(Closed) My mom has too many guests!

posted 6 years ago in Family
Post # 3
5428 posts
Bee Keeper

Is she paying for the wedding? Or are you paying?

If she is paying, let her invite whoever.

If you are paying, cut her guest list down!

Post # 4
2849 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

It depends on how much she’s contributing financially. If she’s paying for the majority of your wedding, then she does get a say in who gets an invite. You could try explaining to her how much you love this venue, but she does get to ultimately decide how her money is spent. If you are paying for the wedding, then you should give her the number of people she can invite, and tell her she has to stick to it.

Post # 5
78 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

I had the same problem! My mom would randomly suggest for a while, “why don’t we invite… (insert name of family friend that I don’t know).” It took some convincing that inviting so many acquaintances would add up to a TON of people. Our venue only fits 140, and we are on a fixed budget. So, we didn’t really have the money or the space. Every time she added a new person, I’d be like “guess I’ll do my own hair” or “guess I won’t invite my college roommate.” Honestly, we had some huge fights over it. 

I had her make a list, and told her to only put down “essential” people. That ended up being just the right number of people. She wasn’t happy to cut down the list so much at the time, but now I think she understands. 

Good luck! 

Post # 6
1304 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

Agreed, it depends on how much she is chipping in on the cost.

Post # 7
581 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: December 2012

I think you should say just that.  “Mom, I’m really thankful that your are contributing so much, but I LOVE my venue and the limit is 125 and we’re at 114 with just the two families.  Could you maybe cut down the guest list?”

Make sure she understands that she is not the only one sacraficing guests.  You and your Fiance had to cut back as did his parents.

Maybe you could suggest a post-wedding brunch to invite her other friends to.  if she’s worried about hurting her friend’s feelings,  I feel like her friend’s shouldn’t be too hurt if they weren’t invited to YOUR wedding and you’ve never even met them. And it’s only a few hours.  Will she really have time to mingle with all those friends + family?

I understand that she should get to invite whoever she wants if she’s paying, but I don’t think you should sacrafice your dream venue.  And if she is paying, then it might be a good idea to remind her that she’s going to wind up paying for all the extra plates. tables, chairs and so on.

Post # 8
78 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

I’m from the South where parents typically pay for weddings. Even if the couple is financially independent or could afford to throw their own wedding, they’ll typically only chip in for “extras” like the dress, alcohol, etc. Parents normally rent the venue and buy the food.

Parents do consequentially have more control than they otherwise would have over the guest list and decision making in general. However, it is not a party for the them.  They have agreed to pay for YOUR wedding, so it should still be a day that is special to you. (within their budget of course). 

My family and his family have both agreed to invite the essential people, which is a very fair approach for this situation, and has really solved the problem. 

Maybe say “This is a dream wedding for me, but it only fits 125 people. Fiance and his parents have agreed to only invite people who absolutely cannot be leftout. Do you think we could do the same?” (basically what gingerlylove said above). 

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