(Closed) My mom doesn’t care I’m getting married…(LONG)

posted 6 years ago in Family
Post # 3
65 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

Hey Hon,

First, congratulations! What an exciting time! Second, I’m sorry it isn’t all roses and someone is being a thorn.

I know the things mothers do can be extrememly hurtful and it seems your mother is no exception. (Read my post right before yours called, “MOB ruins Christmas” and you’ll understand where I’m coming from.)

While trying to find answers for why our mothers behave the way they do, doesn’t excuse their actions, but it does help us understand where they are coming from and perhaps empathize a little with their situation.

Inititally your mother is excited! Her little girl is getting married! (no matter how old, you are her LITTLE girl always) The initially reaction is “YIPEE”! But when that wears off, the second reaction is somewhat more sinister.

The second wave of emotion is, “Oh no my little girl is getting married and I haven’t had the chance to be a good mother yet!” She will go through emotions of being a failure, a bad mother, and never getting the chance to make that up to you. These are very complex emotions and they can come across in very hurtful ways to us daughters.

My mother did the same things to me in the beginning, and honestly, as you can see if you’ve read my post, is still doing them, but think about the alternative. Not inviting your mother to your wedding will be a regret you have for the rest of your life.

Give her some time to deal with the complex emotions in her head. Give her the space to sort out and to accept your engagement in her own time. For the time being forgive her for the hurtful things she maybe doing because she is struggling with herself internally and it isn’t because of you, its because of her.

Above all, please please please, don’t let her internal confilcts ruin this happy time. Trust that she will come around, and in the mean time revel in the congratulations, the cards, the well wishes, and the ohhh’s and ahhh’s you are getting from others.

She will be along shortly, I promise.

Post # 4
2158 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2012

I think it’s still early on, you have lots of time and hopefully she’ll come around soon

The topic ‘My mom doesn’t care I’m getting married…(LONG)’ is closed to new replies.

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