(Closed) My MOH tried to kill herself… what do I do?

posted 8 years ago in Bridesmaids
  • poll: What would you do?

    Be a supportive friend, let her stay the MOH

    Let her be a bridesmaid, just not MOH

    Take her out of the wedding altogether

    I have no idea. This sucks.

  • Post # 78
    Member
    1740 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: August 2010

    @HisQueen2Be:  “If she continues as my Maid of Honor for the reasons others have suggested—because it will give her something to look forward to—, I then tie my wedding day with her unstable mental health. And that’s something I’m not willing to do”

    If you aren’t willing to work with your “friend” on this (and she obviously was a good friend prior to her suicide attempt, or I doubt you would have given her the huge responsibility of being your MOH), she is better off seeking support elsewhere. I’m not sure what advice you were looking for here; it sounds more like you wanted confirmation that dumping her from your wedding party is the right thing to do.

    Post # 81
    Member
    1034 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: October 2013

    Can I add a 5th poll option? 

    I vote “stop making this about your wedding and instead just be a supportive friend.”

    I think you need to separate your ideas of how to support your friend from your worries about your wedding. I understand that you may not intend this, but it comes across that your primary concern about your close friend’s suicide attempt is how it affects you.

    Again, I don’t believe that is how you really feel, but you should be aware that it is 100% how you sound. 

    Consider dropping the wedding topic until things blow over. I don’t mean to suggest that your wedding is not important or that you won’t have to make this decision later down the road. But the wedding is still nine months away. In the meantime, presumably you have a lot to be thankful for in your life in terms of love and support. Your friend can’t say the same, and the one person she thought she could trust in a dire moment is now refusing to speak with her. Your friend sounds very alone and very sick. THAT part of the story is not about your wedding at all, which is why a 5th poll option was necessary.

    Post # 82
    Member
    1034 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: October 2013

    @HisQueen2Be:  Just saw the latest update after my post about how you texted your friend. YES. This is a big step in the right direction. You have every right to feel upset and violated, but it doesn’t mean you can’t still reach out to your friend and put your wedding to the side for at least a little while. Good on you OP.

    Post # 83
    Member
    941 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: February 2014

    @HisQueen2Be:  That’s a difficult spot to be in, since it’s a delicate situation anyways and if you already had problems, now probably isn’t the time to iron them out.

    It’s not my business, and I don’t know what problems the two of you had, but please keep in mind that if it got to this point, she’s been ill for awhile most likely.  If the problems are recent and she’s changed, just consider that it’s due to this.  Again, not my business.  

    I just figure if she’s your Maid/Matron of Honor, she’s obviously really important to you.. or was…. but mental illness does horrid things to people.  Just remember that she’s not her illness. 

    Post # 84
    Member
    941 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: February 2014

    @HisQueen2Be:  You do realize suicidal people aren’t homicidal, right?  You mention something “bad happening” to you or your family.  I’m not sure what you think she’s going to do?  Maybe I missed something.

    Post # 86
    Member
    2344 posts
    Buzzing bee

    @HisQueen2Be:  I think that taking her our of the bridal party will hurt her and possibly cause more irrational behavior. I would let her stay Maid/Matron of Honor but designate another one, officially or unofficially, to actually do everything and help you 

    Post # 88
    Member
    1034 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: October 2013

    @HisQueen2Be:  Maybe it’s hard to believe, since we’re all supposed to be wedding-crazy (and sometimes we are, to be fair!), but even on a wedding website, you’re likely to find people who think that there are better things to angst about only 6 days after a close friend’s suicide attempt than how it affects shopping for dresses next month, or who will plan your bachelorette party. 

    Best of luck to you OP. I am sorry that you’re going through a difficult time, both with your poor Maid/Matron of Honor and your family issues. But I think you could benefit from a little perspective, even if it comes from such an unlikely source as a wedding website. 

    Post # 89
    Member
    2354 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: May 2014

    @HisQueen2Be:  I’m glad you reached out to her. This is a really serious situation, and it should be treated that way. The poor girl is not in a good place & the last thing she needs is a cold shoulder & to be made feel like she’s losing her one only true friend. 

    Keep us posted on how things go & good luck. 

    *Hugs*  

    Post # 90
    Member
    870 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: August 2014

    @HisQueen2Be:  I tried to kill my self when i was 17, I never thought about taking serious action since it was scary i felt as i couldbt feel my limbs anymore what had i done 

     

    my best friend slapped me across the face and then hugged me. I know teenagers doing stuff like that is very different the mind is different at that age 

     

    what i can tell you is if she is really depressed really down and really senstive i would not take being Maid/Matron of Honor away she prob values you and her being a important part of her life alot, maybe thats why she went to your house so if someoen ould save her she knew it would be you. 

     

    I would let her keep the title but have someone else fill the roles of alot of any stressful things… still have her to social things … she is like your sister it would really hurt her to not be part of the party at all (i dont think anyone would mind taking on a lil more of the work that the moh normally does and letting her keep the title) 

     

    I seriously think she needs that more then they do she needs to feel needed loved and wanted somewhere if she in that kinda dark place, she needs to be in the light to do happy things too be part of good things more then other ppl might 

     

    of course i really think its important after a lil time you ask her what she feels and wants, find out if it makes her unconfy and dont let her know ur thinking of taking her out just ask her if she feels like being part of he stuff and standing up with you sharing your day let her know you want her part of it but dont want to add stress to her life 

     

    as much as she needs to focus on her self, you being her best frind like her sister are likely one of the only good things in her mind right now maybe really too, she will just feel guilty if she thinks she has let you down 

     

    ~i say this as someone who has suffered depression, and though i have never acted again b.c. i remember how ppl reacted and how if felt that i know no matter how bad i feel things have a natural flow and will improve nothings stays bad for ever…. when someone is depressed they need a reason to get out of bed a reason to wanna be better, you might be part of that for her if she feels she screwed up so bad you dont even want her as part of the party anymore it may really hurt~

    Post # 91
    Member
    1064 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: April 2012 - Chateau Briand

    @liathis exactly. Right now she needs a friend. There is still time before the wedding and neither of you needs the stress of making that decision and dealing with the repercussions of that decision at this moment in time. Give it a few months and reconsider your position then. 

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