my mom asked my fi to call her mom

posted 3 years ago in Engagement
Post # 2
Member
47189 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

soexcited123 :  You should never try to tell him how to feel.

When my Mother-In-Law asked me to call her Mom, I couldn’t quite do it, but I also knew she meant it in the best possible way,and I do love her dearly.

I started by calling her “Mom Jones”. It made her happy and eased me into actually calling her Mom.

Post # 3
Member
1203 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2017

Is this still a common thing? I always associated it as kind of an old school thing that people really didn’t do anymore? Maybe that’s just me, lol.

Post # 4
Member
3332 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2017

You are overstepping. He doesnt want to, I wouldn’t force him or try to make him feel guilty. He may have even used his moms feelings as an excuse and just isnt comfortable with it.

I like Julies wording of ‘mom jones’ if hes comfortable.

That said, I wont be calling Mother-In-Law ‘mom’.

Post # 5
Member
586 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: March 2017 - Nepal

He has a mother and I think it’s a bit ridiculous for you to get angry at him because he isn’t comfortable calling your mother “mom”. 

Post # 9
Member
442 posts
Helper bee

He has every right to not want to call his Future Mother-In-Law mom if he doesn’t to, for whatever reason. You shouldn’t guilt trip him about it, that’s seriously unfair and a bit manipulative. She will still be family even without that title from him. I think your mom should be understanding about this. I would never call anyone else “mom” either, in my eyes it’s a special title earned by the woman who sacrificed so much to raise me.

Out of curiosity, do you call his mother “mom”?

Post # 11
Member
1203 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2017

soexcited123 :  I guess because I don’t know any of my married friends that call their in-laws Mom/Dad.  I don’t think it should be forced upon either.  I know I won’t be doing it or asking my Fiance to.  First names are just fine, lol.

Post # 12
Member
2658 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: December 2016

I love my Mother-In-Law dearly but, whilst I look at her as a motherly figure in my life, I would never call her mum. I have a mother (and a step mother whom I also don’t call mum but that’s another kettle of fish entirely) and she is the person who gets that title in my life. I would also never expect Darling Husband to call anyone other than his mother mum.

I was considered a part of DH’s family for a long time before getting married, the same as how Darling Husband was considered a part of my family long before we got married. I didn’t call my Mother-In-Law mum then, so I don’t really see why it should change just because a piece of paper says that I married her son.

Honestly, I think you need to apologise to your Fiance – if he doesn’t want to call your mother mum he doesn’t have to and he doesn’t need to explain himself because of it either.

Post # 13
Member
409 posts
Helper bee

soexcited123 :  Do you feel the same toward his parents as towards your own? Do you feel like they are completely equal to your parents? Could you call your mother in law ‘mom’ without any problem?

I care about my husband’s parents, but I could never feel for them the exact same closeness and love that I feel for my own parents. They didn’t bring me into this world, raise me, look after me during illness and so many happy and sad moments. It could never be the same. Feelings of care, respect and even love can be great, but don’t push him to call her mom if it doesn’t come naturally to him. My father never called my maternal grandmother ‘mom’ or my grandfather ‘dad’ – and everyone was ok with that.

If I were you, I’d try to avoid arguments like ‘oh, so only your parents matter’ at all cost.  

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