- 8 years ago
- Wedding: July 2010
Sorry for the longness, but I has a big sad. For the five millionth time my mom has disappeared during the more important times of my life.
It started at about 9 yearsold when she decided to go back to school for her PhD and left my sis and I at home alone to fend for ourselves, not coming home until 8 or 9 at night. Then when I was 13 she finished up her schooling she decided she would marry a guy that she hardly knew, and Sis and I were put on the back burner again while they had date nights and hung out at friend’s houses while we were at home. Next I went to college and my mother really disappeared. I had to sell the gold jewelry my Dad gave me as gifts to pay for gas and never had a warm meal at the house even though she was receiving child support to the tune of 840/mo, and claiming me on her taxes, which made it so I never could pull out more in loans than what covered my tuition. After working 40+ a week and trying to go through school, I ran into a bad guy, wound up pregnant and, until two years ago, gave up on any thought of having a college education.
Now, I thought I had put all of this stuff behind me and grown up – so I reconnected the relationship so that she could be an influence in kiddo’s life and I would finally have a mother. NOPE! Through this entire wedding planning she has done nothing to help. Not a single stinkin thing – in fact, knowing that we had a 10k credit card bill to pay in January (spring tuition for school and wedding payments to be paid in cash, from savings which we skrimp and save to pay), she actually guilt tripped me into borrowing 1k for her car and has yet to pay me back! Granted, it is my dumb fault to let her guilt trip me, but still – who asks their kid to borrow a thousand dollars when they are paying for school in cash AND paying for the majority of their wedding?
Then, last week she sent out an email asking friends and family to contribute to her taking a sick dog that she fosters to TX to give it experimental treatment, even though she went 8k in debt doing back surgery on our family dog that passed away in November. I sent her an email reminding her that I will no longer put her before my kiddo’s college savings or my wedding. Well, this lead to a blowup and I just feel like it was her excuse to disappear again! She hasn’t called, emailed, or tried to contact me.
I’m feeling so frustrated and hurt right now. I can’t even imagine my kiddo planning a wedding without me being there to help her pick a dress, address the invites, heck – even go and see the venue location. The only feedback I have received from her was “Only really slender girls will look good in the dresses you selected” and when my sister posted on Facebook about the two of us working out for the wedding my mom posted “Thats nice, now let’s work on the mother of the bride!!!”.
I just don’t even know what to do. Should I shake her and yell at her about what a selfish biatch she has been and that she is ruining one of the last opportunities she has to support me? Or should I just let it go and stop communication? I’m so torn, there is still a little girl inside of me that wants a mommy to love me, but there is an adult that knows she is never going to change her selfish ways!
In any case, thanks for letting me vent. I don’t feel 100% better but it helps to get it out.