(Closed) My MOH is terrible to me.

posted 7 years ago in Etiquette
  • poll: Am I at liberty to change my MOH considering the circumstances here?
    Yes : (91 votes)
    83 %
    No : (18 votes)
    17 %
  • Post # 32
    Member
    1009 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: November 1999

    If my sister had behaved that way towards me, I would simply not bother asking her to be in my wedding. Etiquette and hurt feelings are simply not enough of a good reason to have to withstand verbal and emotional abuse from someone that is supposed to at the very LEAST, be supportive of you. She could be jealous of your happiness, she could dislike your Fiance, maybe she has some other reason for her behavior, but you don’t have to make her problem yours. By all means, tell her that due to her seeming lack of interest in your upcoming nuptials and the fact that she seems to not want the responsibility, you’re going to have someone else take up those duties. If she doesn’t like it, too bad. Honestly, what’s she going to do? Not speak to you? After all that verbal drama, surely her silence will be a welcome change! 🙂

    Post # 33
    Member
    153 posts
    Blushing bee
    • Wedding: December 2012

    @Sweet_Tea:  Well said, agree totally!

    Post # 34
    Member
    1578 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: June 2013 - Country Club

    Sweets, you can have whoever you want be in your wedding. Ask her if she would mind stepping down to a bridesmaid position. I know a lot of people on here say that you are to never ever replace a Bridesmaid or Best Man or Maid/Matron of Honor, but honestly if they don’t even want to be in your wedding in the first place why should the bride suffer?

    Post # 35
    Member
    6247 posts
    Bee Keeper
    • Wedding: August 2013 - The Liberty House

    Absolutely, remove her as Maid/Matron of Honor. If I were you I wouldn’t have had her in the bridal party at all, so she should be happy to still be a bridesmaid after that behavior

    Post # 36
    Member
    24 posts
    Newbee

    Sisters know what buttons to push. But, m’dear, that works BOTH ways.

    Give her a list of what you want/need done & YOUR specifications for those things. Have dates and names of who you’ve delegated each task to.

    Put her “in charge” of making sure everything gets completed on time. Tell her that you know it’s a lot, and because it’s so much & you are too far away, you’re going to  appoint a co-MOH for the Home Town (your sister) & a co-MOH for where you are living.

    My other suggestion is invite a counselor to come to a “spa” day for your bridal party. 13 years is a long time to be fighting with a twin. You need to work this out or agree to some ground rules when you deal with each other.  Perhaps this could be a gift from your parents.

    Post # 40
    Member
    1009 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: November 1999

    @Zellywelly:  After reading that last post, I’d be tempted to keep her on the ‘Do Not Allow” list for the wedding. You don’t need that kind of garbage to deal with during your wedding/reception! Extreme, yes, but you deserve to enjoy every moment of your wedding day without a drama queen trying repeatedly to steal the thunder and make an ass of herself. 😉

    Post # 41
    Member
    286 posts
    Helper bee

    @Zellywelly:  This is your wedding not just some party where you can just suck it up and get it over with and move on.

    This should be the happiest day of your life. Why should you suffer through a miserable engagement because of her? GET RID OF HER. I’m sure you love her even though you don’t get along but I wouldn’t let anyone stay in my bridal party if they were unsupportive and rude.

    This isn’t about your family. This day is about you and your hubby to be. It’s the one day you should have things exactly the way you want them. Go be happy. I’m sure you’d look back with  regret if you kept your sister as your Maid/Matron of Honor. You said in your heart and gut you knew it was wrong but did it to please your family. What about pleasing yourself? People change bridal party members all the time. Some people get pregnant, move, have a falling out. It’s not the end of the world to change it and your wedding is a ways away so no big deal. She can still be a bridesmaid (if that’s what you want) and can still come to the wedding. 

    Stop worrying about what anyone else thinks. This isn’t their wedding day. It’s yours. Everyone else had/will have a wedding where they can do things the way they want. Don’t look back with regret and wish you had the guts to do what YOU wanted. Your sister doesn’t seem to be enjoying this anyway and your cousin will be thrilled. It’s not the end of the world to change it. I say go for it. Smile

    Post # 43
    Member
    1639 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: November 2013

    @Zellywelly:  Based on how she treats you, does it really matter if she doesn’t come? I know family is a thing – my own mother gave me crap initially when I refused to invite my extended family because she thought they’d be offended. And then I asked her to pay for all the additional food (FI’s family is paying for this cuz my mother can’t) and she shut up, lol.

    I feel like based on what you’ve said, she would probably make your special day awful, and nobody deserves that. Nobody. It might be better for you to just cut your losses. If your family questions, tell them the truth. Your parents are BOTH of your parents, I hope that they would be supportive regardless. Good luck to you.

    Post # 44
    Member
    1093 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: August 2013

    First of all, I’m so sorry you’re feeling all this stress and worry! Wedding planning should be exciting!

    Also, as a twin, I’m a little heartbroken to hear you say she’s hated you for 13 years. Hate is a very strong word.

    I mean, my twin and I have had some ragers here and there, but at the end of the day we know we love eachother and that we will always have eachother. 

    From how volatile and violent some of her outburts have been, she’s either really hurt and insecure about something, or she might be suffering from depression or mental illness.  That, or we’re missing some details here.  I’m a firm believer that unless someone is bi-polar, it takes two to tango and maybe she feels slighted by you in some way. 

    I think you need to go out for dinner, just the two of you and have a real open conversation about not just the wedding, but your relationship. 

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