(Closed) My Mom and Our Budget Drama

posted 6 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
1562 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: November 2011

Can you offer to pay for the photographer yourself?

Post # 5
140 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

I can relate.  My Mom was always happy to stretch the budget for areas of the wedding that were important to her, but if it was only important to me… totally different story!

Maybe she snapped because she was having a stressful day or something and your worry was just the last thing she wanted to hear at that particular moment?  If she’s like any other Mom, she wants to give you everything and maybe she’s a little upset that she can’t, but she’s taking that out on you?

Have you guys tallked about what parts of the wedding are more important to you? If you won’t care that your invitations were printed yourself- do that to save money.  There are a lot of things you can DIY if you’re good at that and it makes planning the wedding more fun.

Post # 7
416 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

ask your mom why she got so upset. she may need to get something off her chest.

then ask her what you can cut down on. ex food choices, decorations..etc

ask the venue if they can knock off he price if you select your own photographer.




who said they were bad? have you looked at their portfoloio? they may not be!!

and tell them your concerns! they should be willing to hear you out and convince you they will do a good job! tell them what shots you want! give them examples of wedding oics you find online that you like!

Post # 8
8439 posts
Bumble Beekeeper

I think she is probably stressed by both the money (and coming up with it) and not disappointing her daughter. Weddings are a lot of pressure for parents. Yes it was bad that she snapped but she maybe feeling so overwhelmed with the stress that she just lashed out.

I would talk to her about how stressed she seems and ask her why (in a nice way- it could also be something entirely non wedding related).

Also since it is her money that she is spending I guess she does get a bit of say in how it is spent- and to her she may think you are taking advantage by wanting two photographers. Maybe both of you should go and see the photographer and view thier portfolio and do some internet research together to look at reviews etc and then make a decision together (rather than telling her) about adding a second photographer.

Post # 10
5762 posts
Bee Keeper

She’s probably more upset because she knows photography isn’t cheap, so ‘stretching the budget’ in her mind may mean by a few hundred, but not a few thousand.

Post # 11
9029 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2011

If you want another photographer and your mom thinks its not important then you have to pay for it yourself. Does you Fiance have money for that?

Post # 12
3618 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: November 2011

It sounds like your mom feels since she is paying for the wedding she gets the final say in everything. It is her money after all. The only thing I can suggest is the same thing the PPs suggested and that’s to pay for the photographer yourself. Although, I would be worried that it would offend your mom.

Post # 14
1735 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

If photography is very important maybe you can make cutbacks in other area to stay within budget.

Post # 15
416 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: February 2013

eesh, sounds like I wrote this post myself.

Our engagement party was this past Saturday and I met up with her earlier in the day to run some errands. Everything was fine and dandy and I mentioned a couple of times how I was hungry and hadn’t eaten breakfast. Out of no where she starts yelling at me telling me money doesn’t grow on trees and that any time I talk to her its about money… I was so confused!?!? 

I think they really want you to have everything for your big day, and in my case my mom never had a big day so she’s kind of living vicariously through me…so when I ask her for a budget she gives me the same response your mom is giving you! But then she snaps on me all of a sudden! I wasn’t even asking her to buy me lunch, I actually wanted her to hurry up so that I could go home and eat. 


We, women are strange creatures.

Post # 16
7693 posts
Bumble Beekeeper

@Anthia:  Well, since you stated that your inclusive venue covers everything but the formal wear, personal flowers and invitations.  Is there anyway that you can cut down/DIY with the flowers and invitations?   I bought paper for my daughter’s wedding invitations and they printed, stamped, cut, glued and tied them together.  They came out very nice!  I don’t know what you have planned for flowers, but maybe you could purchase them from fiftyflowers.com and do them yourselves.  Or get some from a farmer’s market, or even pick out non-floral items, like pocketfolds for the men, and bracelets with a silk flower for the women? Or a purse with a flower added, or other alternative.

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