(Closed) My mom hates my husband…

posted 7 years ago in Emotional
Post # 2
Member
2405 posts
Buzzing bee

I’m so sorry. What a terrible position to be in.

Post # 3
Member
1002 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: April 2015

I’m in the same boat. It sucks and is one of the toughear things I’ve had to deal with. Hopefully time will allow her your mom to see him in a different light…just remember that no family is all unicorns and sparkles. this is more common than it seems.

Post # 4
Member
3936 posts
Honey bee

 

Oh, how sad.

Give her time. Give her space. Check in from time to time with your folks, but let them come to you. They know how to reach you, but they have to do the reaching in this situation.

Just my $0.02.

 

 

Post # 5
Member
80 posts
Worker bee

View original reply
MrsS_to_be:  That’s so sad! However, I do think it’s a great sign that your mom wants to ressolve that anger. A lot of people would be stubborn about it and just hold onto it, letting it fester. I’m betting there’s something deeper going on with her, emotionally, that’s the source of this, and hopefully with time she will come around. 

Post # 6
Member
284 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: February 2016

View original reply
NFLwidow:  on another note, whenever I see your posts on the bee I smile because you have a cute little send off line “just my $0.02”. Reminds me of Anchorman- “and that’s the way the cookie crumbles!”

OP, I’m sorry you have to go through this. I just hope that you are able to sit down and help your mom see the person you love and are spending your life with. You can only go up from here!

Post # 7
Member
1265 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2015

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MrsS_to_be:  I am so sorry! I dealt with something similar and it drove a huge wedge between my mom and me. Finally I sat her down and told her that I am an adult and I need her to back off. I told her that she’d have to trust that I am wise enough to make the right decisions for myself. She didn’t get it right away, but eventually she started to come around. It was a long and painful process. 

Post # 8
Member
3936 posts
Honey bee

 

😉

Post # 9
Member
1178 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

All right, you need to resolve stuff with your mom, but it seems there are also issues with each other. You saying negative things to your mom could cause her to think negatively about him, yes, but more importantly what negative comments are you making and why. What is upsetting YOU about your husband?

Now I could be completely off base and hope I am in your case, but I wonder if your mom has some legit reason to be wary of him. I say this because a close family member just experienced a bitter divorce after 20 plus years. During the engagement, way back when, a couple of family members did not think her ex was right for her, but of course, hard to tell someone/ hard to hear that at the time. Looking back now, how right they were.

Post # 10
Member
2543 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: November 2013

Agree with<br />

View original reply
NFLwidow:  

you need to give your mom some space so she can seek professional help (if she needs it), or to simply think things through. Also, I’d write her a letter explaining that all of those times where you vented to her you may have given her the wrong impression. Tell her about the good parts of your relationship, remind her that you’re only now learning to love, learning to live with another so you’ve gotten it wrong on a regular basis. Apologize for having put her in an untenable position against your Fiance (now DH)bc she loves you and will ALWAYS side with you. Then give her space.

Post # 11
Member
782 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2011

Why did you tell your mom about your agreement with your husband to stop telling her negative things about him? Sounds like the very first thing you did after that agreement was to overshare. 

Post # 12
Member
892 posts
Busy bee

Moms hurt when they think their children are hurt.  You and DH kiss and make up while Mom sits at home thinking you are unhappy or mistreated.  After a few rounds like this, it starts to take its toll.  If you stop the negativity, she will too in time.

Post # 14
Member
5046 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: May 2014

View original reply
MrsS_to_be:  Years ago I had a boyfriend and we had many, many problems. I always shared with my mom because I wanted to vent, but I didn’t realize at the time that what I was actually doing was hurting her. She didn’t want to see me hurt. So she also harbored ill feelings towards my boyfriend and would change the subject as well. Hopefully your mom can get passed this and in the future, if I were you, I’d confide in a friend or a therapist. You don’t want your friend to harbor the same bad feelings. Are there a lot of troubles you are sharing? If so, stick to the therapist for most of it.

Post # 15
Member
5985 posts
Bee Keeper

View original reply
MrsS_to_be:  I feel like there are just somethings that don’t need to be shared with parents.  I’m glad your mom is working on herself, but I think you over shared some personal things which caused her to not like him.  I feel like most mothers at least try in the beginning.  I feel like we have all done it at one time or the other, but most importantly is that you need to realize that your husband is your partner, trashing him to you mother isn’t the best idea.  Even if it’s venting to your mom about what he’s doing.

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