Post # 1
We have been married for a little over a year. We have both lived in Chicago all our lives. He is just finishing up his residency and has received a few job offers. The one in Dallas seems most promising. It is with an established group and the total compensation is about $100k more than the job that he was offered here. Also, the laws are better for doctors in Texas than in Illinois when it comes to malpractice lawsuits so that is also a big plus. We both visited Dallas a few times and the cost of living seems less than it is up here. It was amazing to see the kind of houses we could get down there compared to the ones we would be settling for up here. The overall weather is warmer also, and we are sick of the super cold and snowy winters. Husband even offered that I could go part time with my job down in Dallas since we’d be more comfortable financially, which was something that kind of sealed the deal for me since I hate my job up here anyway.
He signed the contracts so it’s official that we’re moving. When my mom found out a few weeks ago, she expressed her displeasure and has since stopped talking to me, inviting me over to visit, etc. I am pretty sure she would not have invited me over for Thanksgiving if I wasn’t married (she didn’t want it to look bad to the in laws if they found out we didn’t go over there). She doesn’t approve of us moving, of us wanting to eventually get a dog, and of me working only part time. We have tried to sit down and talk it all out with my mom, but it doesn’t help. I was so excited about the move and our future there, but my mom has managed to put a damper on the whole thing. I don’t like feeling like I’m being cut out of my family.
Did anyone else go through this when relocating? I am hoping she will eventually get over it. She has said that she likely won’t visit us and has made up numerous stupid reasons of why she can’t. It’s only a two hour flight away! I feel like she’s doing these hurtful things purposefully. My father is fine with us moving, saying that it’s not that bad of a drive and my mom still has my sister living with her. We don’t even have a lot of extended family in Illinois despite the fact we both grew up there because my parents both relocated there from where they were originally from. I just wish she would be supportive like my Mother-In-Law. My Mother-In-Law doesn’t want us to be far away, but realizes this is a better career move for our future. She is super excited and plans on visiting and moving there eventually.
Post # 3
Your mom most likely is devestated she is kinda losing her girl. Some moms get upset and pick fights when “kids” move away. Happened to me and my cousin. Time will hopefully help her get over it and accept it…hopefully.
Post # 4
Yeah, I dont even have kids and Im thinking like your mom. Its hard for family when one of theirs moves away. Like my brother. He live almost cross country from us and it totally sucks.
I think thats why your mom is like that right now. She has always had you around in some form or fashion. Not having you within reach is so strange to her. SHe will miss you.
though shes going about it the wrong way from what it sounds like. You can maybe help her to get past the shock. There are so many ways to stay connected these days. Email,skype,facebook,cellphones,etc,etc.
Hope you two can work this out.
Post # 5
Yeah, it sounds like your mom is just upset that she won’t have you right next door anymore and unfortunately, this is her way of showing it. My mom and I saw this Oprah one time about this mom who was so devastated when the daughter went to college that the mom would go in the daughter’s room and unmake the bed and lay in it and pretend the daughter had just left. It was sad but also really funny so my mom and I always joke that she is laying around in my unmade bed in my old room.
Just hang in there….who knows, if she finally caves and visits you, she may end up loving Texas and want to visit more often or even move there someday. (I feel ya too bc my FH is also finishing his residency and we are going to be relocating –completely undecided at this point–shortly after the wedding!)
Post # 6
- Wedding: August 2013 - The Liberty House
I think that her having a problem with you wanting to get a dog shows that she might not really be thinking clearly right now- what does it matter to her if you get a dog? She’ll hopefully come to her senses and figure out that you moving to Texas will still mean more contact with you than cutting you out.
Post # 7
@MeiFrancis: My mom thinks that dogs are dirty and doesn’t like them around the house. It’s one of her excuses for not visiting me.
Post # 8
You can’t do anything about how your Mom thinks or behaves. Go ahead with your plans and your Mom will choose to come around or not.
Post # 9
Your mother may love you and doesn’t want you to move away, but she has an odd way of showing it. As others have said, she’s more than likely hurt. Perhaps she feels as if you’re abandoning her? I think I would tell her that moving really is the best decision for you two, you’ll visit when you can, and that you’d like to enjoy these last few days in Chicago with her. Perhaps you could start with “it’s too bad that the job here in Chicago wasn’t as good as the one in Dallas.”
I’m moving away but my family has been incredibly understanding. Deep down your mother surely wants the best for you.
Post # 10
I just moved halfway across the country from my mom as well. Let’s just say when I told her, she didn’t take it so well. Your mom will get better. It just takes time getting used to. In my mom’s case, it wasn’t just losing me, but also her hopes of what her relationship with her future grandchildren would be like. She wanted to be around all the time, but now that I don’t live there, she knows it’s not possible. Let me know if you need to talk. It was difficult, but it gets better. 🙂