, she’s going to be there. It seems to me she gets the demotion solely for being pregnant.
If she is a a good enough friend to be your Maid/Matron of Honor, then what I would do is ask her what she’s comfortable doing for your wedding. If she thinks she can do the Maid/Matron of Honor stuff, then that would be enough for me. It’s not like she’s due at your wedding… she essentially has a whole month left at that point.
Post # 20
my first son was born a month early.. so the 25 days thing is a gamble!
He didn’t have any problems either, in fact he was 9lbs 2oz! I also knew the exact conception date, so our due date was correct.
Post # 21
Please don’t let people make you feel that you are being selfish or a bridezilla. I can understand how you might be concerned/feel let down – that’s normal. You have probably been waiting for this wedding a while and with all of the planning and stuff it probably feels like she is putting a damper on your big day. I would just be honest with her – the last month of pregnancy can be rough and you want to make sure that she is ok (you said this is her first child? she may have no idea how rough and unpredictable that last month may be). I’d do as others have suggested and have a co-MOH to help with duties and to step up as the only Maid/Matron of Honor in case she can’t be there. I’d also let her know that you understand that if she at any point decides that she simply cannot be your Maid/Matron of Honor because of the pregnancy, that you understand and support her and her family. 🙂 As long as you are empathetic and compassionate, you can still make arrangements in preparation for multiple scenarios, so that your big day is still wonderful. 🙂 As always, prepare for the worst and hope for the best – it’ll never let you down 🙂
Post # 22
I agree with the posters here who said let it be. If she cant come she cant come, but DONT ask her to step down. I dont care if she said she’d understand, your relationship would suffer. Just let her know that while you obviously want her to be there being your best friend, she can make any accommodations she needs to and if it comes to it last minute and she cant make it, you understand. Dont put any stress or pressure on her. My best friend was pregnant at my wedding. She was due a bit over a month after mine. We found a complimentary Bridesmaid or Best Man dress and she looked lovely. All of the guests thought she was the cutest thing and LOVED that she was that pregnant and standing with her best friend since kindergarten. It was tough, and she only had to drive a bit over an hour to get to me, but she’d have not missed it for the WORLD even if she had to drive across the country.
Let it play its course, keep including her, and let her make her own choice. dont tel her its up to her eithe,r she will likely feel obligated to step down