Post # 1
Just a bit of a vent, here. My mom hates it when I talk about my future wedding. HATES IT. She gets very snappy and tells me I shouldn’t talk about having a wedding until I’m actually engaged. She thinks it’s ridiculous that I know I’m getting married before the proposal. “The proposal should be a complete surprise — you shouldn’t already know he wants to marry you!” She also thinks too much wedding talk will scare my SO away. But he does it too! And we don’t talk about it that often, anyway. It’s not like I’m constantly shoving my desire for a wedding down his throat. Grr!
It really hurts my feelings because I get excited about ideas I have and I want to share them with her. My mom and I are very close so this negative reaction really kills me inside. I don’t see anything wrong with the fact that SO and I have already discussed marriage and know it’s in our future. In fact, proposing without any prior discussion of marriage sounds crazy to me!
I’ve talked to her about how this makes me feel and she apologizes for hurting my feelings but she can’t help how she feels about it, either. So I’m in a rut where I can’t share any of my ideas or excitement with my mother. It’s very upsetting.
It’ll be better when I’m actually engaged, and I’m sure she’ll be excited then, but right now it’s a real bummer. 🙁
Thanks for letting me vent, bees!
Post # 3
Aww, it’s too bad your mother can be happy for you 🙁
There’s obviously nothing wrong (and everything RIGHT) about knowing where your relationship is heading. To believe otherwise is incredibly old fashioned (and not in a good way…) It sucks, but I guess your mother is one person you cant talk about your wedding dreams with. I know that’s probably upsetting for you, but I’m sure you have other people to discuss this with, including us bees! Hang in there, I’m sure soon enough you will have a “real” reason to talk weddings with her 🙂
Post # 4
Maybe your mother is supersticious? Some people are and they think that if they talk about something before it actually happens, that they might cause it to never happen at all. Kitten is right, its fantastic that the 2 of you know where this is going. Many people don’t and that’s how they get into trouble in a relationship that is just one sided. Honestly, she will come around when the ring is on your finger so to speak, I am sure. In the meantime remember, the only person we can change is ourself so talk to your partner about your dreams, and be thankful that you can talk about these things together, as you should be able to for the rest of your lives. Good Luck.
Post # 5
Hey –I was actually in the opposite situation just before I got engaged. My mom wouldn’t shut up about wedding plans (mostly because my sister was getting married and she became obsessed lol). I, however, didn’t want to discuss anything until I was engaged – and neither did SO… so on the flip side at least you’re mom isn’t overbearing with plans.
I know it may be difficult, but maybe for the time being try not to talk about weddings with her. I’m sure she’ll be more excited for you once you’re engaged and then you’ll have never ending conversations about your wedding plans! At least your SO is on board and is willing to discuss plans with you – and you always have Wedding Bee!
Post # 6
I don’t know. It’s one thing to know that you’re getting married, it’s another to be already talking out wedding plans – with your SO or your mom. I mean, engagements are (typically) long. You’ll have plenty of time to get burned out on the details once it finally happens. My advice would be to relax.
Post # 7
Honey, I love my mom, but I think sometimes they’re too worried (superstitious?) for their own good. My mom told me I was going to smother my now Darling Husband by spending too much time together. That if I argued with him, he’d dump me. That he’d never marry me if I was having sex with him. That if I pushed the idea of marriage, I’d scare him away etc. etc. You know your relationship with your SO, if you don’t feel like wedding talk is weirding him out then I’m sure it’s not. Maybe just for your mom’s comfort, you might not talk to her about it as much. daybyday is right, you’ll have pleeenty of time to talk wedding details with your family once you’re engaged.
Post # 8
Try to keep the wedding talk away from your mom until after the proposal if she dosen’t want to hear it…when you get excited about wedding things…TALK TO US!!
Post # 9
Sorry your mum isn’t joining in with your excitement! At least you know where your relationship is heading, and that is what matters at the end of the day. Perhaps when your engaged she will finally start being excited for you? 🙂