(Closed) My Mom Has Lost It … Emotional Meltdown (Long Rant Sorry)

posted 8 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
Member
264 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2011

Oh wow, I am SO SORRY that you are dealing with this…especially with your mother! I don’t really have any advise as I am not going through this with my mom, except to say that when I first got engaged (last Christmas) my mom was happy for me until I started “talking wedding” with her. She’s never had a wedding and has no clue on how to help me so she avoided the topic and barely gave input. After a couple of months of secretly thinking that maybe she wasn’t approving of my pending marriage, I finally confronted her about it. So, I guess that’s what I would advice BUT IN A LETTER. It seems like your mom can talk over you, so it might be easier to express your fears/concerns about loosing your relationship with her over this in a letter without interuption. 

Post # 4
Member
4547 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

As someone whose mother has been ridiculously mean and up and down since I’ve been engaged (and before) I sympathize with you! It’s incredibly difficult to have to deal with a mother who is being difficult when you’re trying to enjoy your engagement and spend time introducing your Fiance to your family.

My advice would be to take a step back and try to enjoy this time, despite what’s going on with your mother. Are you the only girl? Perhaps she’s having trouble with her only daughter getting married. I’m the only child and my mother is having an UNREAL time dealing with me growing up and getting married and beginning my own life. Perhaps there’s some of this going on. Maybe make some time when she visits (or you do) to spend time with just her. Go out to lunch or go shopping. Also, have you talked with her about this and let her know how upsetting the way she is acting to you? Being honest with her might help her understand the way her words and actions are upsetting you.

Do you have any idea WHY your mother thinks your making a mistake?

Post # 5
Member
529 posts
Busy bee

Someone ought to start a “mother” topic on this thing…seriously…I am in a similar situation – dating a man through college, now has a stable job, as do I (also finishing graduate school part-time) happily on my own, younnger brothers, rest of the family loves him but mother is convinced I am making the biggest mistake of my life and my parents had no problem saying “no’ when my FH went to ask for their blessing (we got engaged anyway) We’ve had several phone meltdowns (they live about three hours away) and they continue to insist they’re being “nice” by condescending to grudgingly speak to him at family functions I drag him to.

Not to drag on about me…but it always feels better to know their’s someone else in a similar situation…anyway, I’m a big sis to some twenty-somethings,too, and they have actually been pretty awesome. I called them up and got them on my side and they have kind of been working on the parents in their own way. Sort of like an adult version of an elaborate get-out-of-trouble-plot we would pull as kids. Their (surprisingly!) mature support and help has made me and my FH feel more comfortable continually inviting my parents to participate in the planning for our marriage. Perhaps your siblings could be an aid to you, as well. In the meantime, you have my deepest sympathy and continued wishes for your mother to take joy in her daugher’s choices.

Post # 6
Member
3295 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2011

awwww i am so sorry. that sucks that your mom doesnt understand or listen to you.  i bet if you go to see them and sit down with fi and express your concerns… she will have to listen and see your side. 🙁 i hope things get better for you!!! at least your fi sounds super helpful 🙂 thats great!

Post # 7
Member
163 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

Mothers can be so unreasonable sometimes!!

Sounds like there is something going on, and that she’s determined to make you miserable for some reason. Is she envious of you? Upset that you’re starting your own life? Resentful that you want to marry your Fiance even though she doesn’t want you to?

She needs some time to calm down and you need to try to reason with her. Make her understand that you don’t want to lose her, that you love her, but that she is pushing you away!

And try to keep her happy… If she wants the whole family to meet your Fiance, ask your brothers to be nice and come meet your Fiance. At least then she’ll have one less thing to be upset about, and maybe you’ll be able to have a constructive conversation!

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