Post # 1
My Maid/Matron of Honor recently informed that I do not get to have a say in anything bachelorette party related because I didn’t let her have a say in my wedding. I asked her if she could just please plan something silly and fun and she said no. She said she wants us to all look sexy (which bugs the crap out of me because I don’t feel like giving creepy pervs anymore reason to grind and hit on me and my friends.) I like to go out and look nice, but I would not be caught dead in a low cut top or butt-bearing mini dress from Forever 21. I dress like a lady and I like to keep it that way. Then she said there would be some sort of penis decorations and I said NO. I seriously told her that if there is one penis item I am going to cry. I think the penis decor is disgusting! She keeps insisting and she even mentioned a stripper (I would seriously die, I think male strippers are beyond gross.) How do I make her stop? Should I have my other BMs step in and take over? I willl seriously call off the whole thing if I see one penis. (lol) Just to be clear, I am not a party pooper. I love to go out and have fun and I am always the last one up, but I prefer to be silly (mustache, super hero cape, silly glasses etc.) Being goofy is more of my thing. I just HATE getting hit on, it is the most annoying thing in the world and though it is flattering knowing that men think I am attractive, it totally repulses me at the same time because I think most guys are just complete pigs. Which is why when I found a good, respectful gentleman I decided to marry him (also my dislike towards other guys and being hit on is something that my fiance really likes about me, he appreciate the fact that I don’t like that crap. lol) My point is…I don’t want any raunchy penis accesories at my bachelorette party and I am pretty upset that my Maid/Matron of Honor who I have been friends with for 20 years does not respect my feelings enough to not bring them. What should I do? How on earth do I get a grown woman to listen to me and understand that I don’t want them there?? Help me please! Has this ever happened to any of you?
Post # 3
@futureluckymrs: I can’t help but think maybe she’s playing a mean joke? I would certainly send in your other bridesmaids to make sure this is not happening!
Post # 4
You could make it clear to her that you don’t want and won’t tolerate penis items, strippers, or anything like that, and that you’ll leave if any of that stuff is there. You could ask another bridesmaid to see what she’s planning if you don’t want to wait till you show up at the party.
This doesn’t need to be a difficult thing or dramatic. If any of that stuff is there, you just leave and go somewhere else with the guests who choose to join you. She’ll understand at that point that you weren’t joking.
Post # 5
Ya I’d solicit support of the rest of your Bridal Party…
Make it clear, that if it isn’t a “tasteful” event… you won’t be attending… or just walking out on them.
The Rules of Etiquette… still apply even tho you are the Guest of Honour.
The Host gets to set all the Details of the event… but that doesn’t mean anyone HAS TO Reply YES they’ll come… you retain the Right to Refuse to attend.
And if an event isn’t to your liking when you are there… you are within your Rights to always CHOOSE to Leave.
Lets hope your Maid/Matron of Honor is kidding with you…
Otherwise the BIG D!CK in the room is going to be her !!
Post # 6
@This Time Round: +1 to all that. The bride does not decide the night but she is allowed to veto certain things, and is not obliged to attend if those wishes aren’t respected.
I told my Maid/Matron of Honor that my own only condition was that it had be a night that one of my best friends C would attend. I knew C would veto any rubbish. Do you have a level headed bridesmaid or friend like that. who you can insist be involved in the planning?
Failing that, a more direct approach is to simply tell Maid/Matron of Honor you’ll walk out and go home if there’s a stripper or penis decor.
Post # 7
Also I want to mention that if they want to dress sexy, I guess that is fine because they are adults, but we will be going out to dance somewhere and when we do I am like the designated security guard. I seriously spend most of my time smacking random guys and pushing them off of my friends who are too nice to stick up for themselves (the other portion of the time I spend dancing like a brady bunch member and enjoying every moment of it ;)) I just don’t want to spend my night fighting creepers off of my friends (and the penis accesorizing would only make it worse) in addition to the fact that I just wish we could go out and do something that is more “me” than it is just a night out with the girls. I don’t really mind what we do, just as long as it is fun and there are no penises or strippers. lol. I mean, I will still be able to go out once I am married, I’ll just have two rings instead of one.
Post # 8
@futureluckymrs: Uah, how annoying! Yes, I think having your bridal party stand up for you and your wishes would be a good thing. I think you totally deserve to have a party you enjoy…
Post # 9
ARGHH … i know EXACTLY how you feel … however the person pushing all the exact same things isnt even a BRIDESMAID.
My Bridesmaids know me well, i like to go out and have a good time but i also like a bit a tact. My friend is insisting that she is involved in the planning and on numerous occasions have mentioned that she will be bringing penis related items and hiring the stripper… even getting the number of one at a pub the other weekend.
Each and everytime i kindly remind her that she is not a bridesmaid so she doesnt get a say and that she clearly doesnt know me too well if she thinks i would want any of that. I have told her 5+ times now that if a stripper rocks up i will kindly leave and that it would upset my bridesmaid also that are actually planning the event.
She still hasnt given up … and to be frank… im over it !!!!!!!!! She is one that no matter how much i say no … she will still do it so im getting worried.
Post # 10
Honestly, until you stop acting like a penis is the most horrifying thing in the world, they’re hot going to stop having fun at your expense about it. Hell, from your OP meltdown about the horrors of the penis (poor penis…) I kind of wanted to, Annd I don’t even know you.
If you want the parade of dongs to stop, you’re going to have to be able to talk about them like a mature adult. Tell your friend you don’t want your bachelorette party to feel sexualized. You want a nice gathering with your favorite people. You don’t want to dress sexy for people who are not your husband to be, you aren’t comfortable with a sex industry worker there, and you don’t want to attend a party that looks more like a celebration of dicks than a celebration of the relationship you have with your ladies.
You’re going to have to be firm, and say it in a mature fasion with no freaking out and calling penises disgusting or else they are going to be going in with the mentality of getting you drunk, and then busting out EVERY DONG EVER.
Post # 11
@futureluckymrs: wait! She won’t let you have a say in your Bach party bc she didn’t have a say in YOUR wedding?! That’s messed up. I would put your foot down, and be serious about it… That if it’s not classy, then YOU WILL NOT be attending! Be very clear and firm about what YOU want!! if she wants a night out to have sexy, penis, stripper fun she can do it another night without you…
Post # 12
@Bracelet00: I agree completely
Post # 13
@futureluckymrs: “No penises at the bachelorette!” was actually something I discussed with my Maid/Matron of Honor when I asked her – luckily she full heartedly agreed! Your Maid/Matron of Honor sounds like she is being a jerk – why does she think she gets to plan your wedding? Is there something about your wedding that is especially hurtful to her? I would definitely enlist my bridesmaids to respect my boundaries.
Post # 14
I fought this hard with my Maid/Matron of Honor and in the end it really didn’t matter…. yes some penis shaped things showed up but it was quickly “lost”… the harder I fought it though the funnier everyone thought it was and sort of did it more to “get” to me (just joking not really mean but the kind of prank we pull on each other)
everyone still had fun and it wasn’t a bad time even if it wasn’t exactly what I personally would have wanted/planned.
I went out with a bunch of my girls, we were silly, we wore tiaras, I had a sash (again only for like 2 pictures and then it went into a bag with all the other crap), we drank, we made guys do stupid tricks (someone had this truth or dare “fishbowl” that you had to do silly things like sing a song or dance with a random guy – harmless stuff nothing dirty) and most of all we laughed and hung out together
Post # 15
Where does she get off thinking she’s supposed to have a say in your wedding??? If she throws you a penis party, I’d kick her out of the bridal party because she clearly doesn’t respect your feelings.
Post # 16
I am lucky that my Maid/Matron of Honor is my sister and she totally gets me. I am just not a get-wasted-and-wear-a-tube-dress-and-a-feather-boa-and-tiara-while carrying-an-inflatable-penis-on-an-all-night-club-crawl kind of girl. Not my thing.
I think you should loop in all your bridesmaids and just have a conversation about it where you don’t put down anyone’s ideas but you just say that a sexy penis party just isn’t appealing to you and not the direction you’d like to go in. Explain how you do want it to be and what would make it fun and comfortable for you.
Your friend might be teasing you since she’s getting an “ewwwww!!” reaction, but I would hope that if you had a heart to heart with all your bridesmaids about what would be fun for you then they would take you seriously and respect your wishes.