(Closed) My Mom is KILLING my wedding budget!!!

posted 8 years ago in Family
Post # 3
7587 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: December 2010

@Ayslinn87: I’m sorry. It’s so frustrating when situations like this happen, plus it’s her coming from a good “I’m so excited for my daughter” kind of place. I hope she stops now 🙂

Post # 4
1253 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

Why don’t you sit down and explain to her that she has to stop inviting people? If you are mailing out invites yourself, just mail them to the people you want to.

Post # 5
5118 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

@Bostonsmom: I agree with this. I’d let her know to please stop (as you have), and then only send out invites to your actual guest list. I’d also check with her how many extra people have been invited, she may have to help contribute to the budget. A piano teacher with 4 kids will cost an extra $175 and that’s just from one excited invite. :-/ Maybe actually showing her the numbers will rein her in.

Post # 6
5095 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: June 2011

Just don’t invite them. It’s as simple as that.  If it puts your mom in an uncomfortable position, well, she was warned. 

Post # 8
5889 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: May 2012

this sucks…at least your catering costs are so ridiculously inexpensive!!

Post # 9
155 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: February 2013

I hope she listens to you as well, and good for you for only inviting who you wanted invited.

Post # 10
566 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

The last wedding my parents went to was a super fancy, $40k affair held by one of their oldest friends. And now everything we do is compared to that wedding. “You’re making your invitations? Theirs were fancy and ordered.” “You’re not doing RSVP cards? What’s this online thing?” “You want a dress without a train??”

Every time they bring up something like this, I decide if it matters to me or not.  If it does, I’m willing to let the budget slide a little to go her way.  If it doesn’t, I’m doing what I want.

I totally thought my fiance was on board with this approach, until last week when I told him I wanted to wear my favorite old flats as my wedding shoes (hey, they could have been my “something old”!).  He nearly had a heart attack, then told me I HAD to get new shoes and that he would pay for them.  I did not complain and immediately went shoe shopping.  😀

Post # 11
592 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2012

We are paying entirely for our own wedding just to avoid this. It has been made VERY clear to all of our parents that we are paying and therefore controlling this guest list.

Post # 12
1995 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2010

I’d try and sit down with her with the budget and all the info.  Explain the details of how much you have and how you’re responsibly spending it.  Tell her if she wants to tell (brag) to all her friends to send out ‘announcement cards’ afterwards.  This is a big financial deal as well as emotional one. 

Post # 13
659 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2011

OMG. my mom keeps saying to give her invites so she can invite her coworkers. NO WAY! i’ve told her repeatadly that they aren’t coming. She is paying for food. It’s at $10,000  for what used to be 75 people… now it just keeps going up… we’re over 80. and the event is no kids allowed, but she told my 3rd cousin to just bring her kids because they’re not gonna have their own plate anyway so she says (they are toddlers)! apparently babysitters don’t exist to my mom.

what pisses me off more is that she is having an after reception party when we come back from our honeymoon… so she can easily invite those coworkers then.

me and my Fiance don’t want anyone at OUR wedding that we don’t know. that’s what the after reception party is for! it’s unfair to those people we had to cut from our wedding n have to be invited to the after reception party.

Post # 14
2161 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2011

I think you need to sit her down and show her numbers.  Show her how much each guest she has invited are costing you.    Maybe she needs a visual.

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