(Closed) My Mom is mad at me!!! [LONG]

posted 9 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
Member
1019 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: January 2010

Sounds like you just have to put your foot down. It makes sense for your parents to make a speech welcoming him into your family and for his parents to make a speech welcoming you into their family. I would make it less about negative feelings towards that side of your family and just explain that if you let your aunt make that speach then you would have to let someone from each side of both families make similart speeches and this is not something you are interested in. Too many speeches will diminish the improtance of what you are asking your PARENTS to do.

Perhaps you can suggest that family members who have something special to say regarding your union do so in letters that can be read and cherished after the honeymoon. Essentially, you don’t want to budge but unless you change your tone regarding this situation the hurt isn’t going to go away.

Best of luck!

Post # 4
Member
2641 posts
Sugar bee

I agree with missrain.  The whole time I was reading your post, I kept thinking, too many speeches.     How many speeches? Bridesmaid or Best Man, MOH, his family welcoming, your family welcoming.  Now a random aunt?  Too much.    Your guests will probably get tired of the speeches too.  After speeches, it’s the first dances, cake cutting etc.  At some point they are just going to want to cut loose and dance and socialize.

Post # 5
Member
303 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: April 2010

I agree with these ladies, that speech sounds terribly inapprpriate!

In the interest of keeping the peace, maybe you can do something like what missrain suggested, ask people to write letters. You could make them feel more formal by having a guestbook-type-thing passed around where they can write a letter or note, where you can display it or read it in the future. (Doesn’t mean you have to actually read it… but maybe you can appeal to them by saying you want it in writing instead of having it be something you only get to hear once).

 Best of luck!

Post # 6
Member
2207 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2009

I agree with missrain as well  -too many speeches.  My mom tried for a few erroneous speeches and other things at my wedding and I put my foot down.  please make sure you tell the DJand your DOC (if you have one) that there are to be NO SPEECHES BY ANOYONE OUTSIDE OF THE LIST YOU GIVE HIM!  This way they can call interference and avoid a "scheduled impromptu" speech to be given.   

Post # 7
Member
513 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: December 1969

Speeches have a very lovely place in my book- I hate them in general. And mainly because my family has a history of receiving bad speeches.

Tell your mom you are sorry, you didn’t mean to hurt her feelings. Tell her you and your fiance spoke and have decided only immediate family will speak. Assign who is providing speeches at the wedding reception. 

Then, give your aunt the opportunity during an intimate family dinner to give the speech she is dying to say. Or any other family members.

For us I have effectively banned all speeches. The venue coordinator is aware, my wedding coordinator is aware, and the DJ has been told NO ONE is to receive the mic. NO ONE. No matter what. I even mentally prepped my parents, who are supposedly shocked. But to my fiance and I- we think toasts are cheesy, take time away from eating the incredible catererd food we got- and we don’t care what anyone else thinks. There will be no speeches! but we will be ok with speeches at the rehearsal dinner or at my dad’s surprise birthday party- just not at the wedding reception.

It’s your party, you get to do what you want. And if your mom is going to pout like a baby- let her have time to get over the shock. But she has to understand that this is what YOU want. So give her time to come to terms on it. Or you will just have to compromise somehow if she guilts you into letting your aunt speak. Which would be a bit of a bummer that your family won’t honor your request.

Post # 8
Member
2641 posts
Sugar bee

Sparkles has a goodpoint.  Maybe she (and other folks) can give stoasts at some other point.  Rehearsal dinner maybe.  Do you have any kind of engagement party left?  Or even they could say the speech privately for the videographer, to put on your video.  (I know that sometimes the videographers set up a quiet area for guests to give their best wishes to the bride and groom on tape.)

Post # 9
Member
3162 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: July 2010

Personally, I hate too many speeches. We are just doing Best Man, MoH, and parents. While I don’t have the same problem as you re: non-immediate family wanting to give speeches (or at least, I don’t think I will), I do have family I despise attending. Like you I’ve got some deadbeats floating around out there that I do not care to have any relationship with and really do not want at my wedding. I got in an admittedly minor spat with my mom about this (she hates her family, too) and basically she said my grandmother would be very upset if we didn’t invite my druncle and his trashy wife, but I basically got my mom to agree to call him after invitations go out and basically get him not to come by reiterating in an obnoxious way how expensive it will be for them. He drinks what meager funds they have away, they have three kids (who I also don’t like) and they live in Texas, so they can’t afford it anyway. This way we can avoid upsetting my grandmother.

Anyway sorry for that rant. About your situation, I’d put your foot down. It’s your day, and you can make sure the DJ or whomever knows who gets the mic and who doesn’t. Everyone else – sign the guestbook, that’s what it’s for. Your guests don’t want to listen to it and you and your FH don’t either. Your mom will get over it.

Post # 10
Member
773 posts
Busy bee

I agree with everyone else! You can’t have that many people giving speeches or you’ll bore your guests to death.  We had speeches from the MOB, FOG, Bridesmaid or Best Man, Maid/Matron of Honor, and myself and my husband, and even I was bored to tears halfway through it.  Just see if your aunt/other relatives can give a speech at the rehearsal dinner.

Post # 12
Member
2470 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

Yeah I ‘m with the others, could you talk to your mom about your concerns on how many speeches it is (keeping the distaste for her family out of it). I mean, they ARE family and whether you like it or not, Fiance Is joining into the family no matter how screwed up they are. I would tell your mom that it really comes to too many speeches but you think it would be more appropriate if your aunt wrote your Fiance a note welcoming him to the family, also emphasize that his mother (your FMIL) isnt having someone specially introduce you to HER side of the family (is she?) Good luck — I hope your mom finishes "cooling off" soon!

Post # 13
Member
349 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2008

Ohh I like the speech on video idea, the good ones can be stored forever and you can always review them…. and the ones you don’t really care for you can just fast forward 🙂

Post # 14
Member
15 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: July 2010

I completely agree – too many speeches.  And like someone else said make it about the fact that you don’t want 20 speeches rather than it being about your dislike for her family.  Maybe even explain to her that the wedding is supposed to be about celebrating with people who are a part of your life – and if they haven’t been a positive part of your life you don’t feel they should be included.     

Truthfully too (or hopefully since it sounds like your mom and you do have a good relationship) when the the day comes, your mom will forget about it because of being so tied up in the moment. 

Stick to your guns.

Post # 15
Member
613 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2009

I had this same issue.  A gaziilion people wanted to make speeches…I made time for 4.  People were getting super upset when I told them that they wouldnt be making a speech, so I stopped telling them no.  Instead, the day of the wedding, the DOC stood in the line for speeches, and when she got the mic, it was the DJs clue to turn the music back on.  Now were people pissed?  Yes.  But with the DOC and not me.  I suggest you drop the subject with your mom and speak with whoever is directing the day.  Even if its just a friend or aunt, give her a list of people you want to speak and telling not to open the floor for other people.  It will work out fine.  You have a right to be upset (I know I was when husbands sister, whom I only met ONCE starting going on and on about how she helped bring us together).  Your mom is upset right now but she’ll get over it.  promise.

The topic ‘My Mom is mad at me!!! [LONG]’ is closed to new replies.

Find Amazing Vendors