(Closed) my mom forgot she saw my wedding photos!

posted 6 years ago in Family
Post # 3
693 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2012

I’m interested in the answers you get. My Mom didn’t come to my wedding, and I EVEN HAD IT IN HER STATE. But why would she? It didn’t benefit her. My wedding was 7/17, and she hasn’t called, sent me a card, anything. I refuse to call.

My sister and I realized a long time ago that she is never going to be a “mothering mother”. If you want to have a good time, (to her that means get high) and hang out in the garage like That 70’s Show, then she is all for it. For important dates, holidays, and emotional crisis type things you can’t count on her. She just wants us to  1.feel sorry for her, and 2. send her money.

Do you have children? Knowing my mother has made me the mom I am. Some say I am too overboard…but I never want my daughter to grow up thinking “I wish my mom had”..I’d rather her look back and have pleasant, warm memories.

Try not to let it get you down too much.

I hope someone has recommendations.

Post # 5
914 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

My mom is the same way. If it doesn’t benefit her, she has a hard time being happy for others. I feel like she goes out of her way to hate on others, too. Really gives me a good example of how I DON’T want to be with my children.

Post # 6
9955 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: December 2012

Difficult relationships can be hard at the best of times.

Difficult relationships with Parents or Children can run you haggard or bleed you dry

I can relate to your Wedding Story… my Mom didn’t even want to come to my first BIG Family Wedding… she told me she wasn’t coming a few weeks before the event (and her Dad & her were the Hosts).  Reason being, she was having some sort of melt down with her side of the family.  It took everything in my Father’s power to get her there… I still didn’t know the night before at the Rehearsal if she was coming or not.

Stress drove me crazy… she held my feelings hostage in a time when I was maxed out as it was.  That was such a CLASSIC HER MOMENT… the Drama Queen.

Sadly it took me about 30 Years of my life to figure this all out (after I was married and had kids).  That I was the proud owner, of an “Emotionally Vacant” Mother.  As a child, she just wasn’t that interested in me after I was no longer a baby… past what in her mind was the “cute” stage (kind of like a doll she could dress up).

Once I was past that, and particularly as I met the milestones in life that go with growing up (Off to School – High School – University – Marriage – Mom in my own life) we became further and further estranged.

Mind you she had some mental health issues… that is what took me so long to come to grips with… back then no one talked mental health.  I just thought my homelife was the norm… I didn’t know any difference till I was out on my own, married and raising kids.

My Mom may have “meant well” but she was a EPIC FAIL when it came to being there for me in any “appropriate” way.  Some of the things that went on in my childhood I cannot even speak of… amazing tho how the mind recovers… because quite honestly I didn’t have a clue how bad some of the stuff was until I was much much older and had kids of my own.  I looked back on my childhood and said… “Oh my gosh… What was she thinking?”

(example… I got my tonsils out as a 6 year old in a BIG City Hospital, far from where we lived in the countryside.  I was in the Hospital for over a week due to SERIOUS COMPLICATIONS… she never came to visit me… or anything.  I remember being lonely & scared, and doing a lot of crying myself to sleep.  I look back now and think, if this was my child, I would have been there 24/7 they would have had to tear me out of the Hospital… thankfully most let Parents stay over as much as they like.  I look back and say to myself… WHERE THE H3LL WAS SHE?  What was so dang important in HER LIFE that she wasn’t there for me when I needed her so badly ??)

Over the years, I’ve learned to see it for what it is.  She probably did what she could with the skills she had at the time… tough to fault her for that… no matter how horrendous things were (Ya I know, my friends say I am too nice).  But today, i just say she is who she is, and I am who I am.  We don’t agree.  AND the fact that she doesn’t GET IT anyhow.  In my case I’ve just gone on with my life without much contact whatsoever with her (we write sometimes).  It is sad…

BUT it is was what I had to do to survive / become my own person.  She was just too much of a Drama Queen with a toxic personality.  When I used to see her / phone her, I’d be a wreck for days afterwards… continually trying to figure out WHY she didn’t love me the way I did her… and WHAT I had done wrong.

Truthfully nothing.  I was just a child that had grown up.

Ya it sucks… I certainly WISH I had a relationship with my Mother like other people do… but it isn’t meant to be.

sienna76:  you are a strong woman… you will survive too.  (( HUGS ))


Post # 7
134 posts
Blushing bee

Hey I can totally relate. Any chance your mom has bipolar disorder?

It runs strong in our family, ecspecially my mom’s side. My mom has had SO many ups and downs over my wedding, (coming up Nov. 13).

Just NOT the kinds of responses and behaviors you would expect. I’ve even tried to reason with myself ideas that would make sense to her behaviors.

But no, something else is going on. Although she has no diagnosis, in my heart I feel shes bipolar. I work with people with the disorder, and it can be very mild, to mild anxiety and mild anger, to severe. Everybody’s different, and so it is in the disorder. It’s not a bad thing really, shes very emotional, but sometimes not so much. Just wish it didn’t drive a “wedge” between us either, like you said you felt with your mum.

My heart goes out to you. Good luck and stay strong.

Your lucky you have sisters on your side. My mom and I have always been opposites, and my younger sister loooves gushing up to mom. So they like to team up and guilt trip me. 🙁

Post # 8
699 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

Just reading this thread now since someone linked to it from your more recent thread–I dealt with something very similar with my father. I think it’s mildly less disappointing because who your dad is supposed to be is a little different from who your mom is supposed to be, but…

My father didn’t attend our wedding, allegedly due to health issues (we did have it on the other side of the country from him, but honestly I’m not sure he would have attended even if it were a half hour drive away). After the wedding, he showed MUCH more interest in the pictures we took on our honeymoon in Europe than in our actual wedding pictures, to the extent that he asked us to copy all our honeymoon pics onto a disc for him so he could play with them in Photoshop, but he didn’t want a single one of our wedding pics. It is REALLY hard to get past this. I’m in my 40s, I have been aware for many years of what kind of person he is, and I am still very disappointed. Darling Husband asked the other day if we needed to go see my father sometime soon, and I couldn’t say yes. I haven’t actually spoken to him in months, since we saw him to drop off the honeymoon pics, etc. We’re not getting any younger so I think I will have to suck it up and forgive him soon, but it’s really hard.

Anyway, don’t know if that helps you at all, or if it’s more just a chance for me to vent. But do know that your family isn’t the only one like this out there.

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