(Closed) My mom is making me want to cancel my wedding- help!

posted 4 years ago in Emotional
Post # 2
489 posts
Helper bee

View original reply
jeschaal :  If you and your mother can’t come to some type of agreement that everyone can live with in a few days, I would cancel and elope. This is suppose to be one of the happiest days of your life. You shouldn’t have any added stress as you prepare for this day. As you stated this seems to be more of a family reunion than a wedding celebrating you & your FI’s love. 

Post # 3
3029 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: November 2016

If your parents are paying then your mom is right in that she honestly gets the say on allowing them.

That said, if you’re unhappy…cancel it. Pay your mom for any deposits and either elope or pay for the ceremony you want. 

Personally, I don’t regret my choice but I won’t lie that I do really wish we had just eloped. I can’t regret wanting my Fiance to have his grandmother and other close people to witness our marriage. However, I do know we both would have enjoyed a private elopement between just us two more. 

Do what’s right for you.

Post # 4
224 posts
Helper bee

I understand where you’re coming from. My mother is the same – except she’s not paying for the wedding. It was my main motivation for having a destination wedding. 

Post # 5
2141 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2017

her pay, her say… you cant dictate who she invites to the party she is hosting


just pay your mom back… take of the +12 who were not invited (dont cancel people who actually did get invites) and then go get married they way you want with your money

Post # 6
150 posts
Blushing bee

If it was me, I would cancel and elope. You have warned them many times over their behaviour, that will show them that this is not acceptable and how unhappy it is making you. 

She’s holding you to ransom because she is paying, but its your wedding. Pay her back the deposits and do what you want. It’s supposed to be the happiest day of your life. 


Post # 7
111 posts
Blushing bee

I’m sorry to hear your wedding doesn’t really feel like yours anymore. Could you cancel the ceremony part and just elope with the two of you, then have the reception at a later date as more of a family thing? You get your small and intimate and your mothers can have the big family blow out! 

Post # 8
1807 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2016

Your mom sees it as a family reunion party that you’re getting married at – she’s proud of you, and wants to show you off. 

I understand that’s not what you want – and I totally agree that adding +12 to the RSVP is beyond rude. But if you call off the wedding you’re going to be ruining the party she’s hoping to have. 

I think the best thing to do is act like a grown-up and stand up to mom. Don’t cancel the wedding – that’s just being a spoiled brat who throws in the towel when things don’t go her way.

Tell your mom that it’s rude for someone to invite 12 extra guests – and you’ll call them to explain you can’t possibly have that many extra people -it’s a small event. If Aunt S has the balls to invite that many people to your wedding, I doubt she’ll be insulted – and even if she is, oh well! Maybe it’s time she’s put in her place!

If mom’s not happy with your decision remind her it’s your wedding – you want to keep it small. If she throws in the ‘well, I’m paying for it” then say “I’d be happy to pay if it means I can have the wedding I want”   I doubt she’d really make you pay – but you need to make a stand to say it’s your wedding – she already had hers 

(I honestly think weddings were invented as a rite of passage to help kids learn to stand up to their parents – we all have a moment in the wedding planning where parents want something much different than us.) 

Post # 9
1009 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2019

I would tell your mom that if she wants to have her family reunion, she can have her family reunion. Meanwhile, you are going to elope. If she still wants to pay for the big reception, you’ll go but you’ll already be married and you won’t lie about that. If she doesn’t want to have the reception AKA family reunion after you get married, then you’ll pay back the money she’ll lose.

You don’t have to be your mother’s puppet just because she’s paying for the wedding. She should respect you enough to go with your wishes. Yes, she’s paying so she does get a say in the guestlist, but you don’t have to just grin and bear it.

Post # 10
720 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2019

Can you elope and then just have a big casual backyard type party or pub party the date of the original wedding with the people you wanted there? It would be a lot cheaper and less pressure, and you could uninvite whoever you wanted since that event would technically be cancelled, then just have a casual get together with the people who matter to you to just say hey, cheers, we got married, let’s celebrate!! If that is something you could afford, maybe consider it as a happy medium 🙂

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