My MOH Pretty Much Stabbed Me in the Back

posted 2 years ago in Bridesmaids
Post # 16
Member
6315 posts
Bee Keeper

Meg1991 :  I cared deeply for this person as my friend and was blindsided by this (shouldn’t have been given her history but here we are).

This sucks, Bee, but seems consistent with her typical behavior. Get out there and meet some new people. This woman is not as close to you as you are to her. You don’t have to end the friendship, but realize you are not her BFF and she’s not there for you as your BFF. 

Post # 17
Member
1749 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2017

Meg1991 :  No lie, I would be absolutely livid. That’s not a friend. I wouldn’t reply to her lame texted excuse and I would promptly “de-friend” her. You obviously care about her waaaaay more than she cares about you. That’s not friendship. Sorry bee. 

Post # 18
Member
4868 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

So you care so much about your friend that you want her at your wedding as your Maid/Matron of Honor, she can’t, for reasons you haven’t investigated… so the answer is to end the friendship entirely. 🤨 what?

Post # 19
Member
7421 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2014

For all you know, she and her fi agonized over their choice of date. Maybe it was the only date available for the venue they wanted and could afford. Maybe dear aunt Gertrude has gotten a bad diagnosis and they want to marry while she’s still around. Maybe it’s a significant date to them, or one needs access to the other’s health insurance, or any one of 1000 reasons that are not “just to spite you.”   Stamping your feet, ranting and ending the friendship is no  way to deal with what’s essentially a scheduling conflict . You’re absolutely entitled to feel sad and disappointed but you need to learn a healthier, more mature way to deal with this kind of let-down, because it’s not the last one you’re ever going to have. 

Post # 20
Member
218 posts
Helper bee

I disagree with those who say you’re overeacting. Unless I’m misunderstanding, she planned her wedding a week before yours knowing she wouldn’t have the time to be your moh. Or attend your wedding given she had planned her honeymoon during it. And this is your best friend? All of this wouldn’t be a problem if she had at least said something to you and expressed some kind of regret that she wouldn’t be able to be involved. So you could have promptly reassigned her position. If I was this friend I would have wanted you to be aware asap as to not inconvenience you, but this friend had little to no respect for you and does not care about you. Drop her, she’s not worth your time.

Post # 21
Member
453 posts
Helper bee

I don’t think you’re overeacting either. This girl is just being bitchy because you got engaged before her. She damn well knew your date but still planned it a weekend before yours… come on people. If she was a good friend she would have planned her wedding after yours, but she didn’t. Just pretend like she doesn’t exist any more and never talk to her again. That’s what I would have done in your situation.

Post # 22
Member
1170 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2019

Isn’t this basically just the plot to Bridewars?

Post # 23
Member
104 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: September 2020

Sounds to me like she was jealous you got engaged first when she had been with her partner longer and rushed to book her wedding before yours. 

Post # 24
Member
128 posts
Blushing bee

I think you have every right to feel annoyed, sad and disappointed. 

But this isn’t friendship ending. It might alter the dynamics of your friendship, but I don’t see this as can’t get over. Though if you refuse to go to her wedding out of spite then you might as well say bye now. 

They may not have had much choice over the date, just like you. 

She is going on her honeymoon afterwards though. Which is perfectly normal! She shouldn’t have to cut it short or go another time. You don’t know what her work or her fiancé’s work are like, they may have be accomadating to allow them time off for both at the same time but not seperate. At my work we can only have two weeks off at a time. The only exception is if you are getting married and going on honeymoon. Then you are allowed three weeks off together.

They also may not have been able to get a good deal going another week. 

Maybe her future hubby wanted to go right after the wedding. 

Maybe they have to wait a day or so after the wedding to travel (due to costs, availability etc) and she has 5-6 days of honeymoon but sadly means she doesn’t arrive back until the day after your wedding. 

Maybe she’s having two weeks. 

There are numerous reasons.

Yes she should have told you asap but at the same time maybe she did. When she responded when you asked she may have known there was a scheduling conflict but was hoping it could be resolved. 

 

Post # 25
Member
8770 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper

Meg1991 :  Either she just never valued the friendship as much as you did, or there’s missing information. I’m wondering the same as  Brielle :  Did you ask her to be your MOH? You mention “seriously talked about” and “dreams became grounded” etc but it’s not clear if you said to her “will you be my MOH?” Also, you say you’re not upset that she’s getting married first, but it kinda sounds like you are. Is it possible you might be a little upset and were subconsiously giving her attitude? I have no way of knowing whether this is true or not, but it’s one thing that would make the situation make sense. If you did ask her, and you know in your heart you were not giving her attitude about picking a sooner date than yours, then the only thing that makes sense is that she did not view this friendship the same way you did, which must be a sad thing to realize.

Post # 26
Member
3195 posts
Sugar bee

You have every right to be upset. I wouldn’t end a friendship until every settles down though. Wedding planning is very stressful. 

Post # 27
Member
3067 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: November 2016

It sounds like you’re finally seeing what you all along knew. She’s not reliable, she doesn’t keep to plans, she is terrible at communicating…etc. 

So, no, you are justified to feel the way you do but you do need to drop the rope and accept the person she is. She’s not a great friend so either let her go as one or accept who she is and adjust your expectations. 

I’m sorry though. It is a crappy situation and I wish you the best. 

Post # 28
Member
472 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: January 2016

HappySky7 :  its because she’s on her honeymoon. she planned her wedding/honeymoon knowing and not caring that she was supposed to be Maid/Matron of Honor at that time. 

———————————

Im sorry OP, it doesn’t sound like she cares about you. I’d not reply to her text and just forget about her. No matter what she says, she wouldnt have planned it that way if she genuinely cared about you – I would never do that to my best friend. Don’t let her suck you back into a “friendship” with her when she obviously doesnt give 2 shits about you. 

Post # 29
Member
519 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2017

I’m Sorry, Bee. She does sound like she has put you in a crappy situation and hurt you because of her insensitivity and poor planning. It does sound like you are a closer friend to her, than she is to you. 

I feel like all you can do is accept and move on. I did not do a big bridal party, just my SIL and Sister. But even after I did not ask my two bf’s if they would be in my wedding, you can 100% bet they were there, helping in any way they could to make our day perfect. If she doesn’t have this gut response, she is not worth your time! 

Post # 30
Member
1457 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: March 2017

I say this-if I was close with someone, there is no way I would schedule my wedding a week before theirs. The reason has nothing to do with thunder stealing but the sheer fact that many people go on a honeymoon right after the wedding and may or may not be back by that next weekend. And if I was close to someone I would make sure I was at their wedding. It was a jerk move on her part to plan the wedding a WEEK before yours. There’s really no other weekends she could have? Please. I agree that it seems you felt you were closer than you guys actually are.

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