(Closed) My mom can’t stop talking about my sister’s wedding – venting

posted 8 years ago in Family
Post # 3
Member
1763 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

I think the longer you go without talking to your mom about this, the longer your feelings will keep building. Did you Fiance ask your parents before he proposed? Has she said things to make you think she REALLY doesn’t want you to marry him? Unless she has sound reasons besides the past issues in your relationship your mom should be there for you. I would talk to her about how she is making you feel.

Post # 4
Member
1313 posts
Bumble bee

What a crappy situation. I’m really sorry to read all of this and see it happening to you!

Hopefully, after some time goes by, the newness of your sister’s wedding will wear off.

You are right, the dress shopping should have been about YOU. I am still in shock over the midnight blue comment!! WTH?

You have every right to be upset, I know I would be. Do you feel comfortable enough to sit down with your mom and talk one on one with her about how you feel? I always find writing a letter is easier for me because I don’t talk well face-to-face. I also tend to be more honest. Maybe that could work for you, too.

To tell you the truth, eloping isn’t a bad idea if you really want to go that route! Much less hassle, and some real bonding time for the two of you.

We threw the idea around, but Fiance ended up saying no to it.

Post # 5
Member
125 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

yikes I agree with mrskeelertobe talk to your mom about how what she is saying to you about your wedding is hurting your feelings.

Post # 6
Member
1636 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

Wow is all that I have to say! Have you tried to speak to your mother about the obvious issues she has with your Fiance. To me that seems to be why she is acting that way. I would sit her down and explain to her that you dont appriciate her brushing you off when you try to speak about anything about your wedding. The wearing pjs comment made me really angry for you who says that really! Good luck girlie!

Post # 8
Member
248 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2010

If you don’t want to confront her directly and cause a scene, you might ask her to join you for another wedding-related outing, or just lunch to discuss plans.  Then ask her to schedule it for when she’s not distracted or stressed and has time to focus on you (which is not unreasonable – you’re her daughter!).  Sometimes asking for what you want (her attention) is better than pointing out what’s going wrong (sister-discussion during your dress trip!). 

Your mom might be expressing (badly) her concern for your sister who is getting married very young and moving straight from her parents’ house to a different country.  Maybe encourage your mom to talk about her fears/concerns?  Becoming your mother’s confidant can make your relationship closer. 

Also, sad to say, she might need a little break from wedding planning, which you gave her when you moved your wedding by a year.  I hope she’ll be more enthusiastic as you get closer to your date.  2011 seems a lot closer to us than it does to non-brides!  Good luck…

Post # 9
Member
461 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2010

I don’t really have any advice or expertise rather, but I just wanted to say that you are not being selfish or anything; she should be there for you!  Maybe one day you could go just with your mom to do something wedding related?  Idk, the other scenario could be that your sisters wedding is recent in her mind so thus the comparison.  You know how parents do, my first baby this, then my second baby that comparisons.  I do agree that if you let this boil, it’s only going to get worse.  Is your sister talking about her wedding too?  Or is she being helpful?

Post # 10
Member
219 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2011

I understand how you feel and under similar circumstances I might feel the same way! Every girl wants to feel and be treated like a bride, especially by her mother, who most of us envision being our biggest cheerleader and advice-giver for big wedding decisions. I think you should talk to her about how you feel — explain that you have already changed your plans significantly to accomodate the rest of your family, and that you really need her now and you embark upon the planning process. She is your mom, but she is also your sister’s mom, and every parent fawns over their child’s wedding. She may not even realize she is doing it, so don’t feel afraid to bring it her to attention.

On another note, I think it is counterproductive to portray your sister’s marriage as somehow being less important or valid because they met at a young age and have not “weathered” the same storm as you and your FH. You should be happy for her and hope for the best, rather than trying to pump your ego by making her marriage seem like less than yours will be. I know you are doing it because you are hurt, but the only way to resolve the situation is to talk to your relatives about it and find a solution. That is the only thing that will really make you better.

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