- 5 years ago
- Wedding: April 2013
I don’t even know where to begin… but I do apologize because this will be super long.
So, my father passed away suddenly in July and, though my parents had been divorced for eighteen years, they had reconciled a month prior to his death and my mom went to the calling hours (mostly to support my sister and me). Well, this ended in a family feud, though I was hoping to avoid that happening. http://boards.weddingbee.com/topic/should-i-invite-her-long
Anyway, about a week later, I was on the fence about inviting Step-Mom to my bridal shower and wedding and my mom told me to do what I wanted, that she could tolerate Step-Mom being there. So, I eventually wrote the above post, asking for opinions. Even though she (Step-Mom) is a terrible person and I don’t like her, I was having immense feelings of guilt over not inviting her and my half-sister. I don’t know why. Then, I asked my sister what her opinion was. She told me I was being childish about the situation and that everyone is being immature… This was after she found out about the second shower. http://boards.weddingbee.com/topic/surprise-shower-vent-long. (We were able to sort out the one I was already having). So, I asked Future Mother-In-Law to send Step-Mom and Half-Sister an invitation. (This was before my dad’s ENTIRE family pulled out and decided to have their own shower for me, undoubtedly because they don’t want to be around my mother). I didn’t mention any of this to my mother because she had said it was fine before, so I assumed (wrongly) that it still was.
Christmas Eve came along and it was difficult being that it was the first Christmas without my dad. I didn’t feel like going anywhere, but Fiance prodded me to go to a friend’s party (though I was already in my pajamas). I reluctantly changed and we left. I cried on the way there, but I was okay once we were at the party. However, we only stayed for an hour before I discreetly insisted we go home. So, overall, it wasn’t a great day.
Then, on Christmas Day (which ended up being an even worse day), I still wasn’t feeling much better. We opened gifts at my mom’s in the morning (though my sister wasn’t there). After, we went to my aunt’s (Dad’s sister’s) house, but left early to go spend time with FI’s family. While at FI’s uncle’s house, I called my mom to see if she wanted us to come back over her house since I didn’t want her to be alone on Christmas Day. Well, she flipped out and started screaming at me about Step-Mom being invited to the bridal shower. She found this out from my sister, who told her about the invitation and said she was ‘being immature and that if she couldn’t act like an adult for a few hours she shouldn’t even go to the shower.’ Apparently, my mom took Step-Mom going as a slight against her. She screamed at me that I shouldn’t even have a wedding and ‘How could I do this to her?’ (Among other things). She then called me a push over and said if I didn’t want a second shower I should just say so. I was shocked. I got off the phone and cried in the bathroom at FI’s uncle’s house. Should I have told her before? Step-Mom isn’t even going to show up to a shower that my dad’s family isn’t going to and she’s supposedly “going out of town” the weekend of my wedding, so I told Mom she had nothing to worry about, but she continued to freak out.
Well, then I decided to email her my reasoning and how I felt. I apologized for my decision but told her she needed to respect it. (I was polite throughout the entire message). I said that we couldn’t change what happened and alienating myself from my family wasn’t going to do me any good, so I decided to be an adult and just deal with inviting Step-Mom for the sake of peace. (I thought Mom would still be okay with this since she told me she was before).
She completely went off the deep end. I have NEVER heard her talk to ANYONE the way she talked to me. (She was swearing profusely, essentially called me a liar for saying that people we’re calling me a push over, even though she did herself, and accused Future Mother-In-Law of forcing me to invite Step-Mom, even though I had already explained my reasoning). She said she was hurt by my decision and asked ‘What does she [Step-Mom] have to do for you to understand how much she hurt me? Kill me?’ I was completely floored because this is so unlike my mom and complete irrational. (Mind you, all of this came after she posted a vague status about me on Facebook). Then, she started ranting that I didn’t even ask for her help on the wedding and asked “Who’s helping you ‘plan’?” Plan in quotations like my wedding isn’t a real thing. She said she only got to do a few things so far. I’m doing EVERYTHING myself. I even went with Fiance to pick out a wedding dress (just us) because I didn’t want her there telling me I looked fat in everything (because I’m plus size). But that’s a whole other story… My mom is STILL pissed about that.
Anyway, Fiance and I had been considering getting our deposits back and eloping for several weeks (even before any of this happened). We are considering Las Vegas, though I’m not sure of the etiquette on eloping and bridal showers. (I can’t cancel mine – it’s in two days). I just figure I’d give back any gifts that people wanted back because we eloped. I said this to my mom and she said I was ‘canceling the wedding to guilt-trip her’ and that ‘I wasn’t allowed.’ Excuse me… It’s my wedding; I’m doing what I want.
I decided her last crazy message wasn’t even worth a response, so I haven’t said anything. I cannot even imagine where this amount of crazy came from, especially since she had said before that she would be fine with me inviting Step-Mom.
What should I do?