(Closed) My mom is not coming to my wedding

posted 4 years ago in Emotional
Post # 2
Member
6911 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: April 2016

I don’t understand…did you not clear this date with your mom before booking it? You said you gave everyone a “heads up” 2 weeks ahead of time but I’m not quite sure what that means. 

Post # 3
Member
54 posts
Worker bee

When you say you gave everyone the heads up before you booked, this included your mother, right? And she didn’t say anything until after she got the save the date? I’d be super upset and also confused. I’m normally in the camp of you can’t be mad if people can’t afford to go to your destination wedding, even if they’re your immediate family members. But this has nothing to do with finances. She’s literally going to the exact same place you are just two weeks earlier. How does that even happen?

Post # 4
Member
72 posts
Worker bee

Honestly, I would be really upset; ESPESHALLY if everyone had given me the okay. Was there just a miscommunication about the date and as a result she scheduled the wrong week? Either way, I think that keeping your day is what you should do. You said you already sent out save-the-dates or invites and changing the date now to accomidate your mom would be putting everyone else out and that seems a little unfair to your husbands family. I don’t think you’re being unreasonable and I don’t think you’re asking too much. I’m sorry that this whole mess is happening as you start your planning though!

Post # 5
Member
2317 posts
Buzzing bee

So you asked your mom if the date was ok before you booked it and she said yes. Then she proceeded to book her vacation knowing she would miss your wedding. She did not contact you to try to work out the conflict. It does not sound like your wedding is a high priority for her.  Let it go. No, you are not asking too much.  I am sure Your mom has her reasons.  At the end of the day you can not control what anyone else does but yourself.  The only thing that matters is that you get married to the love of your life. There will be other family members there for you that day.  Maybe aske one of them that you are close with to be more involved in the wedding planning.  That way you will have their support that day since your mom can’t make it.  

Post # 7
Member
459 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2017

This is crazy!!! I am sorry 🙁 I hope once she realizes you are not going to change it, she will change hers. Is she normally dramatic or spiteful like this? Wow. I am so bummed for you.

Btw we are date (and state) twins- small world!

Post # 8
Member
6911 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: April 2016

View original reply
lenocturne :  So you told her you were about to book it. She said okay and that she was coming. And then two weeks later changed her mind? Sounds really weird to me. Has anything bad happened between the two of you lately? Does she not like your FI? I’m at a loss Bee. 

Post # 9
Member
54 posts
Worker bee

View original reply
lenocturne :  Honestly, something does sound it’s wrong here. Either 1. You called and asked if she was available that day. She was free. She scheduled her vacation before that date anyway for some reason. Or 2. She planned this vacation. You called and asked if she was available that day. She said she was free, but wasn’t and for some reason decided to lie to you about it. Neither makes much sense.

Are you sure that everything is okay with her right now, health wise? 

Post # 10
Member
1809 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2016

There’s got to be more to this story – if my only child was getting married I would move mountains to be there. 

Are you and your mom fighting? Does she have a problem with your Fiance or his family? What about her husband? Is this a fairly new marriage? If he booked the trip would she be scared to change it? Do you get along with him?

If she doesn’t want to come you can’t make her. My mom refused to come to mine – she was angry I broke with my ex-fiancé and wanted to marry another guy. You can point out that this will be her only chance to see you get married. Obviously something is bothering her. 

 

Post # 11
Member
6919 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2016

I’d be wondering if she had a brain fart when you called to confirm the dates and realized later that there was some conflict. If you don’t feel comfortable changing the dates because of the financial aspect and she’s able/willing to pay, I would go with that. If she’s unable/unwilling to contribute to you changing your dates or changing her plan then you should just move forward with your plans if you are able. I know and love some people with whom I have very sweet relationships but who are frustratingly spacey and I had to learn (the hard way) not to adjust my plans for them because it just led to a lot of anger and resentment ony end and no significant change in behavior from them. But only you know if you can live with that.

Another option would be to have some kind of live video feed so she can witness even if she can’t be there live.

Post # 12
Member
946 posts
Busy bee

I am so heartbroken for you!  You confirmed with her that she would be available and able to go to Hawaii for your destination wedding, and then when you book things, she springs on you that she will be unable to attend??? Do you have a father figure or a relationship with her husband? If so, can they provide any insight into what happened?  Or will they attend your wedding?  Are there pre-wedding activities that your mom still wants to be involved in, such as picking out the dress?  I am so sorry.  Sending hugs!

Post # 14
Member
213 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2016

View original reply
lenocturne :  This sounds crazy! Something has to be going on. Can you talk to your stepfather privately? He might be able to shed some light. Im so sorry you are going through this. Even though she will be in Hawaii, she didn’t even ask you to change the data, did she? Just said she wouldn’t be there? That is messed up. Im sorry bee. 🙁

Post # 15
Member
39 posts
Newbee

Maybe she wants to surprise you !!! “Its a praankkk” she yelled as she walked in to the aisle

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