- 4 years ago
- Wedding: May 2014
I’m going to try to make this as concise as possible. I need help/ opinions/ advice.
Some background first: Maid of Honor (let’s call her Spice) and I have been friends since freshman year of high school. (We are now 26 and 8 years out of high school.) Her Dad passed away our Senior year of high school which brought us closer together and ultimately resulted in us feeling a lot more like sisters than just friends (my family kind of took her in). She went to a diff college than me, but we remained friends although our lives were obvi on very diff paths.
Life Since College: Spice has not had a job in her field since she graduated from college. She lives at home with her Mother and older Brother close to where FI and I bought our home two years ago. Although she has worked mostly in retail and keeps friends I don’t think are beneficial to her, she and I are very close and loyal to one another, although our lives are drastically diff. FI and I are financially stable, making moves in our careers, I am a business owner; etc. Still, I have always thought that those superficial things are not what define a relationship. She has ALWAYS been there for me when I need assistance/ support (I am semi-estranged from my family; and she’s always had my back).
With that said, she isn’t self- supporting, quits jobs because she doesn’t like them, smokes marijuana on a daily basis (I don’t mind recerational or medicinal use but I don’t feel your life should revolve around it), and is pretty much NOT a productive member of society. My FI has initiated conversation with me on several occasions on how he doesn’t understand what we have in common, or why we are still friends.
Fast Forward to Last Tuesday: Very very long and emotional story short: She swallowed some pills in an attempt to kill herself, and then texted me saying she was going to my house, and called saying I should hurry home. (She has a key to our house because FI and I travel frequently and she takes care of our dog) I panicked, ran out of my job, and sped home to deal with the issue. On the way, I called FI, the cops, and my male best friend; and had them meet me at the house. After a lot of drama, me calling her Mom & bro over to help, and her fighting us all; the cops/ paramedics had to take her to the hospital for treatment. She cited her job situation and lack of fulfilling romantic relationship as reasons why she wanted to take her own life.
Where I Am Now: She went to the hospital, and of course they held her for 3 days. I am TRAUMATIZED from this situation, not only because I love her dearly and would not want anythign to happen to her; but I’m also ANGRY because she came TO MY HOUSE to KILL herself. Like… my mind can’t even begin to process all of the “What Ifs”. I feel like she REALLY needs to focus on herself and her life right now.
I don’t want her to have to deal with MY feelings right now, because this isn’t about ME. She needs to get the help/ therapy/ medication that she needs to be mentally stable. Still, I have to think about how this affects my wedding.
I want to tell her that I think it would be best if she focused on herself right now, and that I don’t want to be the cause of any added stress in her life. Therefore, I think it would be best if she attended the wedding as a guest instead of being part of the bridal party.
What do you guys think? Am I being harsh? What would you do?
(also, let me know if you need more info to provide an opinion)