(Closed) My mom is back to her BS ways..(long vent)

posted 7 years ago in Emotional
Post # 4
Member
459 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2010

Hugs!  Are you and your mom on the same cycle?

Post # 6
Member
963 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: April 2011

Gosh I don’t know what to say.  The “you’ve changed and maybe you’ll find in a year or two” thing is so my mom.  I think it’s childlish and manipulative to be frank.  I’d distance yourself from her and your family a bit.  I mean, you can still keep them involved, but don’t involve your emotions in anything that they do.  I love my mother very much, but she’s always looking for the evil reason that I’m doing something – she can never just be happy that we are coming to visit, she’s always thinking there is some ulterior motive.  Ugh.

Post # 8
Member
963 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: April 2011

@misssydneyj: LOL you’re not the only one! I’m trying to understand it too.  I think my mom is having a hard time letting go of her little girl.  She sometimes just smacks of disdain when she says “well, you’re married now so he can do that for you!” or something like that.  She makes me feel like I am choosing my husband over her all the time.  I don’t think she means to sound that way (because she chose my dad over her family in many ways).  I really think it’s hard for her to transition into finding our relationship now that I’m married.  I don’t have kids, so I can’t even imagine what it would be like to have to give up control (to a certain extent that’s what it is) and learn to live with your child being married.  I’m trying to weather the storm for now…  Sometimes I catch a glimpse of “normal mom” and I just hope it lasts.

I see what you mean about being happy for you.  Sometimes I feel that way about my mom.  Like, she’s never just happy for me, but I think it stems back to not dealing with the loss of her child (in a way).

Post # 9
Member
459 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2010

Without going into details, I had a TON of drama leading up to the wedding…you want to know when it finally stopped?  When people tried to start stuff, and I finally was like I don’t care.  They’d try to get me stirred up, and I’d be like peace out. 

Tell them it’s your life, your decisions, and that you’re the one that has to live with it – not them.

Good luck

Post # 11
Member
1559 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2011

Wow… it sounds to me like your mother is toxic. 

Personally, my mom and I didn’t do any of the happy, lovey, mother/daughter things while planning. 

I love my mom, and I’m on better terms with her than you are with yours, but I wouldn’t say that we’re super close. She just said and did stuff regarding our wedding that rubbed me the wrong way. 

I opted not to take her along dress shopping (She would have criticized how much I spent), and I didn’t really include her in the planning details. When she directly asked I would tell her about stuff, but I didn’t ask her to help with things, and she never asked if I needed help. 

So, if your mom really is causing that many problems, just stop including her.

Post # 12
Member
2288 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: November 2010

SouthernTulip totally did the right thing. Just be like “I don’t care, this is what’s happening, work it out amongst yourselves”. Don’t put up with this bs. If these were any other set of people and not family members, you would have ditched them a loooooooooooooooong time ago and you would be right to do it. Why let them treat you like this just because they’re family?

Post # 13
Member
1766 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: April 2011

Wow, I’m so sorry for you!  My mom used to be passive-aggressive ‘woe is me’, but never that bad!

You know what helped me?  Relocate.  You’re in Cali?  Try to find jobs on the east cost once you’re married and get the heck out of there.  Seriously, physical separation might be your saving grace.

Post # 16
Member
459 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2010

“Letting go” of my family was pretty hard for me, and while I still talk and visit with them on a regular basis…they know what comes first in my life…MY family (my hubs and our two furry little girls).

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