My mom insists I shouldn't have a gift registry at all…?

posted 1 year ago in Etiquette
  • poll: Is a gift registry common and accepted nowadays?
    Yes, it's expected; put it on your wedding website! : (20 votes)
    51 %
    Sort of, you should have one, but only give it out if asked : (12 votes)
    31 %
    Nope, gift registries are tacky/people will assume you would prefer gifts : (7 votes)
    18 %
  • Post # 16
    Member
    4971 posts
    Honey bee

    I live in the tri-state area and registries are used primarily for showers. Generally speaking most people give money as a wedding gift, even if there is a registry. 

    Post # 17
    Member
    12812 posts
    Honey Beekeeper

    View original reply
    moissamight :  That’s not the main argument against a honeymoon fund. The main issue with them is they are, by any stretch of the imagination, a cash registry. People do not get vouchers for dinners or a free hotel room, they get cut a check, which can be used for groceries, manicures or anything else. And they usually take a percentage fee to do it. 

    The other main issue is that a vacation, any vacation including your honeymoon, is your own responsibility, no one else’s. 

    Post # 18
    Member
    403 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: April 2019

    View original reply
    moissamight :  does your mom know you’re doing a digital invite? I actually think an email/FB invitation is more of an etiquette issue than a registry. 

    Post # 20
    Member
    2579 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: November 2012

    When I am getting ready to buy a gift I first check for a registry on the wedding website. If I can’t find one or if I am not interested in giving something that’s on one then I will bring cash.

    Post # 21
    Member
    7028 posts
    Busy Beekeeper

    I couldn’t vote on any of your choices–if you’re having a shower you need a registry. Otherwise, if you really prefer cash and don’t want to register then don’t. Some people will still decide to give a boxed gift, no matter what you do, most will give cash. 

    Post # 22
    Member
    1528 posts
    Bumble bee

    View original reply
    weddingmaven :  I suppose I see the whole “guests have to hunt for the registry” as a disingenuous because we all know the sole purpose of the registry is to list a bunch of items the couple want people to buy them. I have lists of things I need to purchase, but I don’t publish that on the internet for people to find. I personally don’t see the difference between having a registry and having a home renovation/house deposit etc fund, in both situations people are making suggestions as to what guests should gift them. If they are presented in the same way (as in if people want to put a polite spin on it by making it a little hunt for the hyperlink), I really can’t see morally and logically what the difference is. I’ve got to spend money either way and the couple are heavily suggesting what I spend it on, at least with a cash registry I don’t have to go out and buy a present then wrap it. 

    The only real advanatge I’ve found after debating this numerous times on the bee is that with gift registries you can buy items in a sale or get money off with vouchers, so the couple won’t know exactly what you’ve spent, and that’s the only real advantage to them that I’ve ever seen. The whole argument seems to centre around “asking for cash is tacky, everyone knows people like cash”, well yes, but asking for any gift is tacky imo, and “registries are just lists of things the couple need, they’re not demands”, so are honeymoon/home renovation funds, no one is saying “you must pay x amount into my fund otherwise you can’t come”, it’s just a suggestion of something the couple would like instead of a gift, there’s no demand or begging. 

    Post # 23
    Member
    2726 posts
    Sugar bee

    Here the most polite thing to do is to have a registry, but only offer it if requested or put it somewhere very discreet on your website. 

    The reasoning is basially that if you advertise your registry it’s a bit like saying, ‘please fulfill this shopping list for me! Do not get me thoughtful gifts, I just want to furnish my home.’ 

    Whereas if it’s discreet, people that want to put some thought into your gift don’t feel like you’re being ungrateful, but those that aren’t sure what to get you will either ask for the registry or give you cash. 

    But honestly it’s a very fine line and i don’t think people judge too harshly about having the registry on your website as long as you’re not glaringly flashing it around. 

    Post # 24
    Member
    1512 posts
    Bumble bee

    I’ve never bough someine a gift from a registry. Never would. 

    If I give a gift, it boyght and presented oersonally, and not at the wedding. 

    The only people I give cash to are children. 

     

    No registry, first nor second wedding. Our wedding website declines gifts. If someone were  to insist I would humbly accept, of course. 

    My great uncle still gave a beautiful crystal bowl after my first wedding, but it’s living with my ex husb. 

    Also never had a shower for weddings or babies. These self-important expectations for gifts really puzzle me. 

     

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