Post # 1
Member
82 posts
Worker bee
I asked my best friend of five years to be my maid of honor, and she seemed happy to take the position. But since then, she has changed a lot. She’s become too busy to ever meet with me or help me, doesn’t respond to my messages or texts, and has completely withdrawn from me, while socializing with everyone else. There hasn’t been a single bridal decision she has helped me with. Not only that, but I don’t even feel like we’re really friends now… she’s made new friends at college and the one time I have seen her in the past four months, she was dressed way different and had a weird, almost ‘high and mighty’ attitude. Needless to say this hurts my feelings a lot, not only because I’m working alone, but because I’m losing a friend.
So I asked my sister to be a maid of honor as well. We’ve really gotten close the last few years and she’s started helping out a lot, planning my bridal shower, etc… so I felt like she deserved to be bumped up from bridesmaid. When I imformed my friend of this, she just said “okey,” and seemed offended. I didn’t demote her, just added my sister, so I now have two MOHs. Now she won’t talk with me at all.
Really I feel like she has no right to be upset with me. Even though a lot of people say “A MOHs only duty is to show up in the dress”, I think that’s completely wrong. Because your Maid/Matron of Honor should actually care about you like you care about her, and being unemotional and withdrawn from your plans if just plain rude. Am I wrong?
Post # 3
Member
6394 posts
Bee Keeper
🙁 Technically their only ‘duty’ is to show up, but I think it’s usually an unspoken rule that they should also like you. I’m sorry she’s changing so much, that’s a really suck situation.
Post # 4
Member
411 posts
Helper bee
You’ve mentioned that she’s making new friends at college – did she just go away to college? There’s a huge change that happens when someone first goes to school, and she’s probably just trying to take it all in. I hate to say it, but I changed a lot when I went away too. There were a lot of friends that I fell out with, and the friends that let me go, I’m now closer than ever.
Take her to lunch, sit down and talk with her. It sounds like there’s deeper issues than just her not helping with the wedding, and it’s something you need two need to work out.
Post # 5
Member
140 posts
Blushing bee
You Maid/Matron of Honor should be there to help you as much as they can. I agree with you that being an Maid/Matron of Honor is more than just showing up in a dress. If that’s all it was, why not just have all BM’s? But I don’t see anything wrong with having your sister as a second Maid/Matron of Honor. Like @afbacher said, if she has just gone to college, she is going through a big change and is maybe getting overwhelmed with it all. I also agree that you should go to lunch or meet up with her and talk about it. Just make sure to do it in a public setting that way she isn’t feeling like you are bringing her in to attack her. Just let her know your feelings and go from there. Good luck! And don’t worry, it will work it self out the way it is supposed to!
Post # 6
Member
3758 posts
Honey bee
wow I am having the EXACT same problem with one of my bridesmaids! my wedding is a lot further out than yours but still… I don’t understand why she has so much time for her other friends but wont even text me back… crazy. good luck with yours =)
Post # 7
Member
140 posts
Blushing bee
What I have found is that they have more time for their other friends due to physical proximity. The friend that I have lives about 1 1/2 – 2 hours away, so we don’t get to hang out much, and when we do, it tends to be me going there. She has come down to see me too, but I feel like I end up there more often. Maybe they figure that since they other people are there with them, they are a higher priority and figure they will get back later when they aren’t with their other friends. That is about my best guess! LOL Good luck to you too! 😀
Post # 8
Member
987 posts
Busy bee
Sisters always seem to care more. I don’t see the big deal in your friend not doing much – it isn’t a reflection of her as a friend in ,my opinion, she may just simply not be that interested in helping out. If there is something specific you want her to do, like dress shopping, ask her. If she doesn’t want to attend, do it yourself.
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