Post # 1
- Wedding: September 2014 - Historic Rosemont Manor
Yup, no other way to put it. I just got off the phone with my mom and she all but admitted it. We had a dramatic wedding planning process, one that included my Fiance at the time & I driving up 3 hours to sit down with my parents to have a heart to heart. I cried, he cried, both of my parents cried, and everything was great. A week later, my mom was convinced every word my husband said was a lie. I thought things had gotten better – I was terribly wrong.
I’ve been married for a little over 6 months now and my mom just told me that one of the reasons she hates my husband is because a few months ago, he told me that I couldn’t talk to my mom about him. That is not at all what he said. A few months ago, my husband and I realized that saying negative things about each other to our parents was causing our parents to harbor negative feelings towards our significant other. I guess my mom misinterpretted that. <br /><br />That leads us to present day – I can’t talk about my husband without my mom changing the subject. She told me today, after much reluctancy, that she is going to seek professional help to try to find a way to resolve some anger she’s harboring towards the man of my dreams. I don’t even know how this got to this point, but im so heartbroken… I know I need to let her take the time she needs and talk to someone to sort it out, but it’s really hard knowing that I can’t talk about the biggest aspect of my life with my mother, who used to be my best friend. Any advice is appreciated, but more than anything, I think I just needed to vent.
Post # 2
I’m so sorry. What a terrible position to be in.
Post # 3
I’m in the same boat. It sucks and is one of the toughear things I’ve had to deal with. Hopefully time will allow her your mom to see him in a different light…just remember that no family is all unicorns and sparkles. this is more common than it seems.
Post # 4
Oh, how sad.
Give her time. Give her space. Check in from time to time with your folks, but let them come to you. They know how to reach you, but they have to do the reaching in this situation.
Just my $0.02.
Post # 5
That’s so sad! However, I do think it’s a great sign that your mom wants to ressolve that anger. A lot of people would be stubborn about it and just hold onto it, letting it fester. I’m betting there’s something deeper going on with her, emotionally, that’s the source of this, and hopefully with time she will come around.
Post # 6
on another note, whenever I see your posts on the bee I smile because you have a cute little send off line “just my $0.02”. Reminds me of Anchorman- “and that’s the way the cookie crumbles!”
OP, I’m sorry you have to go through this. I just hope that you are able to sit down and help your mom see the person you love and are spending your life with. You can only go up from here!
Post # 7
I am so sorry! I dealt with something similar and it drove a huge wedge between my mom and me. Finally I sat her down and told her that I am an adult and I need her to back off. I told her that she’d have to trust that I am wise enough to make the right decisions for myself. She didn’t get it right away, but eventually she started to come around. It was a long and painful process.
Post # 9
All right, you need to resolve stuff with your mom, but it seems there are also issues with each other. You saying negative things to your mom could cause her to think negatively about him, yes, but more importantly what negative comments are you making and why. What is upsetting YOU about your husband?
Now I could be completely off base and hope I am in your case, but I wonder if your mom has some legit reason to be wary of him. I say this because a close family member just experienced a bitter divorce after 20 plus years. During the engagement, way back when, a couple of family members did not think her ex was right for her, but of course, hard to tell someone/ hard to hear that at the time. Looking back now, how right they were.
Post # 10
Agree with<br />
you need to give your mom some space so she can seek professional help (if she needs it), or to simply think things through. Also, I’d write her a letter explaining that all of those times where you vented to her you may have given her the wrong impression. Tell her about the good parts of your relationship, remind her that you’re only now learning to love, learning to live with another so you’ve gotten it wrong on a regular basis. Apologize for having put her in an untenable position against your Fiance (now DH)bc she loves you and will ALWAYS side with you. Then give her space.
Post # 11
Why did you tell your mom about your agreement with your husband to stop telling her negative things about him? Sounds like the very first thing you did after that agreement was to overshare.
Post # 12
Moms hurt when they think their children are hurt. You and DH kiss and make up while Mom sits at home thinking you are unhappy or mistreated. After a few rounds like this, it starts to take its toll. If you stop the negativity, she will too in time.
Post # 14
Years ago I had a boyfriend and we had many, many problems. I always shared with my mom because I wanted to vent, but I didn’t realize at the time that what I was actually doing was hurting her. She didn’t want to see me hurt. So she also harbored ill feelings towards my boyfriend and would change the subject as well. Hopefully your mom can get passed this and in the future, if I were you, I’d confide in a friend or a therapist. You don’t want your friend to harbor the same bad feelings. Are there a lot of troubles you are sharing? If so, stick to the therapist for most of it.
Post # 15
I feel like there are just somethings that don’t need to be shared with parents. I’m glad your mom is working on herself, but I think you over shared some personal things which caused her to not like him. I feel like most mothers at least try in the beginning. I feel like we have all done it at one time or the other, but most importantly is that you need to realize that your husband is your partner, trashing him to you mother isn’t the best idea. Even if it’s venting to your mom about what he’s doing.