- 4 years ago
- Wedding: September 2016
My fiance and I have been together for 7 years as of this coming Sept, engaged for two. We had a long discussion before starting our marital planning about whether to elope or have a full scale wedding, and decided on the latter.
We now both regret that decision because of my mother. (TL:DR Skip to the bottom if you don’t want to read my story- I won’t blame you)
It was supposed to be 70-80 people, intimate, small, and geeky (we actually chose Lord of the Rings as our theme). Perfect for people like us who really aren’t socializers and just want to say, “Yay! We finally tied the knot!” Over the course of the past year, that guest count has steadily risen to 90, and that’s even with me putting my foot down on my mom and my fiance’s mom grudgingly but understandingly cutting some people off the invite list she gave us.
Today, we received an RSVP card that said +12. Not +1 or +2, pluse twelve. My grandma’s oddball sister decided it would be okay to invite all of her children and their children without pause to see if we would be able to accommodate them. I immediately called my mother, who simply shrugged saying, “Well I’m paying for it so that’s fine” while my dad piped up in the background that a family of 5 (some close friends) wouldn’t be able to make it so that made some extra room, all the while missing the point I was trying to bring up. It was also, “Well that’s Aunt S for you” and “Guess I should have known that would happen” when I asked my grandma about it.
I was in tears after all of this. All I wanted was my mom to understand that it wasn’t okay for my invited guest to just bring her whole family. If they were invited I would have sent them an invite (as I told my mother I would have done if it was a 300 person wedding). There were many people whom my fiance and I would both have wanted at our wedding but family came first (“They would like to see you. It would be nice to see them again. Wouldn’t you want an invitation from them if they were getting married? Etc, etc…) and apparently I didn’t have full say in who all was invited. Some of these people I haven’t seen in over 15 years, and hardly even had memories of. Others had falling outs with relatives and I though it would be awkward inviting them. But my mom snuck them on the list even after multiple attempts to tell her no, so out invites went.
All in all: I need help. And opinions. We can easily use money in savings and pay my parents back as well as cancel bookings made, and it’s easy enough to send out cancellation cards since invites have only been out a week. I have been forgiving with my mother’s requests up until now. This is the last straw and I feel like this wedding is no longer about my fiance and I (which yes, I do understand they are paying for it so they have some say) and more about a family reunion. We have been trying to keep our invites between families even, so with the additional 12, I told my mom it would only be fair to invite the same number of people from my fiance’s side. I still have not heard anything from her on this. My mother has been frustrating the entire journey, and with recent events the leaning boulder finally fell off the cliff.
Do we cancel the wedding and move ahead with an elopement, do what we want and be happy or suck it up and be stressed and unhappy with our ever-growing event that we seem to have no say on? Any help is much appreciated for a stressed out bride with less than two months to go!