(Closed) My mom doesn't keep me in the loop about important family stuff…

posted 7 years ago in Family
Post # 3
117 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: March 2014

@nattiejeanne:  Kinda sounds like my SO’s side of the family. We didn’t know one of his grandpa had his leg amputated TWICE, and it had happened months prior. He recently got a text from his mother saying the same grandpa was in the hospital with Melanoma for a month already, and that his grandma had hernia surgery as well. We don’t have any way to deal with it though, everyone on his side lives hours away and no one ever picks up their phones. Why have a cell phone if your 5 year old child has it all day…?

Post # 4
543 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

@nattiejeanne:  If your mom is useless, I’d try to find someone else in the family who is more willing to communicate with you. The “it wasn’t my place” argument is pretty foolish when it comes to family communicationm. You’re not a child, you shouldn’t have to receive all important information through your mom. I’d also increase the frequency of your own calls/visits to those you are worried about. You could set up a weekly appointment for a phone call with the older folks, so that if they miss it, you know something could be wrong and you can then follow up. 

On one side of my family, email seems to work better for this stuff. When something happens, only one person has to get the conversation going. “Grandpa has a cold today, he might like some phonecalls,” or “Grandma’s surgery date got moved up a week…”

Post # 5
47422 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

One other factor to consider-how often do you stay in touch with these relatives directly? If they live close to you, you could phone or visit more often, so you would know what’s going on in their lives.

Honestly, I’m not trying to dump on you, because we are all busy. But, it seems a shame to wait for someone to convey the bad news to you, to make contact with these relatives.

Post # 9
864 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2014

@nattiejeanne:  the situation sucks but I’d just ask your aunt to tell you directly in case sth important happens. It’s not too often anyway and you’re just one additional person, so it’s not like it’s going to be too much of a hassle for her. tell her she can skip your mum instead and you’ll let her know 😉

Post # 10
1832 posts
Buzzing bee

I am sorry  your mom is so dysfunctional.  Since she hasn’t really latched on to what being a good, involved mom is, I would get her out of the equation here.

I see her as a dry well.  The best piece of advice i was ever given was to stop going to a dry well, looking for water it will never be there.  In that case, it was my aunt/guardian who raised me.  She was one dry well.  I think your mom is also.

I don’t think it is asking to much of an aunt or uncle to call you when this stuff happens.  If they can call their kids, they can make one extra phone call to you too.  Find the one you are closest to, explain that your mother refuses to pass on this information and that you and your sister need some help in this.  Ask them to call you when things are happening in the family so that you can take action if it is required.  Use your grandfather as an example.

Take your mom right out of this.

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