Post # 91
I think you misunderstood, I guess i wasn’t clear. What I meant is that they shouldn’t get so upset to be asked, not that it should be a requirement. Frankly if my sister had said (respectfully) that I might regret a certain look I had while I was planning to be a bride, I would respect her opinion and give it some thought. I might not go along with it, but I’d at least think about it, and I wouldn’t be mad at her for bringing it up. If you’re wondering, I still would have let her be Maid/Matron of Honor with purple hair, I’d just be disappointed that it was the first thing my eye was drawn to in every photo. I never once said someone should change her physical body and don’t care for the implication.
On a side note, I’m kind of wondering now if this is in part because I really, really enjoy amateur photography and the aesthetic of photos means a lot to me. Granted I do landscapes myself but it may still be part of why this was so important to me at the time. Like finding a powerline in a photo that I didn’t even notice in reality.
Post # 92
Just because something is easy to change does not make it right to ask someone to change their appearance. It is easy to take nose rings out and let them close over but would it ever be right for a bride to ask a bridesmaid to do that?
I have said this in this thread already. Appearance is about much more than looks. It is about identity and self expression and self worth. If you can’t understand why it is inappropriate to ask someone to change their appearance and their identity for your one day party then I just don’t know what to say.
Post # 93
I do not feel that I asked anyone to change their personality for me by respectfully asking someone to dye their hair a natural color. The personality shines right on through anyway. In our situation, my sister’s self-worth and self-expression were not dependent on the color of her hair. Nor was mine impacted by growing it long for a very close friend. My opinion is out there for anyone interested and we will have to agree to disagree. I will bow out now because all I can do is repeat my own story and that’s sort of pointless. I knew it was an unpopular perspective from the start, but it’s only fair to have both sides out there for the OP to read.
Post # 94
Bridesmaids are not props for wedding photos, they are people. While a bride can request a certain outfit/shoes/jewelry be worn (unless one of those makes the wearer uncomfortable, ie strapless dress for a large bust or high heels if they have back problems) that’s where your input on their appearance ends.
You can’t specify that a bridesmaid have a certain colour or length of hair, be a certain weight, remove piercings, cover tattoos, or refrain from getting pregnant.
Post # 95
I actually think those inspiration pics (some) look pretty. Looks better than a lot of other blonde dyed catastrophes I see IF it came out nicely. I wouldn’t ask someone to dye their hair but that’s just me. I say suck it up.
Post # 96
Run with it. I think it’s cute. You can’t expect people to plan their life around your wedding.
Post # 97
I went to a wedding last year in which the groom dyed his hair that shade of teal. It was so ‘them’ and they rocked it. That being said, those inspiration pics are lovely but the color fades and it is annoying to keep up. I get annoyed touching up my roots to stay a few shades lighter blonde. If she changes her color a lot anyways it’s highly likely that it’ll be different at that point. I wouldn’t worry about it. Three months is a long time in hair color.
Post # 98
OP, take a deep breath and try to remain calm, and just see what happens. I’d honestly be way more concerned about how faded/grown out it would be in 3 months if she doesn’t keep up with it versus how it looks freshly dyed. I have had a variety of vivid hair colors and streaks for a few years now and the upkeep is pretty nuts, and can get quite expensive even if you’re doing it yourself. If she’s used to brown, blonde, and red, she may quickly realize that the upkeep is not worth it for vivid colors. In 3 months this may be a non-issue entirely.
Post # 99
i am going to go with the people who say it’s okay to ask her nicely if she would mind changing it back for the wedding. and offering to help with the expense of doing so.
i am ALSO going to point out, that she did not have crazy wild hair when you asked her to be your Maid/Matron of Honor… when you asked her to be a Bridesmaid or Best Man and chose dresses and started putting your wedding together and picturing things, you were doing so under the expectation that she would probably look similar to the way she did then. while it is most certainly your MOH’s choice on what she wants to do with her body, there was also an unspoken expectation… this is not something out of her control like a pregnancy. she completely disregarded committments she made before she decided to dye her hair.
hopefully, your Maid/Matron of Honor will be receptive and want to be a good friend and not stress you out for your wedding.
Post # 100
No one cares what the bms look like any way. Yeah, different colored hair stands out, but it isn’t like it’s going to over shadow the bride. Honestly, hair is not that interesting. If a bridesmaid had really beautiful, long natural hair of an unusual color, would you ask her to cut it or dye it so people won’t notice it?
I think the internet makes it seem like the aesthetic elements of a wedding are more important than they are. Do people go to a wedding for these kinds of details? No. They go to celebrate a life event, and couldn’t care less about table cloth or hair color.
ETA: I think have a bridal party whose personalities are evident makes the wedding that much more personal and memorable. I’d much rather attend a wedding where things are authentic as opposed tp one that looks like a wedding blog staged photo.
Post # 101
I liked jily’s suggestion to ask her to wear it up. Then Mishinthecity mentioned she had plum and I wonder if maybe she will be doing a dark purple which wouldn’t be so in your face or if you could ask her to darken it a bit?
I’m a hair stylist so the colors wouldn’t bother me at all, guess I’m used to it, but I do understand how you feel.
Post # 102
- Wedding: October 2015 - Fairmont Banff Springs Hotel
Haha this is quite the thread! I have to say, I started reading thinking purple and teal would look absolutely terrible. Then I googled purple and teal hair and now I kind of want to dye my hair like that. Fun!
But I agree with others on here, while I don’t think it was a good choice on her part to make such a drastic change to her appearance, I highly doubt she was even thinking about you or your wedding because she was just living her life. You can’t follow that up now with a bad choice on your part to ask her to change herself for your wedding. Plus, I’ll echo everyone else here: it will totally fade and she’ll be onto a new hair colour by your wedding anyways!
Post # 103
she’ll probably get sick of it within 3 months and rather than touch it up she will change it to something more natural right before the wedding. If not, then she’s your friend no matter what color her hair is. I would just deal with it and be supportive.
Post # 104
I got my hair dyed purple in February and have been maintaining it since then. It is now an ombre of black -> purple -> pink and I LOVE it.
However, I will be dying it back to my natural hair colour when I have to be a Bridesmaid or Best Man in my friend’s wedding in September. I will be sad to see it go, but I myself made a point to tell her that I would be dying it back. She never asked, and frankly, she probably wouldn’t have said anything, but I personally think it’s the right thing to do. I know the bride will stand out no matter what, but I just felt like I didn’t want to detract even a little bit of attention from her in pictures.
That being said, I think you’ll really have to leave it up to your friend and not ask her to dye it a more natural colour. Three months out to the wedding and she’s spending a LOT of money on her hair to make it purple & teal, I seriously doubt she will change it back of her own will. Dark purple almost looks “natural” imo, and if her hair is in an updo, the colour, especially the teal, won’t be as obvious.
Post # 105
Which color in that inspiration pallete did she end up coloring her hair? Some of the dark purple colors were really beautiful.