(Closed) My mom is boycotting my wedding

posted 6 years ago in Family
Post # 3
Member
33 posts
Newbee

Hey, I’m sorry to here you’re in this situation 🙁 I don’t know what the best decision in this case is but I do know what I might do if I were in your shoes, I would most likely just continue theceremony as planned, as it would just disrupt a lot more people tochange things now. I would tell your mom you’re sorry she’s uncomfortable, but that you hope she still chooses to attend. Hope it all works out!

Post # 4
Member
150 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: February 2005

If you haven’t already you should explain to her that she is causing you more stress because of this.

If I came to my mom and said those words she would completely reevaluate what she’s doing so she can be more accomodating.

It’s about you that day, she will just have to put those fears aside to support her daughter.

You can set up the seating chart so all of his family is as far away from her as possible and let her know she doesn’t have to stay so long at the reception if she feels uncomfortable. That’s just about as close as it gets for meeting in the middle with a situation like this.

Post # 5
Member
7647 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: July 2012

Wouldn’t having it farther away eliminate some of your dad’s extended family from coming?

Anyway, you need to have a heart to heart with your mom and tell her how much added stress this is causing.

Also I agree with PP. Make a seating chart and set her away from anyone that may bother her.

Post # 6
Member
3471 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: July 2012 - The Gables Inn, Santa Rosa, CA

Why not do a 2nd reception? Do something closer to home so your mom feels more comfortable with it, and let her decide if she wants to go to both, or just the home event. 

I can understand your feelings, and it’s definitely unfair of her to ask you not to invite 1/2 your family just because she doesn’t like them anymore; but I don’t think you’ll have much success changing her mind. :-/

Post # 7
Member
1252 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: November 2011

@SaltyRamen:   I would tell her that she is being unfair to you by not setting aside her issues with your father’s family on the day of your wedding.  Can she bring along some close friends and make it into a vacation so that she doesn’t feel so alone?  Honestly it would probably be less expensive & less stressful for you to pay for a few extra guests (or even a couple family member’s airfare) than it would be to host a second reception.

Post # 8
Member
3305 posts
Sugar bee

I would do a second reception but make the second one small and cost efficient.

Post # 9
Member
4324 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: January 1992

Why not get married close to home, and honeymoon in Europe?

Post # 10
Member
10366 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2010

You really need to explain to your mom that HER issues are NOT your issues and the wedding is not about her. She can get over herself and come, or she can miss out. But you will not be manipulated in this manner.

Post # 11
Member
3692 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: December 2011

Why does she feel like she’s going to be ganged up on?  If a family member of mine cheated on their spouse, I’d think they were a jerk, not the spouse.  

Post # 12
Member
55 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: November 2012

 

I am in a similar boat with regards to the parent situation. Both my parents are going to attend my wedding however I have had a few bombs dropped on me from my mom. For example “You should have your brother walk you down the aisle”

On top of the parent dynamic there is a very messy tangle of aunt, uncle drama which involves one of my brothers as well. I have opted to go for a seating plan so I can try to divide the masses!

I was very stressed about who I should/Want to invite and who not to invite due to drama even though I would be upset for not attend. I had heated arguments with my family about it.

I have decided to just leave it. I will invite who I want, have the wedding I want and if you don’t come well that your choice. You cannot force anyone to go to your wedding and those who love you and support you will be there for you no matter what.

I would have a chat with your mom. I would suggest planning a girl’s weekend with just you and your mom to talk about it, but also talk about your relationship. Bring up old times and how much of a loving support she has been all these years. Explain that it was your decision to have your wedding away.

 

I hope this helped! Good Luck!

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