(Closed) My mom hates me and hasn't spoken to her own mother in 10 yrs-help!

posted 6 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
Member
1086 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

Your mom sounds vicious. I know you want a relationship with her but it seems the only relationship she is capeable of right now is a toxic one.

 

If it were me I would stop talking to her for a bit. Send them BOTH (it’s your wedding not hers) invitations to the wedding and before the wedding day talk to your mom and explain to her that both of them mean a lot to you and if she can’t get over it for a few hours for your wedding then she just shouldn’t go at all.

 

I’d also let my mom know just how selfish and childish she was being, but that’s just me. I took too much crap in my childhood, as an adult I’m responsible to defend myself and I would

Post # 5
Member
3776 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: December 2004

@Hope_To_Be_MrsLovebug:  Your mom sounds like a horrible person.  If this person was not your mother, would you even entertain the idea of having a relationship?  This is not even a close call, dad and grandma get an invite to the wedding and mom can go fly a kite.  Life is too short for this kind of co-dependant manipulation.

Post # 6
Member
1522 posts
Bumble bee

sounds like my family. my mom did not talk to her mom for 20+ years, now my mom doesnt speak to me its been 2 years to date. When i walk into the room she ignores me like a stranger. just luv ur mother and pray it will melt her heart. believe it or not there is always a reason that they have that wall up and u hav to just pray for them. i was called everything under the sun (words that u shouldnt even say to a dog) but u know what i luv my mom with every fiber dont let that luv die or fade. In the meantime attempt to break her write letters (a REAL letter expressing ur reasons for ur actions and show her that u luv her but u couldnt ignore ur gma bcz u care for her as well) pour ur heart out. she will come around.

Post # 7
Member
2106 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

Read Toxic Parents. I think it will help you.

You should not promise her things you have no intention of fulfilling as an adult, though I understand being a kid and lying because you wanted to do the right thing (see your grandparents). 

If your mom can be reasoned with, you could try having a heart to heart with her about how her fights are her fights but, as an adult, you don’t have to fight the same battles as her.  Her disagreements with your g-ma are between her and your grandma and you should not be involved.  I’m guessing she can’t be reasoned with, though. 

Post # 8
Member
2750 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

Your mom has serious issues.

Post # 9
Member
7735 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

Your mom is psycho. See who you want. Don’t let your mom blackmail into who you can and can’t see. Invite them both (and your dad) to your wedding, and it’s up to them whether they attend.

Post # 10
Member
4803 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

I would invite your grandma and NOT your mom. It’s pretty clear who has been there for you and who has treated you terribly (and ironically, for someone who claims her mother was abusive), neglected and emotionally abused you.

It doesn’t sound like your mother can be reasoned with, or cares about anyone but herself. Yes, she is your mother, but I am not someone who believes you have to maintain contact and a good relationship with your parents simply because they are your parents. This woman has treated you horribly, and to be honest it sounds like she may have some mental problems, not that I think you’d be able to get her to seek help for them. She cut off her relationship with her mother, then father, then her husband…now her daughter.

Post # 11
Member
2961 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

Your Mother is a very angry, bitter, woman who has no right telling you who you can and can not see. Just eing around such a toxic person would drive me crazy! I would be going to Grandma’s or Dad’s for Christmas and telling your Mom if she can’t behave herself, she can’t come to the wedding.

Post # 12
Member
1734 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

Your mother has some mental health and/or anger issues. Her behavior is unacceptable. Was she this way when you were growing up? Obviously not familiar with the larger situation, but what does your dad have to say about this? Your mom’s issues may be a motivator for the divorce.

Post # 13
Member
3314 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

I’m so sorry. Your mother is disgusting. If you want anything approaching a healthy life you will distance yourself from her. Right now she sees you as an extension of herself – not good. 

Post # 14
Member
521 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2014 - Italiano's Humble

No parent should have any wall up in regards to their child! That is bs. Also, if the abuse thing were complketely true, and as horrifying as your mom says it is, she would never have let her children there in the first place. Forf the most part, I can’t stand my mom. She stood by when someone else was beating me, and blamed me for alot of her issues with her ex husband. She and my son have a great relationship, when I have the guts/boredom to drive there. She’s the type to blame everyone else, or nonverbally rubs it in your face when you’re wrong. F-her…

Op, you need to do what your heart feels. Your grandparents never wronged you. You should continue rebuilding your relationship with your grandmother. As you already know, time isn’t forever. Good luck with your troubles. I do hope your mom can cowgirl up, and handle things as a lady. Bless her heart, and not in the religious way 😉

Post # 15
Member
2335 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: April 2018

Your mother needs to go to quite a bit of counseling/therapy. Not even kidding. She has a whole host of issues going on that have nothing to do with you.

I want to reiterate this, because it’s so important: This is not your fault. You have done nothing wrong. You are lovable.

You and your mother are two grown adults- individuals. It is extremely inappropriate for her to poison your other relationships and to ask her to involve yourself in her own personal vendettas.

Unlike some PPs, I won’t say not to invite your mother- in fact I think perhaps you should invite her, but let her know that you also expect your grandmother to be there, and if your mom doesn’t think she can handle that, she shouldn’t come.

Post # 16
Member
1522 posts
Bumble bee

@cheetah2b: 

No parent should have any wall up in regards to their child! That is bs

 tru no person not only parent should hav a wall up but a lot of ppl do for their reasons and sometimes it takes that 1 person to break through and reach them.

Also, if the abuse thing were complketely true, and as horrifying as your mom says it is, she would never have let her children there in the first place

 my mom was abused by her mom, i was around my grandma wen i was young, now 20+ years they hav resolved their issues so that statement is definitely not tru

OP its a horrible poisonous cycle that will only stop wen someone stands up and says enough… nt j.lo “enough” but with open hearts, minds and a little knowledge.

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